husband did not want a child


  • Why is a man vs.
  • To give birth or not to have - that is the question!
  • The third - not a superfluous?
  • Why is my husband does not want a second child
  • If you are planning a second child
  • Arguments for Dad
  • Prohibited and permitted techniques
  • Financial problems
  • Maintain mutual respect and trust
  • If the child is not to be

Having a baby has always been a great miracle and at the same time, the challenge for the family. Many marriages birth of a baby is held together and gives life a new meaning. Some of the same family, on the contrary, faced with a number of difficulties associated with the lack of sleep the night, a bunch of diapers and a host of other problems that come with the birth of a new family member. Especially the prospect frightens young fathers, who also would not mind a walk, go to the football, drink beer with your friends, and now here you are - a baby! On the one hand, and they love to his wife and child, of course, the fruit of love. But somehow this is the fruit of constant screaming demands to be taken into his arms and celebrates the natural needs at the wrong time (when only took to the streets, or on the TV match in charge, and finally the parents lucky to sleep). That's starting to tighten the young (and sometimes no longer very young) men with the birth of heirs.

And in this case, is to do for women? Persuade your favorite? Search for new partners (who are not always willing to breed)? Or sit for hours on the forums asking the constant question, "what if the husband does not want children? "Many girls are so determined to have kids that are ready to get pregnant secret from her husband. We do not advise to solve the problem so dramatically. After all, there are many methods of how to persuade the partner in addition to the family. How? Let's face it.

Why is a man vs.

So why did a man so afraid to become fathers? In all cases, the reluctance of the desperate husband become the successor of sorts lies something more than just a failure to take care of the baby, wash its diapers and bury your nose before bedtime. Man realizes that the emergence of a new family member will completely change his life. If a woman become pregnant, ready to sacrifice their freedom (and its victim, agree that more extensive), a man sometimes really do not understand why he should for someone to give up a weekly bath or a trip to the championship.

In the first years of marriage the woman calm and do not worry if her husband does not want children. She enjoys the role of wife and believes that the beloved will soon thaw himself asks the kid. But the years go by, the husband still passionately welling borscht and escapes with friends in a bath. Any attempt to persuade him to end a child's gentle "Well, come on, baby," or more categorical "tired, stop," and then that a woman begins to see clearly. As it turned out, her man, and he would not mind to stay a child and pokapriznichat plenty, and a baby is becoming more a pipe dream. Some wives in this case, humble themselves, and continue to nurse overage child in the face of her husband. But many decide to go for broke and secretly pregnant.

 what to do if the husband does not want a child

To give birth or not to have - that is the question!

However, the most experienced psychologists advise women to take the time and do not make hasty decisions about the birth of a baby without a husband's consent. Remember that for men fatherhood is not a natural instinct. After all, a man, in contrast to women who do not wear their baby 9 months under her heart, feeling his every move. Fatherhood - a social phenomenon, which comes at different times after the birth of a child - someone in a minute, someone - a month, someone - in a year, while someone and never did.

And if in the difficult period when a man is a process of self-awareness father, added to various negative psychological factors that can have on a man too much pressure. Often husbands "break" and just leave the family, leaving the woman and the baby alone. Are you ready to take the risk? It is not necessary to hope that this situation will not happen to you. As shown by statistics, the outcome of the event expects about 40% of all couples where the birth of the baby was a unilateral decision. Another 20% of couples continue to live together, but the wife is constantly swear, which is also very adversely affects the psychological atmosphere in the family. Agree: This is not the kind of bright prospects that you draw yourself?

After all, if a man still left you alone will fully responsible for their child. Think, are you ready for this turn of events - it's not as easy as it might seem at first glance. And it's not the financial situation, money is not the most important thing. It is much more difficult to realize that the baby daddy will not share with you the joy of the first smile, first tooth, first steps of your crumbs.

Also, not to mention the fact that sometimes there are cases (but still happen) when conception is against the will of her husband's baby after leaving his dad becomes unnecessary, and his mother. Of course, the woman continues to take care of the baby, feed him, buy the best clothes and food. But the kid does not feel the warmth and sincere love of his mother, in which he so desperately needs. Uncommon situation where a single mother begins to engage the device of his personal life, and the child is in the care of grandparents. However, a woman should keep in mind that even the most loving families for all his desire not able to replace the crumbs of his family - mum and dad. And very often the woman is simply not aware of all responsibility, still wrestle with the dilemma of "I want a child, and her husband - no."

The third - not a superfluous?

A lot of men who do not have children, in panic, to tremble at the knees, afraid one of his idea that the duo relationship with the woman may intervene somebody else, even if that someone is their crumbs. Numerous well-wishers - friends and relatives - will not miss the opportunity to tell the young man all the "charm" of a possible paternity:

  • The loss of a woman of beauty and attractiveness. This argument is the eerie "horror stories" to all men. They fear that their slim, attractive spouse because of pregnancy grow fat, lose its beauty and become broody at home with unkempt head.
  • Lack of interest in sex from his wife. The fact that the woman has become a mother to lose all interest in sexual relations, and the fear of almost all men who have become fathers for the first time in my life. And, of course, no one likes such a prospect, so young husbands solve the problem on its own (the rejection of the child's birth).
  • Wife cease to pay attention to her husband. Another fact, which explains why her husband did not want children. The man is afraid that a woman will stop paying attention to it. Agree, no one likes to feel kind of useless appendix to the tandem happy "mother and child".
  • Complicating the financial situation. Having a baby can not affect the material welfare of the family. After all, until the crumbs and working man and woman, and was spending much less. With the advent of the baby all responsibility for the material well-being rests on the shoulders of men, and the costs are increasing many times (child support in our time is very expensive). And men often wonder: why always crying child who "is" one diaper money is spent more than two adults ?!

In fairness it should be noted that these fears are often justified. Few women perfectly capable of doing several things at once: wash, clean, cook, take care of their appearance, to pay attention to the baby, and even if it does not forget about her husband and marital duties. As a rule, any young mother in eternal troubles really did not have time to sleep, and as soon as her head touched the pillow (can only wake her child crying, but not the affection of her husband).

Why is my husband does not want a second child

Men often strongly oppose the birth of the second child in the family, because the soul is still fresh memories of the first pregnancy of his wife and her behavior after the birth. And it is not about the sleepless nights or washing diapers, and the relation of the wife to her husband. The fact is that during pregnancy a woman's body takes the radical hormonal changes. This factor often leads to the fact that the pregnant woman, both physically and psychologically completely removed from her husband. It can be disgusted with her husband, she was uncomfortable at his touch, the woman does not want to once again talk to him. After a while hormones stabilizes, and the family once again reigns the world. But this does not mean that the man forgot their grievances.

And even if the husband was wise enough to understand what is happening to you and support you in the future, he is unlikely to want a repetition of this quiet family nightmare. Therefore, you may well face the fact that man will continue to be categorically opposed to the birth of another crumbs.

 If a man does not want a child

If you are planning a second child

So, if a woman plans to continue to have a second child, and her husband strongly opposed, it must be as wise to the secret wish has come true, and in the house sounded another ringing child's voice. Below are some tips following which you will be able to persuade his partner to another (or maybe more than one) her pregnancy.

Co-sleeping with your baby

Of course, any mother tends to spend with your baby as much as possible. Some women choose co-sleeping, in order not to be separated from the child and night. In addition, adds fuel to the fire is widely promoted by the information that if the baby sleeps with his mother, it is very beneficial for the crumbs. Maybe on the baby sleeping in the parental bed, and good effect, but in the conjugal relationship - exactly the opposite. The man used to being with the woman he sleeps and he alone. And when a kid who falls between the parents, the husband begins to feel a strong psychological discomfort.

You can consider this zeal can be a sense of possessiveness. Call it what you want. Only when the baby is in bed, sex life partners fiasco. And after her life and family. I would like to remind you that such a reaction (resentment at the baby) occurs completely unconsciously, and a man who is aware of the mind, it would be better for the child, not his wife makes special claims. However, still somewhere in the subconscious husband I will feel some resentment, which in future may cause the categorical unwillingness birth of her second child.

Consolidating all calls to a single subject - child

Of course, for a woman who is engaged in the education of the child, the whole world around us consists precisely in it. And the desire to share all the news regarding the crumbs with a beloved man is quite understandable and natural. However, try to put yourself in the place of your husband. He comes home from work tired, he wants to talk with you, to share any news or concerns. But at the slightest attempt to open his mouth, he hears about how funny crumb tried to feed the cat porridge or daddy's shoes to wear. So over and over again, day after day. How would you feel in this situation? Most likely, you will very quickly be felt lonely.

The joint release of the

Often a young mother fully focus on their child, pulling away from the outside world. Sometimes, even if a woman assistant there - my mother, sister or a nanny - she refuses to leave the house without a child. And the man is forced to spend all the time or at home, next to the family or to go somewhere alone. Agree, such an atmosphere is a strong prerequisite for quarrels and conflicts.

Arguments for Dad

So, back to our tactics. How to persuade her husband to the child? Note that we have not begun to talk about how to get pregnant by fraud, because no good it will not. The child should be wanted. And the point. So let's think about how to persuade stubborn egoist to replenish the family.

For a man to overcome his fears, a woman should just talk to him. In no case do not resort to lies. To nothing to assure her husband is that you will easily cope with pregnancy, hormonal failure and lots of dirty diapers. Do not tell lies that, in spite of its "interesting situation", stay slim and desirable, as it was before pregnancy. Believe me, this is not the best tactic behavior. And if you and be able to convince the man - which, incidentally, is very unlikely - it disappointing picture "after" can be a cause for very serious conflicts.

The lie to her husband (and herself), better tell your man how much you love him and will never allow him to go into the shadows of your relationship. Explain what is important to you the birth of a baby from him, not abstract baby in principle (which is further evidence of your love for him).

 I want the child and the husband does not want to

Prohibited and permitted techniques

In women, there are three favorite argument they like lead, putting psychological pressure on a man who does not want the baby is born:

  • "You finished egoist"
  • "You did not love me"
  • "Have you thought about who our old age will help? "

According to family psychology, such arguments do not bring absolutely no benefit, but only anger the man. To achieve its goal, it is better to pay attention to your man on the physiological side of the question. As is known, not every menstrual cycle in women full, there are so-called anovulatory cycles in which there is no oocyte maturation and thus pregnancy impossible in principle.

Until about 30 years, these "empty" cycle is not more than one - two per year. After thirty years, the number of these cycles starts to grow rapidly, and by the age of 35 up to five - six cases per year. As you know, in this case the chances of pregnancy in women are falling rapidly. In addition, late pregnancy is often accompanied by various pathologies that threaten not only the health of the mother, but also the well-being of the baby. Yes, and the generic process the heavier, older women, especially when it comes to cases of first birth.

If you talk about the cycles have not worked, start talking to the man about the most favorite - about himself. After his age, too, have something to fear. Approximately after reaching the age of forty a man the quality of his sperm starts to deteriorate significantly. It is less and less active, viable sperm that can fertilize the egg. Such information is required to make your man think, especially if your words are backed up by the special literature.

Financial problems

In the event that your child's reluctance to have a man argues that in your family are not enough safe financial situation, you must carefully analyze the situation around you. Drop all your emotions, ambitions and desires. And think - maybe your spouse is right, and you can not afford right now the birth of a baby? In order to understand this situation dispassionately as possible, please answer the following questions ("yes" or "no"):

  • Does your family have a tangible savings?
  • Someone you could have a material support?
  • Do you have solved the housing problem?
  • You are working?
  • Do you have your family's major financial problem?

After analyzing the answers, you will see whether or not your family touched the world crisis, or is it just fear her husband takes over. If there is no threat of bankruptcy, but the man continued to harp on the fact that the child does not want to try to find out the true causes significantly his reluctance.

Does not appeal to the emotions of a spouse, to use the phrase "I want a baby, oh please. Well, just imagine how it would be wonderful. " It is much more reasonable to ask some specific questions that help the man to sort out their feelings and emotions. For example, ask him a direct question: "You do not want to have children now, or never at all? ".

If a man will tell you that having children is not part of his plans in life, ask him whether he is aware that its decision that deprives you the opportunity to become a mother?