You had everything: a walk in the moonlight, candlelight dinners, passionate sex - in a word, romance! And in an instant all that is gone. "I'm leaving you" - these sad words fall from your favorite lip, and the whole world around you crumbles. How to recover from this? How to forget the man she loved? The most effective and works the way - just for you!
First, let's realize that quickly forget her lover will not succeed. Still, he held an important place in your life, you spend much time with him, and so it just does not pass. Now you are experiencing the loss of a significant person, accordingly, any negative feelings are and try to forget them or push - pointless and perhaps even harmful.
Awareness of reality
Very often, a woman can not forget the once-beloved because of their own unwillingness to move on. Of course, because it means going through unpleasant experiences - how much easier to stay there in the beautiful illusion of a happy past. You may also occur unwillingness to accept what is happening - this is a reaction of shock and denial. It can last up to two weeks, but that is delayed further, already destructive to you.
Why we do not want to realize the separation? Because with it comes a sense of inevitability of loss. You understand that nothing can be changed, and the love is gone. Of course, such an idea is given very, very difficult! But only through this way, you can forget the man she loved, and start life anew.
What will help speed up the process? Talk to others about their parting. Now is not the time to think about what you complain or annoy her friends - their pronunciation of loss helps to make it conscious. Tell them how you feel bad, and what is missing after the break. And when the primary stage of shock and denial is over, dispose of his life everything that reminds of the "former" and prevents him to forget: shirts, souvenirs, CDs, books, perhaps even presents. The latter, incidentally, is not necessary - only if he hurt you badly. A reasonable compromise would be to hide them is out of sight, and when the process will go, you can get it - in the end, once you love one another, and these things are a memory of the light period.
In the age of information technology can not be ignored once the number of links to your loved one that interfere forget about it. If earlier it was the things he left the apartment in a hurry, and phone number in a notebook, but now these threads of information is much more: a page on the social networks, contacts in Skype and ICQ, and other text messages. From all of this we will need to get rid of, otherwise you have a desire to write something to it, or demonstrate their depression to cause a fault. All this helps to ensure that there is no time to forget a loved one.
Output for the senses
After realizing separation logically should come second stage - the splashing of emotions. After all, we both brought up? Man - a being proud, and no one should see him suffering, and they are not interested in anyone. But this is nonsense! True friends will always sympathize and empathize with a friend, who got into a difficult situation. Forget about it is simply impossible! So do not hesitate to grieve with them. But do not go too far and run by grieving friends in the early stages - all the same it will overtake you in one form or another.
In addition to the sadness, you are likely to show aggression, because you are so much loved that bastard, and he repaid you so! The feelings are legitimate and understandable. They also do not contain the costs, although primary impulse arises - of course, because people angry is not good, and you kind of do something to blame. But you are entitled to aggression! You can poorat on an empty chair, to write "former" angry letter and burn, destroy any of his thing, the rest of you. You can even call him and saying nasty things - only sober, otherwise it will not be the expression of emotions and delusions drunken woman.
In general, it is not necessary to delay their emotions in a tight corset, because somehow they would break out - perhaps in the form of neurotic symptoms, psychosomatic disorders, and problems in communicating with men. There is a good mental exercise, which is intended to accommodation of their feelings and merging with them. Admit your emotions inside, be aware of them and bring themselves up to white heat. Then ask yourself, "What do you want today? ". It is possible that you have a desire to break something or destroy - do not hold it. Baste pillow, tear the paper or cloth, beat the dishes, shout obscenities good - just hide valuables in advance.
Gradually spiritual intensity will go down. The outcome of the exercise in a "body-mind-emotions" should be apathy and reluctance to move, "cotton" muscle, the devastation within the soul and mind. You should not want neither walk nor talk - as if all inside a vacuum cleaner sucked. However, it may be different: in a head climb all sorts of thoughts, and the body will remain tight. It is not necessary to be afraid, just an exercise, there is not obtained the first time. Repeat it after a while - and you reach your goal.
Back to life
Time passes, and your life comes the third stage of separation - "healing the wounds of the soul" and a return to life. By the way, just forget about the experience will not work, but gradually they will cease to have power over you, and will be shown only occasionally. This initially helps avoiding all kinds of "memorable" points: the place of the first kiss, the first anniversary, a favorite cafe, etc. ... First, it is likely to meet there his "former" and, secondly, after the main residence of grief once again there is no need to make yourself sick. For this reason, it is not necessary to inquire who you how he's doing - you is really not that interesting?
You should not lie around in bed in the morning, especially if you disturb any bad ideas. Activates at work or in school - the more likely you podzabrosili these areas, and it's time to catch up. Call your friends and girlfriends - but this time not with a view to complain, but to somehow otvyaznyh spend time together. Go to a bar or club, dance all night, and return home in the morning.
Read more and watch movies - but not snotty melodrama, and something bright, interesting and important. Proshvyrnites shopping with her best friend and buy a couple of mind-blowing outfits. Record for courses drawing and dancing - in short, go with what had long wanted, but did not have enough time. Ah yes, another great tip - instead of sad, "former" and try to forget it, download the press. Tosca will be held in due course, but a flat stomach is a huge bonus for a new life. In addition, exercise helps produce hormones of joy, and in general good time structures.
The final stage of any process of crisis - is to assimilate or, in scientific language, assimilation. In your relationship was something good, whatever they needed. Consider these aspects, remember the positive aspects of your relationship - but not to vzgrustnut also set his face to go back to the "former", and in order to extract some useful lessons.
For example, it was a rare pig constantly lied to you, screaming and borrowed money. It seems to be a valuable lesson you can learn from this? And the fact that you now know exactly with what men do not need to get involved. And immediately follows the bud strangle the hope that he will change. That will not happen, so because of problems in the now former relationship, you know exactly what you want from the future.
In addition, the important fact of separation. Remember the famous quote by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"? He was damn right! Psychologists add that such deep and strong emotions help you to feel full of life and promote personal growth. Neither life crisis and self-awareness is not without something like that. The main thing - not to delay it and not get stuck in grief.
The final stage, helping to bring to forget her lover. If all the rest are mandatory and unavoidable, this voluntary. But it should be used if you want to change your life for the better and be happy after breaking up with the "former". Severe stress, as we have already mentioned above, release huge domestic reserves of energy that it would be good to put on something useful and important.
Creativity can be expressed in anything. The above-quoted example of training and building up of the figure - it's a great option for those who want to put the energy into its peaceful course. In general, the creation of their own appearance - the number one in the list of important tasks for the near future. Either way, parting with the "former", most likely, your self-esteem was shattered, and there is no better way to pick it up than to turn into a stunning beauty. Update your wardrobe, take a new haircut, buy a new cool nail polish - all these things will transform you and maybe make him bite your elbows.
But it is not necessary to kill in the gym five times a week. If the sport - it's not yours, you can enjoy decorating the apartment. You agree that every girl dreams of a luxurious interior. Why not make a gift? Read related article, buy the materials, call your girlfriends to visit - and start to decorate your life!
You can also make your pet (of course, if you do not already have it). The cat will purr excellent heater cool spring evenings, and the dog will be a true friend requires a lot of care and concern. Boredom is simply no time! Thus, the most important thing at this stage - to feel the authorship of their own lives and learn to do it. No matter which method you choose - the study of foreign languages or windsurfing - in any case, it should bring you pleasure and joy.
Possible problems and their solutions
Ah, if only to forget her lover was so easy! "Of course! - You think. - The authors of the article easy to talk on this topic. But really it is much harder to do than to list a few tips. After all, in this way there are so many traps! ". About them we want to talk.
There is a class of people who do not feed bread - Give plenty suffer
The role of the victim has a number of non-obvious at first glance bonuses. First of all, parting with the "former" becomes an occasion to get a lot of attention and care from others. Especially gently begin to behave woman - still, because each of them experienced unrequited love! In addition, attempts to forget her lover great to be optional and forget about responsibility. A friend asks for help? Nothing, you broke up with your loved ones! Colleague waiting for a report? Here is - absolutely nothing you can do. The saddest thing is that the victim is strongly addictive and devastates you, making it impossible to go on.
It is not easy to woman when it recently loved one suddenly, for no reason at all to leave her
And even worse, if after some time he changed his mind about your break and decided to bring you back. Of course, you may disagree, but then there is a possibility of repetition of such stories. If you are determined to stand his ground and did not communicate more with this changeable nature, in the most difficult moment of parting experiences write yourself a letter. It details tell yourself - one of the future - how unpleasant was the type of your "former" how nasty he done to you and how did you ugly, parting. Subsequently, when the desire to roll to restore relations, re-read the letter, using it as an inoculation against credulity.
Intrigues by "ex"
Reverse option - if he decided to part with you, and even ruin your life. It is not clear for you such a punishment, but to live with it as a need. At the maximum, try to fence themselves from the possibility of being hurt them. Nowhere do not intersect with the "former", that it can not spoil your mood: change the favorite cafes, bars, clubs and gym. His minor mischief reacts with a smile, as if mischievous boy bully trying to annoy you (it's the way it is). But if it will be about more serious things, think of leverage on "the former." Still, it is necessary to protect yourself, so do not hesitate to involve appropriate authorities of the situation and to use their knowledge against him - but only within the limits of self-defense is morally permissible.
Universal bouts of sadness are inevitable in an attempt to forget the once-beloved
This sorrow has some benefits - you get stronger. However, morally you that does not help! How can you afford to keep the permissible level of sadness does not slide into a black depression? Use the medicine for sadness - little notes with a portion of happiness for every day. Take a hundred small pieces of colored paper and write them something nice for yourself: Gift, a description of something good and beautiful, life-affirming setting. We guarantee that this miraculous brighten period of frustration and anguish in life is inevitable following the parting.
Daily meetings with the "former"
Usually this happens when you work together. This is a difficult test for those who just experienced disappointment in love, but not in a hurry to run to the boss and write a letter of resignation. You can propose a candidate for promotion or transfer to a different department. Who knows - maybe it will be a momentous parting in your career? And do not forget to relax after those moments when he still catches you eye.
"Fight fire with fire…"
When you ask for advice from friends about how to forget her lover, they often recommend you to immerse oneself in a stunning new novel. Option seems interesting, but only from a distance. Yes, it really can dislodge from your head all-all-all the possible thoughts of "former". But think! First, it is unfair to another man - he is not to blame for the fact that you use it to try to forget the old love. Secondly, even if you do not dream of human use, the baggage of the past simply prevent build normal relations. Third, if something goes wrong (and the risk of this is very large), you risk to be even more depressed. It is necessary to you?
Remember that you are not required to be insensitive Iron Lady. Any woman will tell you that parting with a beloved man and the need to forget it - it is one of the most difficult experiences in life. But you certainly can handle this. After all, millions of women before you did it, and millions after it is yet to be!
We recommend to check out: How quickly forgotten man