Most likely, no nuance in the educational process of the child does not cause as many problems as the punishment of the child. Someone thinks that the child be punished at all acceptable, but for someone and punishment of children strap is something taken for granted and do not deserve special attention, and especially anxiety. So who is right? Is it worth it to punish the child, or nevertheless refrain from reprisals?
Exactly one - punishment of a child is an extremely meticulous action that requires careful consideration and weighing. Thoughtless punishment not only does not give the desired effect, but also can lead to the most unpredictable consequences, up to complete disobedience of the child and even shoots out of the house. But this is certainly not the effect that parents expect.
Punishing a child is easy, but the "disentangle" the effects of this punishment can be a very long time. That is why, before punishing the child, should thoroughly investigate the misconduct, and choose the punishment that will make the child a truly repent do. And most importantly, never to repeat such behavior. Only in this case, the punishment can be considered effective and appropriate. In all other cases, the punishment is nothing but a banal expression of parental authority and the suppression of the child.
Never punish the child, not understanding each situation. It is unacceptable to punish the child for "bad behavior" - he just needs to know what gets punished - for the broken window, the neighbor rudeness or stolen money. Only in this case, parents can hope that the punishment will reach its goal.
In addition, in no case should not punish the child in a temper, at the peak of irritation and anger. As a rule, in this state, parents can grab the belt and a couple of times to pull on the pope belt. However, the anger and hatred - not the best assistants to parents.
Firstly, the heat of the moment you will hardly be able to objectively assess what is happening and to understand in detail the child's misconduct that just need to understand the degree of guilt of the child. And, secondly, hastily raising a child's hand, you can give yourself a strong feeling of guilt and regret, from which escape is not so easy. Besides the fact that you yourself will feel extremely uncomfortable, the baby also quickly notice your vibration. And, as a rule, almost all children begin to use all means question the parents to encourage the scales, which are different privileges and advantages to its side.
And to ensure that the punishment was really effective, parents must themselves be absolutely sure that they do. Otherwise, the child will question their parents, and the punishment for him would be the only reason for the resentment toward their parents, but not a reason to reflect on their behavior.
Remember another indisputable truth - in any case not allowed to punish the child "just in case", if you have even the slightest doubt as to the guilt of the child. Remember that even in adult life, the slightest doubt is interpreted in favor of the suspect, but say nothing about the children? Much less damage will be if you do not punish the guilty child than punishing the innocent suffer. In this case, the injury to the psyche may be too strong. In any case, do not check it out on your child.
In the same case, if the child is fully realized and admitted his guilt, and even more so in the event that he came to his parents and confessed, the punishment should also be much softer. And it may well be so that you do and give up punishment, which may also be the right decision - for the child and understand his mistakes and will try to continue their never do again.
However, in this situation, be sure to consider the factor of having so-called recurrence. Forgive and leave without penalty or that the child's misbehavior can be used only if the crumb made his first time. If you explain to a child the inadmissibility of such actions, and he repeats it again, the punishment should be unavoidable.
Correction for age
Of course, when deciding on the need for and the form of punishment, parents must take into account the characteristics of the age group in which is their child. It goes without saying that the sentence of two years children and adolescents can not be the same.
Parents should be aware of the following peculiarities of the child's mind:
- Two - four years
During this period the child's age comes a severe crisis, which is comparable to the crisis of adolescence. During this period, the child becomes aware of itself independent person and, therefore, begins to assert their rights and interesting. Of course, even a small child because of their age are not able to transfer their feelings in words.
As a result, he begins to act up, hysteria, do not obey their parents. However, punishment of children of this age parents should be especially careful - the penalty in any case must not infringe the freedom and especially the dignity of the little man. Otherwise, parents can be faced with serious problems whose solution would have to seek the help of professional psychologists.
- Five - six years
At this age, children are very typical aggravation of fantasy - the child begins to invent and to dream. And parents often perceive these inventions for the sheer lie. As a result of the child being punished. Child psychologists are also highly recommend that parents do not do it. After all, not fantasies, the child will never learn to think imaginatively. And telling a particular story, the child is not intended to mislead you - it is - really truly believe that telling.
- The twelve - fourteen
At this age, the child is going through quite a difficult period of his life - growing up. In addition to dozens of internal conflicts and contradictions of a child is faced with hormonal changes in the body, which is also in no way does not make life easier for the child and his parents. Typically, in this period, even the most persistent and aged parents patience may crack, and the punishment is inevitable. However, in this case, the punishment must be how to think.
In addition to the age characteristics of the parents need to remember a few other small but extremely important nuances. For example, it is important to take into account the physical condition of the child - it is possible that the child is not feeling well, or want to eat or sleep. And the emotional state is also crucial - if the child is angry or offended, it is much more difficult to control myself and control my emotions, as, indeed, and adult. So maybe much more reasonable in this situation to calm the child, to help him come to his senses and deal with their emotions before you punish him?
Also, do not forget also that absolutely anyone - both adult and child - in dire need of their personal space. Be sure to select a place for the child where he can feel completely free - naughty, mad, dirty, noisy. Such a measure is absolutely necessary for the child to give vent to their emotions - both positive and negative.
Why can not punish the child?
There are a few things for which to punish the child is strictly prohibited. In such cases, the penalty will only worsen the situation, and in addition, the relationship with the child may be largely deteriorated. So, what kind of situation?
Young children are extremely active and very inquisitive. They seek to climb everywhere, to try everything by heart, to touch his hand. And if in the process of cognition of the world child inadvertently spoil any - any thing or a toy, do not blame him - thus you long discourage his desire to know the world around us.
By the way, parents are often punished the child only because he touched their genitals. Parents are very frightened, believing that the child may grow up with one or other sexual disorders. However, this is not the case - a child learns his genitals just as studying the cheeks, nose, forehead. A punishing a child, you just dwell on this his attention, bumping into the idea that the sexual organs - this is something dirty and shameful.
- Age-related physiological characteristics of the child
Nor should we punish the child and what he is inattentive, tearful, unable to focus on anything - or can not sleep, or refuses to eat - usually in such cases, children need help, but not to blame, and certainly not in punishment.
- Offenses related to the lack of experience
Nor should we punish the child, and if he has committed any - any offense not from malice and wickedness, but because of the fact that he did not know what to do in a given situation. In this case, it makes more sense to explain the child why do so is not necessary, and show them how to behave. Most likely, the child will no longer repeat their mistakes in the future. But punishment can sincerely offend the crumbs which completely unaware of what Mom or Dad get angry at him.
Children's jealousy, unfortunately, is very common. Most often, children are jealous of mom or a new spouse or a younger brother or sister. Often such jealousy can bring to the white heat of even the most patient parents. However, in this situation, the penalty - the worst thing that parents can do. The penalty will not be able to achieve anything other than further complicating the situation. Child punishment and your anger will perceive as a further proof of the fact that now you love him a lot less than before.
- Clumsiness or negligence of the Child
It is also extremely child psychologists recommend that parents punish the child for negligence or omission - spilled on the jacket of cocoa, a broken dish or torn sandals. After all, the child had no intention to do so - all came quite by accident. You agree that even a grown man often commits such gaffes. And you do not punish yourself for negligence?
So, we come to the main issue: promoting and punishment of children in the family. About encouragement, we will talk next time, but the punishment will consider below. Indeed, as already mentioned, the penalty shall be strict, but always fair. And it is in any case should not humiliate the dignity of the child, no matter how small it may be.
Slap on a soft place often parents think the most simple and effective punishment. However, before you raise your hand to the child, consider what consequences may result in a material impact on the weak psyche of the child.
In order to better understand what happens to the psyche of the child at the time of sentence, try to put yourself in the place of the child. Imagine that it's on you raised a hand someone who is much stronger than you. What do you think, what emotions you experienced? Hardly any of them have to love and respect. Also, your child - he feels exactly the same resentment, anger, frustration in the parents.
Moreover, unfortunately, often the child grows up with the idea that he will very soon become an adult, and be sure to take revenge on someone who hurt him. But such attitudes can lead to severe mental strain. Think about it - if you want to raise a child, whose sole purpose in life is to be a place for you, parents?
It goes without saying that not with all these kids who were physically punished as a child, grow maniacs and murderers. As children get older acute resentment and anger at parents gradually fade into the background. However, a fully all these negative emotions do not go away - just fade to the background. As a result, in the subconscious of the child is almost always present in the manifestation of the accumulated need for childhood aggression. As a result, the child will grow angry and bitter.
Very often, many parents objected: in my childhood parents beat - and that's okay, I grew up a normal and adequate man. On the one hand - this is the case, but on the other - in any case it is impossible to overlook the fact that every child is individual. And plasticity, and flexibility of the mind that all children are also different - a child without much damage to the psyche will take a spanking, and after 15 minutes did not even remember it. And the other kid even a light slap on the pope will remember for a lifetime. And all my life will hide a grudge against the parents.
And, in addition, because of fear of punishment the child may begin to lie to their parents, to hide the truth from them. And sooner or later, but such things as lying, anger, cowardice and aggression, can become an integral part of the nature of your child. But, as is known, the basic features of the character is laid in childhood.
Also, do not forget also that raising a child by physical punishment, you are actually signs in their own powerlessness. After all, as a rule, a person resorts to physical methods of influence only if no other arguments he left. And the child will feel it very quickly.
And always remember that in almost all cases, adults raise a hand to a child in a fit of anger, or extreme irritation, which in its essence is the same. Do not believe? Watch for a while punishing the child. So whether on the baby to tear their negative emotions?
And if parents hit their child in a totally peaceful state, in this case, they themselves need immediate professional help of psychologists. A child - care and protection of social security. And parents in such cases very much risk of losing their children. Therefore, before applying the physical punishment of children, the pros and cons must be weighed very carefully!