It is impossible for life to love a predictable person
Love lights up. Love dizzy. Love gives wings. The great feeling - Love! Great. But ... blinding. And initially chosen relationship seems to us the best, most ideal. And we believe that this magical state will last forever and will never end. But time passes, and many families are falling apart. Only a few, who know exactly how to save a marriage and not to drown in domestic issues continue to live happily ever after. The other insight comes suddenly, like, "Why is it I did not notice before, that she was so talkative? "Or" He's so sloppy as I could not see it that before the wedding? ".
The gentle and cordial relations gradually somewhere disappear and are replaced by irritability and intolerance. And yesterday's ardent lover suddenly begin to treat each other tightly, and sometimes cruel. Why instead of joy with time comes disappointment? What should be done to save the marriage for years to come?
What is love? Other theories
Love existed since the origins of humanity. And all these thousands of years each person is looking for your soul mate and trying to understand what is love? For hundreds of centuries were born many theories. Artists and philosophers, writers and musicians - all contribute to the concept of "love" is a contribution based on personal experience. Not always, these theories were confirmed, but they grew strong opinions, shrouded in legends and superstitions. These legends picked up by, passed on from generation to generation, and then were born the myths, in which many people still continue to believe. They think that they have something really know exactly how to save your marriage. But is it really?
In reality, these (often incorrect) idea of sustainable nature and the mystery of love exert their negative impact on the further development of relations in the family. Such a multifaceted and complex phenomenon, like love, can not be considered a realistic, incomprehensible point of view. It does not influenced by stereotypes, and so many popular opinions in practice, are nothing more than myths. Let's see what kind of myths and try not to make the mistakes of others.
Lovers should not have secrets from each other
It seems to be all right. Once the two halves are considered, then they, together, - one. And a whole can not be secrets from himself. In reality, things are not so simple. As much as we have no confidence in his own half, each of us in the experience there is something that wants to forget. It may be unpleasant memories related to sexual harassment, difficult relationship with their parents, some immorality and so on.
Usually, such situations cause significant internal discomfort. And talk about them very uncomfortable, even a loved one. And, before devoting his secrets in someone, you need to understand and process the mystery itself, in order then to remind you of the past did not respond very painful.
This work - a difficult thing. Sometimes the process of psychosocial rehabilitation lasts for years. Marriage is meant not only to the peaceful coexistence of two loving, but also sparking a quarrel from time to time. And then almost all of us are trying to hit the half as painfully as possible, taking advantage of "Sucker Punch." It is this technique can be a reminder of the event causing unbearable pain when something happens in your life.
Therefore, those who accept love as the foundation of the family and realizes that she is "a fragile substance" never tell your sweetheart to the end. This is reasonable, because the temptation to take advantage of negative information about a person in great scandal. And yielding to him, we methodically kill warmth and sincerity of the relationship. If you still really want to share all their secrets, such transparency should be mutual. In some cases, the secrets of which the spouses hold together, pull together and increase their sense of trust in each other.
Any man can be changed
Fall in love, almost every man is trying to present itself lady in the most favorable light, strongly demonstrating all their positive qualities. Of course, the emphasis shifted perception of his woman for the better. And she may not quite the right idea, based on the impression that the man wants to make.
A wise woman knows that in time it will manifest not chosen the most beautiful traits and not very pleasant habit. And she's ready to take it along with these traits and habits, and does not intend to change anything in the man. Perhaps then he unwittingly change itself. And if not - it recognizes loved for who is. Or does not recognize. Time will tell.
However, many of the fairer sex are making every effort to ensure that the chosen fashion of his ideal. And begins to break down, causing the unusual nature make a man of action. This expectation women may not always correspond to those positive qualities that it has chosen. It happens that she does not understand what he wants.
In addition, women vague idea how to fix some of the shortcomings of her husband, want to get everything at once. Agree, it does not happen! Any development, including the development of relations, there is a progressive and dynamic. A discrepancy between the expectations and leads to deterioration of the climate in the family, and the qualities of the character of the woman.
To disappointments did not arise, it is necessary to understand that everything for the strongest marriages should try to imagine exactly what the man next to you, and what would you like to see in a life partner. And remember that the essence of human remains unchanged and attempts to transform usually end in failure.
Parting is not for us
There is a misconception that vapors generated by love, neither husband nor wife, never thinking about divorce. This is not true. Almost every family in each of the spouses sometimes attends the thought of parting. After all, any union of two people have their own problems, questions and fears. And in each pair time to time there is a crisis in the relationship. In the first year of this crisis may be associated with cognition each other or with the advent of children. Then, the couple begins a midlife crisis, a crisis of values and other revaluation.
Meet and work together to overcome the crisis period are able to not all. His inability to even the most loving couples transformed into anger or irritation and projecting them on the partner. Thus conflicts arise, during which both spouses see each other only in black colors and involuntarily thinking about parting.
In the strongest marriages wife know that you should not hold back the accumulated negative feelings. The steam must be released, but also to understand that the thought of parting is only temporary result of irritation rather than a deliberate and firm decision. After the Armistice the thought, and not a trace remains. In addition, mutual emotional outburst will allow internal discharge voltage, and the relationship in the pair will be much more comfortable.
Therefore, to remain silent in times of crisis is inappropriate. The feeling of dissatisfaction with each other will grow, resentment will begin accepting rampant. And then the thought of parting will not seem such a unrealistic. As a result, even the strongest marriage may be on the verge of collapse. Therefore, if you want to quarrel - quarrel, but it does not attach much importance to phrases like: "I'm fed up, I'm with you getting a divorce! "This is just an attempt to strong psychological impact.
Sex in the first place
Even the most ardent sex spouses there are periods of calm, when intimate life losing ground to other pursuits. The reason is quite simple - the spouses need to solve some problems of everyday life, which blunts emotions and their libido is moving away into the background. In addition, they may be tired, constantly thinking about some pressing issues.
Of course, sexual pleasure is added and enhance mutual feelings, but how often and when to have sex every couple chooses for itself, without taking into account people's opinions. Of great importance here are of age and experience. If desired, the couple will always find an option that suits both. An outside opinion in this case, can only prevent the optimal choice.
A man in love does not stare at other
Oh, how much conflict is the widespread belief breed! You can not live in society and to be isolated from it. Everyone meets every day many attractive people. And some of them are becoming interesting, but this interest is, as a rule, does not go beyond communication. There's nothing to be ashamed of, on the contrary, harmless flirtation and hobbies only fueled the fire of relations.
Without a doubt, and in a flirtation there is a danger to cross the border. Even the ardent love is not a guarantee that a spouse will never change each other. However, such wood mangled they can usually a fever or severe injury. This, of course, does not apply to those marriages where the husband or wife are walking right and left. These families rely on free love. And the couple they do not pay attention to who stare at anyone. We're talking about couples who prefer loyalty.
In order for this loyalty has been unbroken, it is not necessary to focus too much on the fact that the second half like someone else. This is just a temporary fad that can not destroy a marriage safe. If you constantly blame his mate that he is interested in someone else, sooner or later it can really be interested in this "other" seriously. And then there is a real threat of losing a loved one forever.
It is impossible for life to love a predictable person
Often, our understanding of life fit into the scheme is the same for all: kindergarten, school, getting a profession, marriage, birth of children and so on. And in any relationship, you can also find the usual algorithm: familiarity - love - courtship - a wedding. ... And now far behind the exciting period of recognition, all the reactions, habits and tastes of the second half are known. Now must come the period of the monotony of daily routine. It is this opinion is based, and the myth, the Council remains one another mysterious, unpredictable and incomprehensible to the end.
However, we must admit that the overwhelming number of couples to follow such advice is harmful. In a rare human psyche withstand constant tension for several years. As a result of such stress can lead to nervous breakdowns, and they certainly did not contribute to the strengthening of the family. Then, when the actions of spouses subject to forecasting in a family atmosphere reigns firmly stability, peace and security. This is for the good of marriage is more important than the psychological swing, arising from the fact that one of the pair will never know how to behave in a given situation the other. We are all in this life so lacking solid support, we strive to find the family. And what kind of support may be a person whose actions can not be predicted? Therefore, it can be said that it is the predictability of the spouses are most strengthens the family and makes it sound wall.
This is perhaps the most common erroneous views about marriage. Unfortunately, many of us continue to abide by them. No, of course, there are quite a happy couple, that these rules are quite satisfied. But they are not so much. In general, there is no need to stick to some stereotypes, and to pay attention to other people's opinions. And then the question of how to save a marriage, will disappear by itself. Build a family unit, based on its own considerations, because your happiness is only in your hands!
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