- Types of compliments
- Erroneous reaction
- The reasons for incorrect responses to compliments
- Action plan
What a pleasure when someone tells you the kind words, but still emphasizing those aspects that are important to you! Surely every woman at least once in his life heard the compliments in his address. But not everyone can adequately respond to them. How to respond to a compliment, so that was good, and the speaker, and you enjoy? Good question, and we will try to find the answer.
Types of compliments
There are a lot of compliments, and the reaction to them can vary greatly depending on the type. Firstly, they may be sincere and not very much. As a rule, in the latter case, you still have some bad feeling, after you heard the praise. At home we call it flattery. Usually, it stands for any ulterior purpose, which is almost always felt in communion.
Pleasant words are spoken from different positions: on equal terms, the top and bottom. A man makes a woman a compliment in the latest version, nothing shines. We are not interested in those who feel a notch below. Praise from the top looks like a sop from the powers that be, and usually only causes irritation and aggression. And only a compliment, made equal, deserves a positive and sincere reaction.
Sometimes a guy can be difficult to make a direct compliment you, so he goes byways. For example, instead of "you look great," he says, "turns you on every passer-by! ". You can hear the anger, and it is logical, since he is going through because of their own insecurity.
There are a subspecies as hidden compliments. It is not always appropriate to talk directly to the person pleasant things - in this case the atmosphere of intimacy and trust is created by indirect methods: stakeholder issues sincere comments and reactions to the natural conversation. Very often we are faced with at the beginning of this relationship, when boys and girls a bit awkward and, at the same time, it is nice to lead such a fine game.
Before we talk about how to properly respond to praise, it is necessary to deal with the peculiarities of our negative reactions. Some girls throws paint with embarrassment, others are trying to turn into invisibility. Either way, you can react differently to the compliments, but I want to save you from the most common mistakes:
Too many women, hearing the praise in his address, immediately begin to argue with her: "There is nothing special about it! "Or" It happened by itself! ". Behind this is the desire to belittle themselves and their dignity, that at least looks strange and causes awkwardness of one who says a compliment.
The girl immediately there is a desire to justify himself for something good. Often it starts talking useless details about why some of its admirable trait. For example: "Oh, this dress I bought in second-hand for mere pennies."
Some women generally prefer not to answer a man to compliment, pretending nothing had happened. But in fact, it makes sense to do only when a person you deeply unpleasant, and you do not want to talk to him. Otherwise, no reaction wound stronger than its presence in any form.
Agree, it is very frustrating when you praise a man, and he makes the face bricks and his whole appearance is indifferent. There is a feeling as if you have something given, and no one needs, and frustration with resentment are a natural result.
- Excessive enthusiasm
This is another extreme, which should be avoided. There is a category of girls who heard a few flattering words in his address, willing to do anything for the sake of the person speaking. But it's not right! Normally, if someone does you a compliment, he just wants to give you joy, and he does not need anything else from you. And if you lose your head and begin to "float", it becomes very vulnerable and accessible for manipulation.
The reasons for incorrect responses to compliments
Virtually nothing in the world happens by chance. At the heart of all of these reactions are any reasons which tend to be associated with personal problems. Perhaps that is not the case and you - to prevent it, think over what caused the compliments you desire to send them away out of the speaker. If this list will include only a few people with their words, it is necessary to think about dealing with them. Well, in that case, when you can not take all the praise in his address, should look for the cause in itself.
Most often it is low self-esteem. Do you have a persistent belief that you can not be admired. Accordingly, any praise is perceived as a mockery and causes wrong reaction. Typically, the roots of this problem is found in the child, the parents and other significant adults praise the little child who is still small, and all of his self-image depends on the ratings of others. Therefore, as an adult, you accept any compliments with a grain of salt, and you think that you are deceiving. The only way - to love yourself. Incidentally, this is a positive impact on all areas of your life.
Because of low self-esteem quite logically it follows embarrassment felt by the people who heard myself if undeserved praise. Sometimes, in very advanced cases it has even transformed into a sense of guilt, because you think you are cheating others, and they have the illusion to your account.
Another category of people on the contrary has a high self-esteem. They think that achievement, which draws the attention of people - a mere trifle, and they are capable of more. Some even manage to resent the praise, saying something like: "Do you think that this is the maximum that I can do ?! ". If you have any compliments cause these or similar feelings, then obviously it's time to think about self-correction.
It also happens that we feel as if we compliments to something binding. If you are praised, the person must give something in exchange: a reciprocal praise, its warm attitude or any service. Usually, all the fault of the installation, from childhood or adolescence entrenched in the subconscious - "in life you have to pay for everything" or "free cheese is only in a mousetrap." You can, of course, trite answer to compliment the compliment, but it is likely that it will not look nice and natural. It is much better if you've worked with these settings, such as making a list of good "free" things and convince yourself of irrationality penetration of commodity-money relations in all spheres of life.
Finally, the last reason that we do not know how to respond to a compliment right is suspicious. You decide that a person is trying to manipulate you using praise. Simply put, it flatters you exaggerating or even inventing non-existent merits and achievements. Unfortunately, in some cases this may be true, then your intuition to be a monument. However, if you aspire to praise each uglyadet similar trick, it is worth pondering. Most likely, all business units in the negative with respect to people or the whole world, for example, "the man from the woman may need only one" or "the world is full of evil." Naturally, these ideas just will not let you be happy, and you need to get rid of them - sometimes with the help of a psychologist.
So, someone made you a compliment. Perhaps this is a man who has long been sympathetic to you or is it the boss, pleasantly delighted annual report - is not important. You should throw all the above obstacles and irrational settings to properly respond to praise. And we'll tell you how to do it.
- Internally believe in Gift
Did you know that people usually say nice things to each other only in order to please each other? So, take this fact! Hearing about his person a compliment, sincerely rejoice inwardly. Perhaps the words of a man sound false and unnatural, but try to believe otherwise.
Can you reassure yourself that even if it seems as if your virtues were exaggerated, this is a personal point of view your friend. And he has the right to think so, especially since we often see ourselves through the prism of personal protection and settings, and an outsider may be seen. In addition, you lose nothing by believing in a compliment, but, disillusioned, get spoiled mood for half a day.
- Sincere joy
Once you accept a compliment to the second stage of the reaction will come by itself. You look into the eyes of a man, voiced praise, squared his shoulders, straighten your back and beautiful smile. It will be a pleasure to see that you are excited him. Let me tell you a short story, was sent to one of the readers. At the bus stop is sad woman - looked like she really tired at work. And then a passing man complimented her figure. As she blossomed instantly! From the fatigue was gone, and she was a couple of seconds turned into a real beauty. That's what power have compliments.
The most simple and easy that you can do - is to say "Thank you! ". That is absolutely and totally sufficient for an adequate response to a compliment. No longer need! Although, if you praise a person really had a magical influence on you, you can say something like: "Your words - a real balm for my soul! "Or" Thank you, I am very glad that you like it. " In some cases, appropriate joke: "I'm learning from you! "Or" I'll take with you an example. " If there is a slight embarrassment, it is not necessary to hide, "I'm confused, but I am very pleased to hear it." You can dilute the word neverbalika and take the person's hand or hug. The most important thing - to be natural and positive.
In order to properly respond to any compliments you just realize one simple thing: you have every right to take them away from the people around them. Speaking of them, they do it sincerely and from the heart, wanting to give you pleasure or to improve your mood.
You have the right to rejoice that you or your actions like other people. Well, to hear nice words in his address frequently, you only need to say more of the compliments, and they will come back to you a hundredfold pleasant.