Do not you think that we often listen to the opinions of others? And not just listen, but also fulfills all the requirements that we dictate a stranger. And like adults, educated people, and receptive to criticism and condemnation. Why is that? How to cease to depend on other people's opinions? How to learn to manage your life the most? Let's first define when it is useful to listen to the words of strangers.
The first thing to take note of the opinion of the man who for you is the undisputed authority, such as teachers. You will not dispute the fact that the students know far less of the teacher? And it's not scary. After all, they are in order and came to this school to learn certain obligatory courses, learn something new, get a proper education. And who is not a teacher, is the best guide to these goals?
Dependence on other people's opinions are often useful in the case when any question you have, because of the lack of knowledge and experience, there can be their own ideas about the way to resolve it. For example, you decide to buy an apartment on credit. But it did not know which bank to apply and what credit terms to choose from. Ask around friends. This is just one option when comparing several others' opinions can render good service. Better yet - go to the bank. Skilled workers will be able to provide much greater support than the so-called "word of mouth".
Moreover, we advise you to walk through different banks and compare the information. Where you were offered better terms? So go to it in the financial institution. But preferably a lawyer, as important documents better not to sign their own. Here is one more example where the dependence on other people's opinions, rather, the ability to listen to good advice, it can be very handy.
Relying on others, considering and taking their point of view, it is necessary and if you are sick and call a doctor. After the diagnosis of medical specialist - this is also the view. Therefore, it relies on it is simply necessary for the speedy recovery. But, of course, in cases of dispute the findings of the doctor of the patient's health status is sometimes not enough. In such cases it is necessary to consult with other doctors. But in any case it will be the decisive opinion of the expert, not the patient.
Therefore, the dependence on other people's opinions is sometimes very useful. However, there are people who are going through so much of what they thought the act or decision will cause others that step and fear to tread, relying on its own discretion. This behavior is very prevents to live. It seems that behind your back got invisible and directs your thoughts and actions, not allowing yourself to make choices.
Now let's imagine that you set a goal. And the way to achieve it is not just your doubt (and whether I agreed to?), But also a notorious public opinion. By the way, if others do not accept your point of view, it does not mean that your belief is wrong. Just it more. Do not be afraid to be different from the rest, to think differently, to say things that no one ever heard. But be prepared at the same time to resist. Nature does not like dissent. Even white crow peck to death in the nest of her brothers and sisters, because of its feathers look different. Let's find on simple and useful examples on how to become independent of other people's opinions.
On the way to the goal: work on a
In order to looking back at the other did not prevent you to achieve the desired goals and outcomes should be carefully work on your inner attitude. This is similar to an audit in the wardrobe when you have to sort things behind it. Setting aside those who have long been out of fashion, worn out or have become hopelessly small (large), you suddenly discover that released a lot of space, get rid of unnecessary clothes and Decide what should be the new thing.
So the search for independence in itself. You'll have to find hidden internal reserves of courage and determination, to overestimate the past mistakes and draw appropriate conclusions. Of course, the work to be quite difficult and laborious, but it is worth the effort if your decision to learn how to cease to depend on other people's opinions and overcome their own lack of confidence, is a conscious and clear. Otherwise, you certainly will fail, and with it the decline of self-esteem. Are you ready? Then here's a little guide to facilitate the task.
We accept your purpose
To do this, you must get rid of the doubt that it is natural, but sometimes quite devastating and destroying even the right idea. Who do you want to be? Those who you are now? Or are currently looking for a way to become much more successful and wealthy? Of course, you chose the second option. But change for the better does not happen without changes themselves. Be ready for them. And it is not only morally. For any victory in life has a price. Irregular working hours, chronic sleep deprivation and the need every day to learn something new. If you take all these changes, life obediently turn in the right direction. No? You stay there, where they were.
Learn to accept criticism
You must understand that the more complex the goal is in front of you, the more criticism you hear. This person can speak in all sincerity. However, it will set you on the bar itself, and therefore expressed opinion is purely subjective. So should it affect you negatively and cause to abandon the objective? For example, you want to open a business, and your next of kin in terror rolls his eyes, predicting failure. Do not listen to him. Perhaps this man would not have to start a business, and you - can. You have more perseverance, best expressed in the quality of business. Therefore, filter out negative comments. However, if you indicate a professional error, is to listen to it. Maybe people want to keep you from missteps that once he made.
No offense to the interlocutor
Even if someone from the family decided to instruct you on the right path, do not take his words with hostility. Do not forget - how many people, so many opinions. And a man may sincerely wish you well. Let's look at the situation in the previous example. You have decided to open their own business, and your parents are strongly opposed, and expressed his disagreement in a fairly rigid form.
The easiest way would be to quarrel with them and leave offended. But put yourself in the place of his father and mother. Maybe they're just worried about you? They worry that you will not be time to give credit? Or that the companion you cheat? The more that a lot of programs on television enthusiastically talks about the negative experience of the latter-day business.
Therefore it will be better if you will calm the parents share with them the details of his plan, show what measures are ready to take personal insurance. For example, you will not take a bank loan, and sell the second car. In this case, you risk only to her, and collectors will not be guaranteed to twist your arm. Wise approach to the situation will not only get rid of the criticism from the outside, but also to find allies among relatives and friends.
We depart from the negative
Very often we are faced with someone else's opinion, which is not dictated by the well-intentioned criticism, but his desire to assert itself. That is, people expressed their disagreement only to rise in his own eyes. And if he will ruin someone's purpose, so it can even give him satisfaction: "Here I am a (what)! My tips are important and weight! ".
In the heart spokesman firmly convinced that he was right, and if he says, "you can not" do not prevaricate. And it is not that people have misjudged or considers unworthy of success. He simply measures the per se, and since he is not able to achieve anything, it considers that the other can not do the trick. Do not listen to these people. If possible, move away from communicating with them or throw a word of criticism of the head.
How to distinguish a negative constructive criticism from the board? Very simple. A man who gives his opinion only to a painful sting, does not appeal any facts. All of his speech focused on the phrase "you do not get." But if you really want to point out any error, it will make it more specific, clearly indicating that in your plans do not and how to fix it. Here's to such criticism you should listen.
Unfortunately, man is so constituted that any negative remark begins to erode even the most unshakeable faith in success. You start to question: "Am I right? Not much you take on? ". And then he begins to make mistakes, admit mistakes, and very stupid and caused nervousness. It all started with an innocent criticism insecure person. That is why it is so important just to get rid of unpleasant residue after hearsay.
Learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff
It happens that people are so steadfast in their own right, which starts retreating from any criticism. But in fact his actions require significant adjustments. Surrounding just shout him that he makes a mistake. A target shrugs, reproaching people envy.
For example, a young family with average income is taking a loan. The couple seems to be that they are easy to cover bank charges. They do not listen to no warning parents or criticisms friends. Family seems that others simply think narrowly and that they are not capable of large-scale actions. As a result, the first months of the loan is covered somehow, and then begin contingencies. Do you think where to go after that young? That's right, all to the same parents and friends. Only now they have to listen to many comments from the series "but we're talking." Therefore, self-confidence - that's fine, but sensibly evaluate their own strength and time to get rid of the "crown on his head," is always helpful.
Believe in your goal
Of course, a word about it after the above details the various warnings from unwanted behavior seems weird. But it is so. It is to believe in your goal and go for it, despite all the difficulties. You know how they say the sages? If your path was to arise so many obstacles - it means you are going in the right direction. So be persistent. New business does not bring income? Do not rush to close the company. You may need to consider a change in strategy or attracting new partners?
Recognize yourself as an independent person
Remember the wonderful melodrama titled "Runaway Bride"? This is very instructive story about how cute young woman several times ready to get married, but never found the courage to stand before the altar. It turns out that her life is governed by a painful dependence on other people's opinions. This completely leveled own views and desires. Ironically, the heroine does not even be aware that, with each new meeting potential suitors, she became a reflection of his interests, hobbies and tastes. But is it possible for many years to live only another's mind?
That inner sense of self-preservation, and worked at the worst possible time for this - on the threshold of the church. Before the girl arose like an invisible wall, forcing back away and run away without looking back from such a phantom family happiness. Do you remember how the heroine cope with this problem? She walked out to meet itself with tiny steps, surprised comprehending their own desires, taste preferences and dreams.
And begins with a young woman that was trying to figure out what kind it is ... like an egg. It turned out that this product does not like it. In the end, the heroine was married, but only after it became aware of the importance of this step and how he needs it. And so those of us who have always doubted himself, preferring to be guided by other people's opinions, you need to start small. Try at first regularly perform five simple exercises. This will be the first step towards the attainment of inner freedom.
The first exercise is to learn how to make your own opinion about anything. For example, take a look now popular movie or read a sensational bestseller. Now analyze your experience, try to identify the points that you raised, and those that leave you indifferent. This will be your personal opinion. Share it with your friends and listen to their point of view. If it does not coincide with your own, then try to defend their impressions. Some time later, repeat the exercise, by a new book, or a movie.
As a second exercise you should remember the events that took place during the last two weeks. Think about how many times have you disagree with someone else's opinion, ignoring your own? And what were the consequences? And now try to determine what you want to achieve in life. Analyze how his plan is the fruit of it is your desires and aspirations. Perhaps you simply displays the thoughts of parents or other people, so it is easy to trust their opinion. If a person does not have their own goals, he can not figure out where to move. In this case, much easier to go through someone else. And blame yourself for the mistakes do not have to, and responsibility for the failure will not put pressure on his shoulders.
The third exercise is that to learn how to determine their own life goals and mentally to get rid of extraneous influence on them. Record your personal desires and ways of their implementation. Start with a plan for the next week, then determine what needs to be done within a month. A gradual transition to the year and so on. At first, the task will seem complicated, especially if before all of you fulfill parents, husband, boss.
The meaning of the fourth exercise is to learn to say "no." Do not mumble something unintelligible in reply, if you have something does not suit, and clearly express disagreement. The first step in the difficult task can become even an ordinary meeting with a friend. For example, it will ask you to go to the cinema at six o'clock in the evening. Say something like, "No, I'm uncomfortable. Come on in seven or eight! ". Start with the trivial failures in the future it will become easier to express disagreement in a more serious matters.
The fifth exercise is aimed at, if not breaking anything. It happens that in a given situation, a person can navigate quickly and find the right way out. In order not to do anything stupid, it is better to take a break in a more relaxed environment to reflect on the problem or someone else's suggestion. Just say, "I need to think." This allows you to determine the answer without anyone else pressure.
In fact, not so important to deal with the problem of how not to depend on other people's opinions. The question must be put differently: why we are insecure and how to learn to overcome this feeling? Maybe blame low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem and self-love? Maybe back in my childhood parents treat you too critical, endlessly berating and rarely deigning to praise? Surely you manifest the initiative is not in their support, and you were punished because their actions and deeds you did not agree with the senior.
"And what will papa? And how my mother would react? What the neighbors think? "- If such issues often force you to abandon your own intentions, it is time to get rid of such a moral dependence once and for all. How to do it? Just analyze your life. After all, you probably also had at least once something to decide. What turned it for you? Good luck, little victories, happiness? You see, so why doubt?
Just be bolder - it's time to learn to trust yourself. No, you need to consider the opinions of others. But do not depend on it entirely.