husband does not want to work


  • A man without a salary. Why is that?
  • If a man fired from his job, how to get her husband to work again
  • If a man earns less than the woman or does not work at all

In modern society, where the role of man as the breadwinner and provider are not yet fully disavowed, there are situations when the husband is not working. Or, alternatively, often changing jobs, which, of course, can not be considered as a fact of family stability. The development of such features of the social system, as the acquisition of women equal rights with men and strengthening women's role in the traditionally male positions, led to the fact that the beautiful ladies to build a career and reach the top of the social significance is much easier than men. A situation where the wife earns more than her husband, does not seem something of a paradox. Someone has already seriously believes that it is time to talk about men, like the lost member of society. And more and more women are complaining on the forums: "My husband does not want to work! "

Of course, not all that bad. Men - worthy of half of humanity, and write them off can not in any case. After all, without them we can not survive: the world would be dull and gray. Traditionally well - for centuries - they were the breadwinners and protectors. Change this view of the strong half of mankind is difficult. Perhaps that is why the fact remains that if the husband does not work and a long time could not find a new source of income, it is very possible the emergence of family problems of a critical nature. Let's try to understand the reasons due to which the representatives of the strong half of mankind join the ranks of the unemployed.

 the husband does not work what to do

A man without a salary. Why is that?

Finding yourself ... It is one of the most common reasons why the husband does not want to work. He just can not find a deal like that brings a penny in the family budget. The breadth of choice, as is known, often making it impossible to select the fact. Precisely because of this man is often extremely difficult to find the point of application of the forces. Therefore, it often happens that the husband does not work, if the work does not suit him in terms of personal development and self-realization of men.

Routine and tedious responsibilities in men capable of killing their inherent nature of creativity. A insufficient income does not allow them to fully feel the head of the family. After all, according to a man with no money in the eyes of its membership drops sharply. All this makes him look more and more new types of work, corresponding to the maximum of his inclinations and predilections. But, alas, most often this process is strongly delayed in time. What if a husband is not working, and still "looking for himself?" In this difficult period, the task of this intelligent wives and girlfriends - not "saw" a man without screaming at each corner, that her husband does not want to work, the second half did not allude to the fact that he - a nonentity and a loser.

Should the wife make in this case? Yes of course! Correctly enter those women who are in this difficult period can provide a beloved and moral and material support. Faith and desire for a better capable of doing literally miracles. To inspire the man thought that he is sure to find its place in the full whirl of life - and soon as if by magic, everything will change for the better.

If a man fired from his job, how to get her husband to work again

Dismissal from work does not happen so rarely, as you can imagine. Especially in the period, which is called crisis. Such a dismissal - a severe blow to the psyche and self-esteem men, not to mention the fact that a change in the social status of experienced, usually very painful. More recently, the man had a job, and he made plans to bring to the family income ... But today your husband does not work and had to open the doors of the center of employment. Perhaps this situation is more complicated than that, when a suitable job can not be found for a long time. If a person who is accustomed to and likes to work, is out of work, we can talk about the phenomenon as a psychological disaster.

What if the husband does not work after the reduction? In this case, the correct behavior of a woman depends very much, and sometimes - and a happy family life in general. First of all, do not need to help her husband or another in search of a new place of work - it is possible that these good reasons, he will perceive as a strong blow to his ego. It is important to give a man time to recover, get together, "to regroup."

And it is sure to get better. The man who owns the specialty and have experience, be sure to find its place in the sun. Lack of psychological pressure on your side, joint visit on vacation - and the case will necessarily go smoothly in the very near future.

 what to do if the husband does not want to work

If a man earns less than the woman or does not work at all

If the income of a man less than the amount that brings the family budget in a piggy bank a woman - this is perhaps the most difficult of the cases. But here, as they say, are possible options. My husband does not work, what to do to his wife? If it considers it to head of the family, regardless of its financial contribution to the common cause, then such a pair, without exaggeration, can be considered happy. But in most cases the situation is exactly the opposite.

Almost all of us in varying degrees, are hostage to stereotypes imposed by society. One of them says that a man - earner and breadwinner of the family, which means that he has to earn enough. If the situation is different, the man automatically falls into the category of losers and losers (because women want to see in the face of her husband's support, not freeloader). This, in turn, gives rise to a number of serious complexes vent which, alas, on who is next. That is close to the woman.

In solving such problems can help a competent psychologist who can give couples sensible practical advice. In some cases, help advice of experienced friends who have gone through similar tests. But in any case, by all means come and hold a loved one, be in this depression. Just love, thus giving him to understand that he is the most important person in your life. Not bad would happen if a woman can help a man find a useful and fascinating hobby, allowing him to open up and self-actualization. Do not be amiss to praise at every opportunity, and not very significant. If a man feels on the sidelines in the material sense, faith and support of loved ones need it more than ever.

In any case, the choice of methods of saving men from infertile mental agony and the formation of unnecessary complexes is always the woman who is close to him. After all, she knows just how important support in difficult times. It is important to always remember that together you can overcome any adversity and trouble. And life certainly changed for the better.

But what if the husband does not want to work and at the same time does not feel any remorse? It is important to understand that a man deliberately chooses a passive role and beautifully themselves in it feel at the time, as long as you grind away at work for the sake of the bright future of the family. And if you see that your husband is not going to send out resumes, but once again asks you for pocket money, think about it: but if you need a miracle of nature? After all, you married a man, not a boarder to yourselves, right?

 What if the husband does not want to work?

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  • Love illness - it is not deadly
  • Love is a chemical reaction
  • Love triangle love and palette
  • Love friendship as part of a perfect feeling

Ah, love, love ... You dedicate a poem about you sing, dream and admire you, waiting for you, hate and fear. Yes, the fear, because everything that has no explanation, usually scares. Perhaps that is why mankind since ancient times trying to find the answer to the phenomenon of feeling that can create, destroy, mad and praise to the heavens. And beating on finding an answer, trying unsuccessfully to find a clear explanation of the appearance of passionate love between two people. Beats stubbornly, sometimes crying, "Eureka! "(Everyone remembers Honourable Count Cagliostro?), And then sighed in disappointment - again not.

Why do people love each other? Find the answer to this question, we probably do not know. The mystery of the magic that occurs between the sexes, there since time immemorial and still it was not disclosed by any of the deaths. And why? For pragmatic devoid of any illusions the world, fussy, steeped in intrigue and lies, suddenly for a brief moment as if the hated removes the mask and brought before a man in a completely different form. He charms the charm of flowering gardens, fascinating singing nightingale in May night, amazing beauty of the landscape ...

All this he reveals only to those who at least once in a lifetime experience love. So why seek an explanation for this magic? It is much more correct to just believe in it, and, like an enthusiastic child waiting for the fate of this great gift, able to touch the ancient secret and become for a moment part of the world of harmony and universal happiness.

Of course, the fate of this gives a chance to all people. But every man in his own experience love. Someone, it hurts, someone transformed into hatred, someone brings joy, but someone inspires us to great things. Modern psychologists studying this phenomenal feeling, tried to classify it (Oh, these realists!) And identified the main types of love. Let's see, what they have given to the definition of magic that illuminates and gives meaning to our lives.

Love illness - it is not deadly

According to the American psychologist Dorothy Tennov, author of the book "Love and Love" that we often take for such a deep and tender feeling, there is nothing but the action of the blind mechanism of nature, the main purpose of which - the reproduction of individuals, and for some time education of their children together. It is very similar to the relationship between people cave times when relations were tied solely for procreation, it existed a short period after the baby is born, so he was a little stronger, and disintegrated as soon as the kid can take care of all the other members of the clan, making it easy duties of a mother. His father found a new woman, and acquire another offspring.

This feature of the existence of our ancient ancestors, due to the need to continue the race at any cost, often manifested now. After all, young marriages have a nasty tendency to break up after three or four years after registration and birth of first child. Here you have a genetic memory of generations! According Tennov so fleeting feeling of love is called painful having symptoms such as:

  • obsessive thoughts about the object of passion;
  • pathologically morbid sense demand response;
  • a feeling of euphoria, if the feeling reciprocated.

The object of love becomes a man so important that it is completely overshadowing consciousness and upstage execution of important duties and solving pressing problems. He perceived somewhat distorted: his exaggerated positive qualities and negative - either not seen or are seen as virtues. Lover man feels for the object of his affection strongest permanent attraction mixed with sexual desire. It is not just a trivial pursuit with passion surrender carnal pleasures, which takes place immediately after intimacy. Love illness means enduring sexual cravings, which can not satisfy.

An effective cure for this disease exists. If the feeling is not mutual, and bring nothing but suffering to heal from them, Tennov advised to cease contact with the object of adoration, or to divert attention to another person. And then, and more to do, of course, is difficult, but it gives a guarantee of recovery without any psychological complications.

In general, the love, the disease is not fatal, and usually goes away within two to four years, even if it is mutual. However, according to Tennov it disappears only the sense in which there is currently an obsession. If not, a painful love, subject to reciprocity, can move smoothly in a calm and deep affection, which is the basis for a long and happy marriage.

 kinds of love

Love is a chemical reaction

You probably have heard how the lovers characterize their feelings immediately emerged. Often, their emotions are clothed in such phrases as: "It was like an electric shock," "Between us if slipped electrical discharge" or "I was struck by an invisible arrow" and so on. And it's not just words - as a rule, people are really experienced something like that because of the reaction of the human body.

Scientists rationalist who classified the kinds of love, of course, tried to explain the phenomenon of romantic attraction and reveal its enigma in terms of the physiology of men and women. Researchers have studied long and hard feelings accompanying these special biochemical processes. They spent a lot of experiments and concluded that they owe their existence to the revitalization of certain hormones.

One of them - phenylethylamine. This substance is produced in the brain in a very small, called trace, amounts. And that it blamed for "mad" love. Action phenylethylamine is analogous to the cocaine, he also turned on by a man who has a feeling of euphoria and a strong sexual desire. Over time, the body gets used to love with phenylethylamine first acute sense is dulled and no longer causes a powerful sensations.

The second hormone that promotes the emergence of a magic "chemistry" - oxytocin. It affects the sexual sphere, and men and women, enhancing their work, increases their sensitivity to touch. It oxytocin we must desire to hug and kiss a loved one. But such action with respect to the closest people and very helpful to anyone who wants them - they soothe and relieve stress. Perhaps that is why oxytocin helps keep the affection and love to extend when the exposure ends phenylethylamine. An interesting conclusion was made by scientists: the higher a person self-esteem, the better it the ratio of these two hormones. As a result of his choice of marriage partner for the most fortunate.

Love triangle love and palette

Zig psychologist Rubin, for its part, has studied love and diversity of its species, he came to the interpretation of the romantic feelings of a completely different than pragmatic point of view, expanding it into three parts: in the attachment, caring and intimacy. The combination of all these components and as a result provides the very emotions that yearns to experience any of us.

  • Affection, according to Rubin, - the desire of caring, praise and physical contact with another person. For example, if we are bad, we at some point have felt lonely or have created a need to pull over to the partner, "cry" to him - then we are tied to it. Often we commit such acts unconsciously, so to speak, in an emotional impulse.
  • Care - this is nothing, as the exaltation of the needs of the partner on their own. It was she who forced the interests of another person put to the forefront, is the experience for him and a desire to help him, and comfort. True love is not possible without mutual care of each other.
  • Intimacy - an association of common feelings, thoughts and needs two people. And there is always a strong correlation: the more intimacy, the more trust and a desire to share your inner world and emotions with a partner. Relationship deprived of such manifestations of the interpenetration of the physical and spiritual, are doomed to failure.

However, Zick Rubin, too, was a man of science, unable to simply believe in love without conditions, reservations and other "but". Select these three components, it is relying on them, he developed a scale, by the standards of which supposedly can determine the strength of romantic feelings experienced by a man. Boring, is not it? Just imagine what would happen if suddenly a clever scientists invent a machine that will begin to assess the extent to which deep love? In the world there are no more great mystery. It is better sometimes to be deceived by setting illusions!

Psychologist John Alan Lee in his famous book compares love to the color wheel - palette. In this round of the three primary colors represent the three main styles, which manifested affection for the partner. Lee gave them a beautiful Greek names - Storge, Eros and Ludos. He must have borrowed the name from Aristotle, who also asked the eternal question, trying to classify the kinds of love. It seems that his works are popular and more modern scientists. So, John Alan Lee palette looks like this:

  • Storge - love-friendship;
  • Ludos - Love game.
  • Eros - love for the ideal partner.

Just as in painting, primary colors can be combined to obtain new and additional shades. The three main styles offer nine additional combinations. For example, a compound of Eros and Ludosa generates Mania - obsessive passion. The combination Ludosa and Storge resulting in a Pragma - a realistic and practical view of the attachment. A mixture of Eros and Storge form of Agape - compassionate and selfless love.

 Different types of love

Love friendship as part of a perfect feeling

So Elaine Hatfield, one of the founders of the study of the psychology of human feelings, diligently and thoroughly examined this issue in an attempt to describe the main types of love, in the end it has divided into two types: the passionate and compassionate. These two emotions are the same in strength, but in the beginning there is always a first, and then, if the affection is mutual and deep enough, comes the turn of the second, is the best foundation for family relations.

Passionate love is, by definition, Hatfield, is inextricably linked with emotional bursts beyond the control of management. It depends on our upbringing and accidental circumstances. Some important for us personality traits chosen, the environment itself, the environment honking us that this man is the very real romantic feeling. In response to the external signs of the brain, having received such kind of team launches the corresponding mechanism and begins to fall in love. Man thinks that his feeling - it's for life, regardless of the age at which it came. Whether you seventeen, thirty or sixty, "include" the mind is useless, because the voice of the heart sounds and deafening imperative.

Totally different in quality compassionate love. As mentioned above, it stems from passion, if that is not based only on the carnal desire, and provides a spiritual kinship between two people. She always share common values, so it is tantamount to friendship when people like their joint activities and mutual pleasant communication.

Hatfield believes that the perfect feeling - a stable union of passion and of love, friendship. You're probably at least once heard the story of what two people connecting fate in his youth, happily lived together for about fifty years? Or another example: the death of a spouse plunges into solitude to the second end of life, so dear to him the memory of the untimely deceased elect. Unfortunately, this kind of love - quite a rarity. Why is it not available to everyone? Maybe it is given as a reward to the most worthy of us? Who knows…

According to scientists, reducing the passion and turn it into a real love usually occurs in pairs, sharing common spiritual values ​​and the same outlook. But did not happen, and so that the different social status, development and prosperity of people suddenly irresistibly attracted to each other like two halves of a whole? And then together they have to adapt, adjust, looking for understanding and, if the sense of linking them quite deep and sincere, finds happiness in the years to come. So can you explain this great mystery to the scientific point of view? And whether it is worth to give it any definition?

But they are still there, this interpretation of love from the perspective of scientists. Since the days of Aristotle, such definitions have undergone a negligible change. This is not surprising, because it is itself a great feeling turned out of time, out of the peoples, regardless of social differences, and so on. It is - as our life - dark and light, sizzling and revitalize, eternal and fleeting as a flash or a bright flash. Whether we agree with the opinion of scientists, psychologists and philosophers of antiquity? And whether you want to do this? After all, everyone has a story, exploring that, it can be stated that there are six kinds of love, seven species and so on.

Fortunately, the feelings are not subject to the general wording, definitions and frameworks. They are independent of our desires or beliefs. And so the love of every one of us has his own. And why do we need these scientific findings? Let's just love, enjoying the greatest gift, anxious to keep it in their hearts to generously share them with the elect! It's so great - to experience life every nerve, every cell of your body and enjoy all of its colors. And pardon the tautology, but long live the love of it in any way!

 Types of love: the most important human sense in the light of scientific views

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