Children's aggression - it is a problem that concerns a huge number of parents. And this is no accident - in recent years, more and more children show an excessive amount of aggression, which greatly complicates the process of social adaptation of the child in society. And to make this process proceeded as smoothly as possible, parents should be aware of the causes that provoke children's aggression and how to fight it.
To understand the causes of childhood aggression and methods of dealing with it, you must know and prehistory - that have all the features of child psychology from the birth of the child. This is what will be discussed in this article.
Just came to being able to experience a pipsqueak only two of the strongest emotions - dissatisfaction with anything or pleasure. So, for example, if the baby does not feel any pain, does not feel hunger, and his diaper is dry, he shows only pleasure and positive emotions. These emotions he can express - depending on their age - a calm sleep serene Gulen or smile.
Otherwise, if the crumb is experiencing any discomfort, whatever it was called, he did not slow down very rapidly to show their discontent - it will kick the legs, pulled out of your hands, or just begin to act up strongly and loudly cry. However, as the child grows, his protest actions begin to evolve, becoming more complex. Protest crumbs begins to emerge with the help of destructive actions, which he directs, or to the people who, according to him, it hurt, or what -nibud expensive for these people things.
Very often young parents for the first time faced with such aggressive behavior of the child, very much afraid, assuming the worst - the presence of their baby any serious mental health problems and even deviant behavior. Surely each child psychologist and psychotherapist can tell a lot of cases when they were on the receiving terrified young parents brought barely learned to walk and talk crumbs, complaining about the allegedly unwarranted aggression.
However, this is not true - it's aggression in varying degrees inherent in absolutely anyone. Psychologists explain this phenomenon by the fact that aggression is originally just an instinctive behavior that is necessary to ensure that individual (in this case we are talking about a person) can survive in the environment. In other words, aggression is one of the most important components of any living creature of instinct - the instinct of self-preservation.
However, it goes without saying that a man is different from animals is the ability to think reasonably. And as the child grows and his development, he will gradually learn to implement their instinctive aggressive initiatives in the forms of expression that are acceptable in society. In the language of psychologists, a man as he matures going socialization of aggressive initiatives. Children's aggression should disappear almost completely.
In some cases, unfortunately, the man even as adults, and does not acquire the skills of self-control over their aggression. As a result, such a person is very difficult to live in a society of people. In particularly serious cases, aggressive behavior can become so unmanageable that the result would be an adult or in a mental hospital, or worse - in places not so remote. Agree, very sad prospect ...
It is therefore an important priority task of all parents, without exception, is to teach the child control their thoughts, feelings and behavior. However, many parents go to this goal is not quite the right way, just trying to suppress the child's aggression. However, doing this is by no means impossible, as aggression is essential for the development of the individual quality.
And if parents would suppress these negative emotions the child is very high risk that the resulting aggressive impulses, finding no way out, will turn against the child - develop the so-called psychologists autoaggression. And as a result the child can be applied very substantial harm to himself. And there, and to the development of psychosomatic disorders at hand.
That is why most importantly, what should parents teach their child - is to control their aggressive emotions, splashing them in a safe way. Moreover, as can be effective, but safe to assert their interests and rights, as well as to protect themselves from possible dangers of the world by social security, without causing harm to themselves or people around.
In order to successfully cope with this problem, parents should thoroughly deal with all issues related to the main causes of aggressive behavior. Child psychologists are three groups of causes, which are the major causes of the child's destructive behavior:
Mistrust and fear
In the event that a pipsqueak, for whatever reasons, has a reason not to trust the people around him, and the world as a whole, or else feels fear anything, aggressive behavior will not be long in coming. Parents should remember that the cause of a child's fears can be a trifle - nevovremya lights off, too scary story, you rashly tossed phrase. The child may be afraid of anything - dark, clowns, thunderstorms, wind, that because of any faults you stop loving him. Parents should carefully monitor their own words.
And is not serious to treat children's fears psychologists and is not recommended. The fact that the adult seems quite trivial - a real tragedy for the child. And especially do not make fun of children's fears - child simply closes in itself, but the problem will not go away. But losing the trust of the child so that you can with a very high probability.
No less often attacks of aggression in children provoked by various prohibitions and fails in his requests. This is not surprising - after a young child is very difficult to come to terms with the word "no." So what should parents do? Perform every whim of the child? Of course not - it's just not possible, and the psyche of the child can be hurt badly enough - even if you always and everywhere will indulge the child, sooner or later, it still grows. And the surrounding society will not adjust to one person. And your adult child risks becoming an outcast.
That is why parents should teach the child to understand and accept the waiver. First, try to say "No" only if the refusal is really necessary. And by denying the child in anything, certainly justifies its refusal to affordable child language, even if the crumb is still quite small.
Sometimes the cause of the attacks of aggression is to understand the child himself as a person. Thus pipsqueak asserts itself, defend their identity and the right to identity. This step is very important in the life of every child and the inevitable stage of personality. Parents need to show in this situation maximum restraint, tact, patience and friendliness.
Formation of a child relationship to the world
Forming the base of man's relationship to the world around him it is formed in the first year of his life. At this age the child receive any trust, a sense of security both to the people and about life in general, or the same, when unfavorable circumstances, a child formed the fear and mistrust, fear and anxiety.
Of course, the formation of this relationship to the world is a very complicated and quite a lengthy process. And it affects a large number for a variety of factors, ranging from the characteristics of a woman's pregnancy. Scientists have long shown that the morale of the pregnant woman very quickly affects the state of the unborn child. As a rule, if a woman experiences during pregnancy have - or shocks, or experiencing the excitement and fear, or is in a state of chronic stress, the baby is born too whiny, with disturbed sleep and a heightened sense of anxiety.
As the child grows he starts attacks of aggression, sometimes absolutely unexplainable. Aggression in preschool children may erupt out of nowhere. It is very important how parents react to such a child's behavior. In that case, if the parents are showing a sense of love and patience in relation to the child, and the baby knows exactly what he will love no matter what, he will gradually appear a sense of trust, not only to parents but also to all the people around him.
In the same case, if a child for any reason, the impression that he is indifferent to their parents or, worse still, he decides that adults hate it, the situation could become critical. The child will think that the situation will worsen already can not, and, therefore, limit themselves in their actions will not be - so it can be expected all anything. Typically, in such cases, the adult child's future expect very serious mental problems that can bring a lot of problems as the others and himself.
In addition to an extremely negative perception of the world and the development of uncontrolled aggression can often result in systemic conflicts of adult family members. If parents crumbs constantly cussing each other, the child will reside in anticipation of the impending scandal.
Of course, almost all the dismantling and explanation of the relationship parents prefer to arrange a reasonable distance from the children's eyes and ears, behind closed doors. However, no matter how you were hiding, even the smallest child will notice unfavorable tense psychological atmosphere. This is not surprising - after the birth of people have it close to him the world, which has replaced my mother's belly. And that's why any conflict in the family is perceived as a direct threat to the baby directly to him.
Another reason that can lead to bouts of aggression in a child can be the establishment of the crumbs of their personal boundaries. Every baby is born completely dependent on their mothers and fathers. And in the process of growing up crumbs main task is to establish autonomy and independence - and especially from their parents.
It often turns out that the process of becoming a child's independence has been very painful, and for both sides - both for parents and for the baby itself. And if the parents behave properly, the consequences of this formation can be very sad. And parents often make different mistakes.
However, all these errors arise from the same widespread misconceptions. And mom and dad have to remember that, despite the fact that the child was born because of them, it is not the property of the parents - it is completely independent person. You will not be able to stay close to your child all his life - he will sooner or later begin an independent life in society. And that's why the kid to grow high-grade self-sufficient person.
How to deal with children's aggression?
Knowing what exactly causes aggressive behavior provoked a son or daughter, parents are much easier to prevent outbreaks of aggression in the child. Or at least rapidly dampen them, avoiding the development of acute conflicts. And the most important quality that must have parents - it's endurance and patience. Agree, stupid enough to solve problems and resolve conflicts in a state of heightened excitability and nervousness.
The first thing parents need to remember - the best assistant in the fight against aggression, a child is parental love. Children need to feel that they are loved, absolutely in any situation, regardless of their actions. In no case, even if you are very angry and annoyed, do not allow such statements as "If you bad boy (girl), mom and dad will not love you." This phrase, uttered by you in a temper, is a major blow to the fragile child's psyche. In no case do not grieve the child, and certainly not to make judgments about it on one or more misdemeanors. Never tell your child - "you're a bad boy," or "you're a bad girl." It is much wiser to say, "you're not enrolled (a) and I am very upset (a)." Thus, you give your child understand that you are upset with it any particular his act, but, in any case, not the crumbs.
Be sure to devote sufficient attention to your child. Play with the crumbs go together for a walk, read a book. And if for some reason you can not at the moment when the child turns to you with the request to pay attention to it, do not dismiss it. And especially do not be angry with crumbs for persistence and annoying: the purpose of the request of the child - a chat with you, but did not wish to annoy you.
So, try to communicate with the child. And if it does, for whatever reasons, can not be objective, be sure to explain your failure kid. Tell him that you also really want to play with him, but at the moment you are very tired, or you need to finish some important work. And then you are sure to spend time with him. Believe me, your child is much less painfully accept such a waiver, and no offense will not.
Too many parents prefer to simply buy off their children or expensive things and toys, or money. However, to do so in any case impossible. A child in the first place need your love and attention. And only then can we talk about toys and money. Any child, even very small, will sooner or later feel that the parents, he is not very interesting. And begin to attract attention by any means necessary - including aggressive behavior.
It is equally important to remember about such factors as personal example. Mostly mirooschuschenienie miroosoznanie and baby are formed by the example of their parents. Therefore, if you do not want your kid grew up as an aggressor and a fighter, in any case, do not let yourself be any whatsoever aggressive initiatives - either in relation to children, nor with respect to each other, and even to kakim- or abstract things. After all, your child is constantly watching you and, of course, quite accurately copy your behavior. So do not be surprised if his behavior you will notice its shortcomings.
Remember that in any case inadmissible forcibly suppress the child aggressive impulses - it can lead to a strong nervous shocks. The most important thing parents need to do - is to teach the baby to give vent to his aggression in a way that would suit everyone. Painting, sculpture, toys, any - any sport - all this can be called the best of ways, when we say, how to deal with children's aggression.
Teach your child to express his displeasure and anger of words, rather than antisocial actions. Tell him how to express anger words, instead of, for example, to strike the offender. For example, if your child throw at you with his fists, do not push it, and especially not spank him. It is much wiser to embrace the child, squeeze it to yourself and do not let up until it is completely calm. Once this happens, talk to him, tell me how you love and let them know that you are always ready to listen to your favorite baby, and come to his aid. Over time, the child will roll up such hysteria less and less, and gradually the outbreak and did come to naught.
Remember that your child is a person, which must be respected even if it is still too small. Your child should have a sufficient amount of freedom and independence, for which it will have personal responsibility. But, of course, giving it the freedom and independence, parents must consider the age of the child and his ability to properly and reasonably dispose of this freedom. Otherwise, the consequences can be very unpredictable.