No wonder people say - "Little kids - little bedki." As soon as your baby grows yesterday, there are more and more troubles and problems. Yesterday my mother was looking for answers to questions relating to the upbringing of the baby. And today she is frantically looking for any information about the phenomenon, as a manifestation of love in adolescents 14 years and sometimes even younger.
Whatever the parents denied that their child has grown, and as it is not driven by thoughts of a possible love teens, and even more so about teenage sex, it is not possible to avoid virtually anyone. Do not believe? And try to stretch your memory and remember yourself at that age. Surely, you remember your first love - a pure and white, when it seemed that this love - forever. A choice or fiancee seemed the most perfect people in the world.
So why parents hear that their child is faced with his first love, refuse to believe in this and take it as a given? Often, parents are beginning to prove your child that he is too young to love it - not love, not listening to any persuasion, and persuasion of his child. But this is not the worst thing that parents can do.
A much greater error, which is quite widespread, is a mockery of the child's feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be very sad. And the loss of understanding and contact the parents with their child is not the worst option. Sometimes, unfortunately, desperately in love with a teenager can even try to attempt suicide. Especially if this is the first love will be unrequited.
Also, very often the reason for the disagreement becomes very elect or chosen one of your offspring. In almost all cases, so it happened long ago, but the choice of the children to their parents do not like. Those parents who are a bit wiser than the rest, all the criticism about the choice of a son or daughter prefer to keep to themselves. But, alas, most often parents on the emotional input, especially not when choosing words and phrases, your child say what they think about his second half.
As a result, the home is becoming a tense psychological atmosphere heavy - parents are endless conversation in the spirit of "not his mama raised berry" baby snaps. Agree - is not the most optimistic prospects. And in order not to be in such a predicament, parents should be fully prepared.
It often also happens that all parental dissatisfaction and concern are completely justified. Tragically, as if this would no parents, the social circle of modern teenagers is large enough, and it includes not only positive boys and girls.
And why - very often young people choose their second half of the so-called Antipodes - people totally opposite of his own. Look at the sides - surely you recall a few couples in which partners, at first glance, seem utterly unsuitable friend - a friend. Boy - Excellent, studio university, meeting with little education and a rather licentious pupil of the senior classes. Or, on the contrary, the girl - the Komsomol, Pioneer and simple beauty of the soul is not in the first sponding bonehead and yard bully.
Sometimes friendships and relationships completely innocent and not bring the teenager is absolutely no harm. But not always, unfortunately. How many times teens, trying to be like his second half, started to smoke, try alcohol and even drugs. But this is not an exhaustive list of what can be drawn a child caught in a socially disadvantaged environment.
Here's to the best of their opportunities parents could prevent similar situations, to support their child's moral, and where it is really necessary to control the child, or on the contrary, to give it a little more will, and you need to know all about such things as teenage infatuation.
Signs of teen love
Children's and family psychologists in one voice say that adolescence is one of the most difficult for the child, and for all the surrounding adults. And no wonder - it was in the child's transition to adulthood are actively starting to show such character traits as teenage negativism.
It is manifested in the fact that absolutely all the words of adults teenager begins to cast great doubt, to try to refute them, not in the debate, but in practice. Mama said that smoking is harmful to health? So, we need to see through the smoke and half a year, what happens. The Pope said that the house should be no later than ten o'clock at night? We must try to come to 11 and see what happens.
In addition, virtually all teenagers at some point, it begins to seem that adults too much climbing is not only the soul, but in the life of a child. Especially if their adult behavior only confirmed his suspicions. There are several major taboos that violate the psychologists it is not recommended:
- Do not rummage in the children's things - things pockets, handbags, desk drawers. Remember that a child is likely to perceive this behavior as an expression of distrust of parents to him.
- The same is true of mobile phones and computers - it is not necessary to climb on them. Believe me, if your child - a teenager wants to see porn videos, and so it is their look, not at home with friends.
Otherwise, your child closes a tighter than a clam in its shell. Even in the case. if the relationship parents have with children is just perfect, in adolescence, they still try once again to parents not to let their lives. And so to know that your child is in love, most attentive parents can only on the basis of love, because the child is unlikely to be able to hide all of your thoughts and emotions. So, these features include:
- The residence time of the child's home
In the event that sooner your child can spend days on end reading books or on the computer, but in recent years, increasingly began to vanish outside the home, to come back later than usual, it may be a sign that he fell in love. And all his spare time, of course, he tries to spend with his passion.
In this case, parents will blunder bans spending time away from home. The child begins to violently protest against such a ban, and may just hate you. Of course, after some time this hatred will disappear without a trace, but long enough hassle provided both by the parents and the teenager.
It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, about the boundaries of reasonable mind in any case can not - is unacceptable to allow the teenager to come back in the morning. However, let me go home son or daughter at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will appreciate your trust!
- Increasing the time talking on the phone
Often, when an adolescent boy or girl appears, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. And in the event that the earlier a child with no - or carelessly talking on the phone in front of you, now he tries to leave the room, or at least move a little bit away from you that you did not hear the conversation.
And many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child hides from them something criminal. However, in reality, the majority of these conversations are essentially completely harmless. A child goes just because, thinking himself quite an adult, tends to some autonomy and independence. Do not worry about it - very soon this aspiration will be consequences, immediately after disappear youthful maximalism.
- The request to increase the pocket money
Typically, this option is valid with respect to the boys. This is not surprising - it fortunately does not matter what kind of emancipation and other "charms" of modern life, yet still quite a lot of these representatives of the stronger sex, who prefer to pay for the costs of visits. And parents should be happy that they managed to raise a real man, and let as yet very young.
Try as the material possibilities of your family still identify her son a little more money, so that he could take his girlfriend in a cafe, or even trite to pay for her travel on public transport. Otherwise, the child will begin to look for an opportunity to find their own money.
And when you consider the fact that not always a teenager can make money, parents should seriously consider. There is no guarantee that your son begins to steal money from you. And it is at best, and at worst a son may be involved in a variety of illegal activities, and as a result it have quite serious problems with the law. It is unlikely you want it?
The change of mood as a teenager may indicate his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In that case, if the first mutual love, the child feels a certain euphoria, is always in a good mood, it is very difficult to mess up.
But in that case, if the object of sympathy did not answer teenage love in return, the picture may be quite the opposite. The child is almost always in a depressed state may refuse to walk, eat. Girls as young people can cry a lot. Of course, parents should at this time to try to help your child, but remember that the perception of the world of adolescents still absolutely not the same as in adults.
And if an adult woman broke up with his passion, despite her sobs, be pleased to discuss with a friend all his faults, and agree that it is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to the attempt of parents to specify the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely shut down a. And even just an attempt to mom or dad to comfort a baby can cause a reaction of protest. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.
For example, if you have the opportunity to send a child somewhere - somewhere to relax - a change of scenery is very good at helping people, even adults, not to mention the impressionable teenagers. Or buy him what he wanted for a long time - the computer, the new phone. And do not worry too much - no matter how deadly wound did not seem sincere child, very soon, he will calm down and forget my first unrequited love.
- The appearance of a teenager
One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager all - still in love with is his attention to his appearance. Just yesterday your son not caring purity of his shoes, but today they can gaze, as if in a mirror? Your daughter is no reason, no reason at the beginning to ask you for permission to repaint the hair? All this is cause for parents assume that their child is in love.
It was during this period also often appear quite serious conflicts between parents and children. This is not surprising - of course, if the child has become more carefully monitor their appearance, it will only be a plus. Often, however, the teenager spends most of this experiment with your appearance - hair dye in unimaginable colors, kinds pierces the body, puts incredible clothes.
Of course, few parents can safely and silently observe similar experiments, without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired impact, but to spoil relations with a child is a very high probability. So try to take the child with all its experiments - very soon they will be, as they are just one of the unavoidable factors of growing up and finding yourself.
If we tolerate such a creative absolutely unbearable, try to offer a child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least a little to adjust the appearance of a teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try in this period to save on wardrobe of your child, otherwise he may develop serious enough complexes. And children are quite cruel creatures - tease stand out from the crowd a child who does not have a particular fashion things for them is absolutely normal practice.
- The advent of contraceptives
Sometimes it happens by chance that the parents are the adolescent contraception. As a rule, most of the boys are just condoms. But the girls also often possible to find the means of contraception - condoms are the same, or even birth control pills.
This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good that the baby too soon began to be sexually active. And it is natural that the first is the desire to become parents rush to throw a terrible scandal to the showdown and the search for the perpetrators.
However, before you do that, try to calm down and think clearly. What you will achieve a scandal? Virginity to your child will not return with all your wish. But the relationship, once again, can be spoiled completely.
Psychologists recommend parents to pretend that they did not notice anything and ... enjoy. You can anticipate the violent objections of the parents - they say, what is there to be happy? And the fact that your child was quite reasonable and far-sighted to take care of their security. Not all teens who were sexually active, think about your own safety as in principle.
But do not relax as it is not necessary - all the same your child is still quite young, and hardly aware of all the dangers that can be fraught with sex. Try to inadvertently make the child has received all the necessary information. As you do this - it does not matter. You can leave a visible place the appropriate thematic literature, for example.
Of course, this list of possible signs of teenage love is very conditional. Often, these changes occur in adolescence, regardless of whether or not love the child. In addition, psychologists say that most of these symptoms should alert the parents, particularly the disappearance of money from home, and the constant fluctuations emotional background of the child. In some cases, this may indicate the presence of a child is quite serious problems, until the drug.
And generally considered to be so - the more dialed signs, the more likely that child is really in love. And very often the best way to learn is a child becomes an open question. However, as you remember, if it does not want to answer it, do not insist and try to get into the child's soul - can only push him away.
How to behave parents?
As you can see, the changes in teenagers in love is almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How parents react to this situation? Let it take its course and not interfere? But the above mentioned that the first love sometimes can lead to very dire consequences.
Intervene? But here the parents can watch for pitfalls - the child decides that you do not trust him or overly patronize. This also often leads to various conflicts. Tragically, parents often take the path of least resistance - simply forbid your child to communicate with the object of love. And little things like damaged relationship with his son, did not pay much attention, believing that things will get better by itself.
However, this tactic of behavior is not the most correct. At first glance, everything can go entirely unnoticed. However, in reality this is not so - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep in the subconscious. And do not then, many years later, to wonder - why your child does to you, "ceremonial" courtesy visits several times a year, writing off to a terrible time.
However, this is not the most unpleasant of all, what can turn out such a course of conduct.
Do not believe?