A marriage of love or convenience? Until a few decades ago such a question would have looked silly and inappropriate. Of course, love! However, in our time, the results of opinion polls the majority of young people aged 20 to 30 years say that the calculation is more important. What is it - callousness, selfishness or fear of a failed marriage? Whether they wish to complete a purse instead of love, passion or fear of short-term? And why a marriage of convenience becomes the norm? People have forgotten how to love? Or become more prudent? We will try to answer all these questions.
Marriage of Convenience: what does it mean?
We all watched a lot of movies where a marriage of convenience - the lot of negative characters, the positive is always marry for love. "And they lived happily ever after" - this is the end of any positive stories. And perhaps rightly so. Everyone should keep in mind the purity of thoughts and desires of a small miracle. So why do we face increasingly face a choice: a marriage settlement or for love? Why is the first option is gaining popularity?
First, let's understand what is this "beast" - a marriage of convenience. The first thing that comes to mind - a desire for material prosperity from entering into such a marriage. Teen aferistki who marry old millionaires and courageous gigolos, they looked for the rich lady. Of course, the material component - not unusual among such marriages. Even if you do not take into account the above exaggerated examples, such payment occur often.
But look at the other side of such a marriage. How can you be against that young girl building a successful career, he looks at the men who have already achieved financial stability in life? And the men who have some capital, swirling in the environment where successful women are more common. Sometimes it is indispensable: to know that a woman has a good income. Thus potential suitors insure themselves from relationships with other people's treasure hunter.
But the last example is not so common. For many of the stronger sex marriage, the financial side is not critical. Having achieved success in business, they feed the family in any way. Women are also more complex. They think in advance about pregnancy, childbirth, maternity leave or other reasons, when their inefficiency should not be a reason for an empty purse in the family.
By the way, the money - not the only factor in a marriage of convenience. Sometimes the common interests of the two men give hope for a long and successful marriage. The family of athletes, where men and women spend a lot of time on the joint training. Marriages archaeologists are looking forward to another trip to the edge of the world for the mysterious excavations. The union of two scientists thought where one partner to another are quite clear and are not considered tediousness. Musicians, teachers, business people. ... You can enumerate a long time.
Another calculation in marriage - a psychological compatibility. A woman may desire to marry someone with whom it is easy and nice to talk to, who arranges her sexually, who make you feel loved. Is that such a bad calculation? There are many reasons that define a marriage of convenience: the desire to have children, fear of loneliness, social status, the desire to live abroad, etc.
Hearing the very phrase "marriage of love or convenience", people prefer the first one, since the word "settlement" gives them a backlash. It involves the manipulation of man. In fact, such marriages are often very successful. Though real feelings come to the partners and not at once, but they are durable and time-tested. The calculation does not mean that the partners suited to the choice of each other "cold" heart sickened. It is a balanced decision taken not in a fit of passion, but by much deliberation. They have not even had a choice: a marriage of convenience or out of love. These people knew in advance what they want from life, and confidently go to the purpose. So, write them in the negative characters and opposed their relationship?
Then what is the "love marriage"?
It makes no sense to belittle the importance of love when you create a marriage. This is the greatest happiness when two loving people connect their lives. But, mind you, we are talking about love! Not about love, not about the passion. And about something much larger and all-consuming.
Are there many young couples are able to distinguish between a real sense of his surrogate? Happy people, blinded by love and affection for each other, go down the aisle, but after a short time do not maintain a joint household and domestic conflicts. The ideal sexual partners, who can not imagine the existence of one without the other, suddenly tired of the relationship and filed for divorce.
Well, when love will grow into a real, deep feeling. But this is not always the case. Sometimes ripening bride and groom go to the registry office after two weeks of dating. Well even if they belong to the same social status. And if he is a student or a scientist, but she saleswoman at the market? Say what you like, and unequal marriages were condemned from ancient times. This pair will be much harder to find common ground and resolve conflicts, inevitable in every household. No less transient married women with high cash income and low-income men. As much as they may love touching each other at the beginning of a relationship, but the arguments "against" still more. On the psychology of husband always will press the fact that the wife earns more. Hence, misunderstandings, scandals, divorce.
Those who mixed with the passion of love, too, will be disappointed family relationships. Of course, sex is important in family relationships. But if this is the main argument in solving any problems of this kind do not wait. Instead of solving the conflict in the home, the wife of "cure" dissatisfaction with sex. Such relationships are held up until the passion subsides. And if the sexual attraction to each other is not backed up by anything more, then it will last long.
Sometimes women tend to keep the disintegrating marriage with the help of children. But the fact that the birth of the baby strengthens the relationship - a myth and a profound error all the women of the world. If before the pregnancy in a family dominated by love and understanding, it is possible. But even in this case, refers to the set of pairs of psychologists seeking to mend relations after the appearance of the baby. And a lot of reasons for that. Women's postpartum depression, switching attention from the husband of the child, lack of normal sex in the first few months after childbirth - all these hard tests for many wealthy families. So what to say about those couples whose relationships are far from ideal?
Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes love and passion to develop into a large and bright feeling of love. But they are exceptions, to be a rarity. In order to be sure of your feelings, you need to pass a lot of tests and the test of time. And it is exactly two weeks is not enough.
We dot the i
Believe me, no one is trying to persuade you to enter into a marriage of convenience, not love. The point is that the concept of "payment" may include entirely different matter. If the woman is motivated by purely material gain, and chooses a partner, it does not cause positive emotions, she can only sympathize. No matter how tight the purse was packed with spouse, live with unloved very hard. And, looking at the happy lovers on TV, she could not help thinking: "I'll never be." And the cheerful young handsome husbands girlfriends will always win in comparison to the grumpy middle-aged chosen.
Therefore it is very important not only to marry with the expectation, but with the mind. This is a difficult mathematical problem, which contains a number of important factors, the arguments "for" and "against." And if you do not take account of them, the correct answer (read - "a happy life") will fail. We should not condemn people who approach marriage rationally. Maybe they just do not believe in love or have never experienced this feeling of light. Or maybe they've burned, making the choice in favor of love and their choice deceived expectations.
With regard to the marriage of love, here it is important not to confuse this love with love. Look closely at the man. Believe me, the time will come, and your partner will look different. Instead impeccable shaved - bristles, instead of a bouquet of roses - a package of food or a bottle of beer instead of exquisite costume - shirt stretched. Presented? If the image does not cause you shudder, then you can answer "yes".
And another thing: never condemn people, no matter what choices they made in life. Everyone has the right as a marriage of convenience, and the relationship based on the large and bright love.
We strongly recommend to read: All the pros and cons of a civil marriage