Despite the fact that we diligently inspire, though the system of marriage has become obsolete, most people still aspires to it. We want to start a family, I want to have kids, I want to live with a loved one happily. It would be desirable, but often fails. It takes some time, and ardently loving each other before the couple suddenly become enemies, and filed for divorce. Why is this happening? Because in order to keep the family strong, you need to adequately overcome the different stages of the development of family relations.
They are characterized by a change of feeling. This change does not mean the disappearance of love. Just a sense become a new form. And it often takes quite painful.
What are the stages of marital and family relations there?
Periods of family relations. First Stage
What, then, are happy early days of meetings lovers! Call Waiting, gentle words, fluttering kisses, walks under the moon ... a fantastic time relationship! Lovers think that they knew each other all our lives. And that in the future they will also understand one another as they are today. But alas, alas ... It takes a little time after the wedding, and everything breaks down. Tenderness replaced by annoyance, understanding - the distance, the desire to give a loved one passes in moments of happiness demands something from him. Started fighting, and the soul, like a snake crawl doubt the right choice. At some point we want to get a divorce. But let's not rush. We are now at the first stage of family relations. Similar throwing it is characterized.
Love, we usually idealize the person and do not notice its shortcomings. And even if we note that treat them kindly, arrogantly believing that something so we then can the flaws in the correct behavior. However, people do not change quickly. A cons like when you live with him under the same roof, especially not in the way. Actually, before this under the roof will not appear, and they found a truly impossible. Something is striking that it seems irrelevant, and something and all is carefully concealed. Well, when people begin to live together, there's not going anywhere! Man all to see, at a glance.
The first stages of family relationships mean the opening of its new half, is still not particularly well-known, or simply ignore the parties. Most often it is rather unpleasant. And not because that man and woman find in each other a lot of disgusting quality. Just initially met only good character traits, which have already developed a habit. And now appeared not very nice features of the person. And they still have to get used to.
In addition, the majority of men after marriage settle down and cease to properly care for your sweetheart. Women, in turn, did not try to be so compelling as to marriage. The result - the spouses are unhappy with the changes occurred in each other. Dissatisfaction with results in the claim, the claim - in a quarrel.
If the husband and wife did not try to approach this situation is reasonable, the first period in the life of the family may end very badly. Hardly a final can be considered a good way out. It led to the disintegration of the family, by and large, the lack of experience and naive in matters of the behavior of the opposite sex. But how to gain such experience, if the family has collapsed, nearly collided with some complications? And without it fall apart, and the second and the third ... That way and to the full and ineradicable loneliness far!
In other words, the first phase of family relations, as if they are there or develop further, we must learn to survive. The most important thing in this period for the spouse - not to try to convert each other. Such attempts to anything other than conflicts do not lead. Man reflexively resist gross interference in his private area. And, of course, starts to fight with the aggressor, not particularly thinking, for what purpose the boundaries of personal zones are violated. So to insist that the second half is changed, you can not. The time will come, and she understands that you need a change. In the meantime, a little better to get used to his partner in life, trying to set him at least some understanding.
Periods of family relations. Step Two
Well, here we have already passed the first stage of the relationship, getting to know each other and become accustomed to some of its flaws halves. Now comes the second stage of construction of family relationships. At this stage, the emotions and feelings of spouses calms. Sexual life is becoming less passionate. A conflict of impulsive discharge into a class conscious. We begin to understand that family life - this is not a perpetual flight under the clouds. It is also painful falls, and difficult trip over rough terra firma.
Now it was the turn like a family to build bridges of cooperation. But it's not easy. Yes, the couple is already pretty well know each other and can determine at a glance or a gesture mood and desires of its halves. It would seem that this is just great! What could be better than when a loved one understands you so well? However, the predictability of the partner is a danger of satiety them. As a result, husband and wife begin to annoy each other those traits that were previously touched and even admired. Spouses can flare up and quarreling because of a trifle.
The second stage of family relationships is often accompanied by games in a silence, trying to live separately, the desire to be alone or to spend time apart. Sometimes, such feints pass fairly quickly and end passionate sex. And sometimes, on the contrary, they last for months and accompanied by a complete unwillingness to intimate life.
If the second stage of relations does not come round and try to understand what is really going on, the divorce would be a real event. In fact, the special prerequisites for him there. Spouses are just tired of each other. They need to ride out this period without undue requirements for its half and without mutual claims. In general, it should go pretty quickly. If it does not, it is quite possible that the breach will be the only way out. Well, when this stage is not an easy development of the family successfully gone through, the turn of the third phase of the marital relationship.
Periods of family relations. Step Three
The third stage of family relations is usually a time when both spouses are gradually beginning to realize that the family - it's not a heavy need and not a short-term experiment. What it is sacred, and to destroy family ties only because his wife has recovered, and her husband just could not bear the trash, worthless. The family should be protected, and to improve the relationship.
Quarrels happen and in this period, but they happen less often and usually end with reconciliation between husband and wife. This phase of the development of patience and understanding and their actions, and actions of the spouse. Intimate life stabilizes and no longer depends on whether there were differences to sex between husband and wife or not. After an argument they can make love as if nothing had happened. And then not to think about the problems in front of this conflict.
In the third phase partners are beginning to have more confidence in each other and linked to each other already as native people. They can spend time apart and engage each with their chores, but remain psychologically inseparable. It is in this phase begins the merger of two people and combine them into one. The couple is now quite calmly tolerate separation. They stop frequently call each other and to send SMS and to demand that their halves confirmation of love. Husband and wife if fused. They appear identical thoughts, aspirations and desires.
During this period, the couple did not seek to change something in their half. So annoying habits or before it disappeared or have become commonplace. And, because of what was once the divorce occurred almost already seems insignificant, even comical. There comes the fourth stage of family relations.
Periods of family relations. Fourth Stage
The fourth stage of family relationships - this time, mutual respect. It takes a solid form and is the fundamental basis for all actions of the spouses. The fact that at the beginning of the marriage was seen as an unpleasant duty now is easy, from the heart. Gone are empty accusations and irritation. There was a desire to please their mate as often as possible. Well, if not encouraging, at least so as not to upset.
Husband and wife have gone through a lot together and began the road to each other. They are automatically adjusted to the interests of his partner and took it for what it is. Relationships become easy, relaxed. Any problems are solved jointly and quickly. Sitting with friends and girlfriends already uninteresting. Preference is given to pastime in the circle of close friends.
In general this is a very favorable stage. That is only love life at this stage, it is desirable to pay special attention. It becomes monotonous and, as a rule, not very often. It is not surprising. For the husband and wife are more friends than lovers. Someone, of course, is quite suitable. However, lack of proper sex is fraught with serious danger. Often it is for this reason that broke strong happy marriage. We - the only people in the presence of temptation can easily lose your head. And temptations in low intima in the family - a dime a dozen.
Therefore chёtvertom stage spouses have to try as much as possible to diversify your sex life. Otherwise, there is a chance that the fifth stage of the development of relations, they will not reach.
Periods of family relations. Step Five
The fifth stage of the development of family relations is a period of true love. This is not the kind of love that was present among people initially. Then the man and the woman love each other for the beauty, kindness, sexuality and so on. And now they love not with the eyes, body or mind. Now they are like the soul. And not for something, and just like that. The first feelings meant getting something, feelings that exist at this stage - the dedication. This love is unconditional, not based on the physical merger, and spirituality.
In this period, relations between spouses are warm, careful and extremely reliable. They have no aversion for something. In some mistakes each other husband and wife look with love and understanding of irony. Now, they can hardly be a serious quarrel. Small skirmishes are possible, but they are in the life of the family has no role to play. It's more of a game than a desire to prove something to your sweetheart. From now no longer need to prove anything at all. All made life itself.
In fact, this stage is the true purpose of marriage. That's just to come to him, it is necessary to go through a lot. For some reason we believe that a happy family relationship similar to the relationship during courtship. They will certainly be present flowers, gifts, kisses, recognition ... And if it all disappears, decides that love has passed, and the rush to file for divorce. Then there is a new object of passion with which everything happens in the same scenario. There is a third, fourth ... We despair and buried hope to create a strong, happy family.
The thing is that we are waiting on the eternal family relationships inspires lust. Many of those who are dissatisfied with their marriage, convinced that he was unlucky, because "my husband stopped wearing on his hands", "wife ceased to try to look very impressive." But life is dynamic! It is constantly changing, making change and relationships. You can not wear all the time his wife in his arms. We still, and something to do. You can not always look in the eyes of her husband effectively. We need more and hang around in the kitchen, washing, cleaning, sleeping, after all.
However, even if a woman manages to be all day and stunning beauty of the house is moved only at the hands of her husband, there is no guarantee that the marriage falls apart. First, the tedious monotony. And secondly, in almost any, even the happiest family crisis periods occur. What they tend to be?
Common periods of crisis in family life
As we have said, even in the most exemplary family there is always a chance of crisis situations. One such situation - pregnant women and the birth of the first child. This is a very serious test for spouses. During pregnancy a woman's body is rebuilt. This contributes to a change in her behavior. Calm, gentle, good-natured wife can become a capricious lady nervous. And if the husband does not will concern this with understanding, serious family conflicts are inevitable.
The crisis may occur after birth. Even if the man he really wanted and waited, he is often shocked by the fact that the beloved is now somebody pays more attention than him. And women often, having got the first-born, fully committed to taking care of it. And forget about the fact that the next - the father of the baby, too, need love and affection. The man in this case, fades into the background. He does not understand what happened. Lost, closed in itself, it is fenced off from the woman and the child begins to perceive as an obstacle to relations with the beloved. Here, of course, everything depends on his wife. She should see reason and realize that her husband feels abandoned and alone. Otherwise, the consequences of her fanatical devotion only child unpredictable.
Case of family crises and in the event of any male problems. Representatives of the stronger sex - not sex robots. There are times when they are simply unable to deal with intima. This is a huge stress for any man. It seems that the world collapsed, he ceases to be a man and not be able to meet their favorite bed. If a woman will carefully treat the situation with understanding and tact, her husband may despair and had a ball, in order to prove their masculine consistency or forgotten.
Often a crisis in the family comes and when the couple had lived together for several years, already well studied each other. Boredom and monotony can provoke treason. And initially they will become a sort of way of entertainment. And then enter into the habit and will be very difficult to stop. Therefore, avoid the monotony of family life impossible. It is necessary to experiment, look for interesting joint exercises or hobbies, to expand the boundaries of intimate knowledge and so on. After all, love is probably still alive, but fell asleep. It is necessary to awaken.
In each family, be it the seemingly prosperous, there are also problems and crisis situations. This is normal. Because each of us is a psychological personality, natural features that can not be changed. When a person becomes passionate in love to others. His actions are subject to the senses, the foundation of which was none other than as a normal hormonal surge. The riot of hormones takes place. However, it takes passion. And we cease to see in his chosen one the height of perfection.
It is absolutely natural course of events. To this metamorphosis of feelings should be treated calmly. Because in fact, the disappearance of rose-colored glasses through which saw a loved one - one of the stages of love. Well, we loved someone representing him perfect, and now it was the turn to love the way he is. Love must grow up as children get older. If we become more tolerant, gentle, forgiving, do not learn to forgive, we will never be able to create a happy family.
Happy marriage - it is work, payment of which is not the money, and peace and happiness. Its restrictions do not need to look to the end of time, and create a working primarily on themselves. It's complicated. But the reward for the work will be human warmth, support, care and unfading love.