The appearance of the baby in the family for an older child in many cases, is not without problems. First of all, in an accessible form for his age, the older child needs to talk about birth and learn to deal with a newborn.
When is it best to announce the pregnancy?
If your child is concerned about the poor health in the morning, you can tell him right away that you are waiting for the baby (brother or sister). But in this case he will have a long wait, young children do not have a correct idea of the time and will often need to explain to him that the time of occurrence of the baby has not come yet. It is possible to postpone the message in the second half of pregnancy it can be put off until the last moment, when the pregnancy becomes noticeable. The date of birth of the baby can be made more understandable to the child if associate it with any significant event or time of year. You can drive with your child a special calendar that will help you, or senior would constantly ask, when will the newborn.
Some parents are reluctant to report the pregnancy because they do not want the child to feel repressed by the wayside. However, postponing the conversation, you will not solve the problem. Try to tell your child about the pregnancy early enough to have had the opportunity to help him a positive attitude and engage in joint training to the appearance of the newborn.
Discussing with your child the appearance of brother or sister, give examples you know of families who have several children. Find out what he already knew about the pregnancy and childbirth and try to correct his mistakes, to talk about what he knows, to answer questions. At the same time try not to overload the small child abundance of information.
- Check with your child books about pregnancy, birth, newborn, as well as how to behave older brother or sister.
- Give your child listen to the baby's heartbeat and feel his movement. Talk to your child about the development of the fetus. Tell him that the fetus is able to do (eg, hiccup, thumb sucking, hear, kick).
- Show your child pictures and videos of the period of time when he was a child, pay attention to those where you or his father care for him as a newborn.
- Let your child watches the kids and play them. To draw his attention to the fact that they are small and sometimes do not understand how to play.
- Have your child help you gather all the necessary things for the hospital. If he will have to stay with someone else while you're in the hospital, the child and prepare all necessary.
- Beforehand, a few months before delivery, make a permutation in the nursery or bedroom that after the birth of a baby older child suddenly felt odd. Put a cot so that the eldest child used to the fact that the baby will sleep here.
- Allow your child to decide when and how long to discuss the coming generations and the emergence of the baby. Be considerate and do not overload the child talk about the newborn.
Separation from the mother at childbirth
The experience of the child during your stay in the nursing home depends on its age, care for them in your absence. Most of the children in varying degrees, have experience of separation, and they were worried, crying, called my mother clung to others, often annoyed with difficulty falling asleep and angry. When my mother returned, the majority of children are very glad that, however, some children continue to behave badly, and even ignored his mother. Thus, children express their fear of loneliness.
You can do a lot to reduce the anxiety of the child in connection with your separation. In the last weeks of pregnancy Tell your child that going to the hospital. If possible, go with the child to the hospital. Explain to your child where he will live (home or away) and who will take care of it while you're absent. The child will have less to worry about if he is familiar with the person who will look after him in your absence. A close friend, a relative make your separation less painful for the child. When labor begins, tell your child when you go and where are going.
If the baby is still unable to fully care for themselves (for example, to take a bath or go to sleep), in the period prior to delivery greatly increases the role of the father and other adult to whom the child is well. It is desirable that the child had a clear schedule, which is not much disturb your hospitalization or the appearance of a newborn.
Think of a child visiting the hospital to visit you and newborn. Early communication with each other children contributes greatly to the emotional atmosphere of the family, and in many maternity hospitals such visits are allowed. Perhaps he will calm down, and you see the baby, and this visit will play a positive role. However, he may ignore you and the newborn, or is too stick and starts to cry when it's time to leave. And you will feel better for both of you absolutely refuse such visits. It is clear that for a small child hard to see you for a short time and not be able to stay with you, but even a short meeting will please him and will help to calm down. The negative reaction of the child indicate that it is under stress, and the hospital visit gives him the opportunity to express their anger and frustration.
If the child can not visit you should establish contact with him in any other way - to make a phone call, send photos, notes and gifts.
The appearance of a newborn in the house
Not only the separation from her mother would bother your child, but also the constant presence of a helpless newborn crying that requires attention. After the appearance of your baby for an older child, life becomes different. Parents who previously wholly owned by it, suddenly became unavailable, and all because of a newborn!
Older children respond to it in different ways: short outbursts of anger, demanding attention, the return of their children's habits, such as thumb sucking, to give him a bottle or feed breast, wet panties, increased attention to the child, aggressive actions against the parents and newborn (can hit, bite, throw things), as well as the reluctance of time to eat and sleep. Sometimes parents, who had never before encountered such behavior of their child, are very surprised. Often, the children settle down quickly, but in some cases can take weeks or months before your child begins to perceive the normal appearance of a newborn in the family.
Children of different ages react to the appearance of a newborn on his own. Children 3-4 years, as a rule, immediately understand the impact that a newborn in their relationships with their parents, older children may take offense at the kid feel when this sense of guilt and a sense of trying to hide it from their parents. Perhaps the best way to help my good older child - is to take any form of behavior. Try not to be upset. Take his behavior for granted and continue to communicate with the child, as if nothing had happened. Try to adjust positively to the appearance of a newborn baby in the family:
- Before the advent of newborn play with a doll showing a child taking care of her.
- Stay alone with his eldest child, play with him in his favorite game while sleeping newborn or when it looks for someone else.
- Give an older child as much attention. Not responding to his requests and comments you agree to humiliate self-esteem of your child in such a difficult period of his life.
- If a child misbehaves, reprimanded him, as usual. Do not let the older child to pass the permissible limits and break the rules of conduct adopted by a family. You should not feel guilty for the fact that the house had another child, and even more to show that feeling.
- Express your feelings about the behavior of a troubled kid with an older child, to share with him their concerns, and that you will help him to formulate and throw his displeasure loud crying baby or your constant care of it.
- After returning from the hospital celebrate the birthday of a new family member with refreshments for all. Give an older child a gift and advise him to do, or to find a gift for the baby.
- If a child wants to help you take care of the newborn, allowing him to perform certain duties under this age: hold the baby, change diapers, dress and bathe, to help feed the baby laugh or sing to him and talk to him.
- If the older child does not want to take care of the baby, do not force it to do so.
- Do not try to force an older child love kid, show tact and patience in matters of their mutual relations.
- Help the older child realize that he is able to do many of the things that the baby is not yet available, for example, to inflate balloons, cookies or do the dishes.
- Do not forget about yourself. Rest when possible. This does not diminish the feeling of resentment or jealousy of the older children, but it will be easier to deal with it.
Remember that the older the child is difficult, sometimes painful to adapt to the emergence of a newborn, but it is part of normal life experiences. Your efforts should be directed to the eldest child did not feel slighted, and most importantly, that it normally took the event with your support and the right attitude to the newborn.