rumors and gossip

Like it or not, but you must admit - we women are very much like gossip .  Moreover, all women, regardless of our age, status and place of residence .  And so - all over the world and at all times .  Opposite Sex clearly remembers that day twenty-four hours, so most of the time spent on productive work .  And we are in conversation and in general can lose track of time .  And why? It is believed that men care about global problems more than women .  They bear the brunt of the alarm for the whole world: Russian men care who will be the next president of the United States, and what fiscal policy will be carried out to them; American men care about how many people died in Iraq; Iraqi men care about how many children were orphaned in Afghanistan ... of course, we women are puzzled over more prosaic things - children's education, health and mood of households, the need to buy a wedding gift girlfriend, create condolences neighbors about the death of the head of the family and other problems of such kind .  Save the world, we do not relocate, so the time for "small talk" can always find .

Gossip - the result of evolution?

Yes, gossip really is an evolutionary model of behavior. Initially, they were necessary in order to keep abreast of everything that happens in a family, and it was really a necessary survival strategy. Exchange news form the basis for coordination and development of collective goals. In fact, no rumors and gossip would not have civilization!

Gossip appeared when people began to create large families .  The more people, the more there is to talk to someone .  Gossip became a kind of filter through which you can learn the most interesting thing about a person or event, lowering the boring details .  It was a very effective method of transmitting information to a large group of people, lets you save time and effort .  And who was more convenient to deal with the transfer of information? Of course, someone who spends less time to stay outside their native caves .  Men have greater physical strength, for it is constantly chasing mammoths, the saber-toothed tigers from running - that is, spent a lot of time hunting .  There can be no talk was .  But the women, caring for children but keep the fire in the hearth, had fun talking about this and so on .  Since then, and has become a tradition - men engaged in serious cases, and women having fun gossip .

 rumors gossip scandals

What gossip today?

Of course, today we do not need to share information in order to survive. So why are so far no woman has passed entertainment "of hearing + + gossip scandals?" Even the most decent, honest and serious girl, no, no, yes and peremoet someone bones. Psychologists (probably male parts) became interested in the reasons why women can not resist the blames, but such a great pleasure. And here's what they found:

  • Gossip give women a sense of unity with others. When you tell someone something in confidence, you thereby show that you trust this man. And that means, gossiping, you establish contacts based on trust.
  • Gossip and rumors are helping friends. It involves the establishment of confidence in a more intimate relationship than mere acquaintance. And for those who have and so friendly, the discussion of gossip helps to maintain a conversation when all the interesting topics of conversation had been exhausted.
  • We gossip, to reduce stress levels. Chatting - and relax. Both men, who love to play video games. And yet, our psyche is so arranged - when we hear bad news about the other, it makes us feel better. We experience the joy of our life turns out to be better than some. No, of course we are not happy that someone, for example, was dismissed. We are happy in the knowledge that our own life is going in the right direction.
  • We get the "forbidden" pleasure rewashing someone bones. Each of us knows that there is nothing good to say about someone bad. However, from time to time we allow ourselves this guilty pleasure. It's like a cake to eat, knowing that you sit on a diet. Gossip makes you feel a little guilty, and it's nice to tickle our nerves.
  • Gossip help "handle" significant events, contributing to the acquisition of our experience. Every woman has a need to share with another person something important for themselves, to analyze and digest what had happened to her.
  • Gossip help women examine their relationships with other people. If the men at the most still, how to treat them around, then fine ladies it is very important. And it gives them the opportunity to gossip to learn more details about the relation of people to each other.
  • Women gossip to vent their feelings. Especially girls are often resorted to gossip when they something very upset, or love, or jealous. In short, when something worked up. All women - being very emotional, and exchange of emotions is a vital element in the psyche of every woman.
  • Gossip allow women to share secrets. Because they love to gossip, they trust each other. Men can deny it all you want, but only women can be friends for real, while having a deep faith in each other. Therefore, the secrets can trust each other the most "terrible". But men are unlikely to trust their friends one hundred percent. And in vain, because they have lost a very good source of information!

 gossip and rumors

Is it always harmless gossip?

Yes, whatever you say, and women love to talk much more than men .  No, man, of course, also like to gossip in their spare time in the company of their own kind .  But they talk fairly innocuous: sports, fishing, sexual advances outstanding ... baby talk compared to the fact that sometimes discuss women! Most ladies love to talk about fashion handbags, shoes, make-up, clothes, boyfriends or husbands; but some of them prefer to talk about the things that go beyond the typical ladies .  Moreover, they are downright looking for a new reason to talk about any tidbit .  And the worst thing about them is that they want to dig in the dirt, the assumption someone small or big stupidity .  Most of the time, if they have no reason to gossip, they sniff and hunt down, digging in someone's dirty laundry to get the light of day, and to the public discussion of some scandalous news .  And we are not talking about journalists who earn their bread, peeping over the private lives of celebrities .  This is an ordinary woman, a neighbor, or our employee, who believe that they have a right to pry into every crevice and discuss any detail of our life .

These women feel unprotected. What can they think of a better, to hide their shortcomings and low self-esteem than to say bad things about other people, thereby diverting attention from their imperfections? Pouring the other dirt, they feel at the same time cleaner than they condemned man. Belittling others, they are trying to elevate themselves. Dealing with such people is not safe, because they are scavengers collect the dirtiest. Only scavengers collect the dirt to clean our streets, and these women are doing the same thing, then to multiply this dirt and pour it all around. With such people it is dangerous to communicate, because they do not spare anyone. Today they tell you a cute smile, and tomorrow will enthusiastically tell you about the stories with an unpleasant smell.

We gossip, gossip, and we will gossip!

Yes, whatever you say, but gossip and rumors are still a favorite pastime for women. Not even worth listing all the psychologists found reasons - women gossiping, because "everyone is doing." It's hard to ignore the gossip and stay away from gossip, because they are spread everywhere - in every school, university, in the office and in every home. Often rumors are even used as a tool to spread positive or negative rumors - to create the "right" mood. And what do we do? If we can not avoid rumors, so we can only join and gossip. The main thing is just to not to plunge into the mud! After all, as Confucius said, who spread rumors, he threw a virtue.

 Why women are so fond of gossip?

 psychological defense


  • Mechanisms of psychological protection
  • Shoal

Man - a being strong, both physically and morally and psychologically. It is resistant to the most severe stress and can survive any tragedy. This provides a degree of stability of the complex psychological defense. It is thanks to her you do not think about unpleasant and difficult things for your soul. Psychological protection is the guardian of your identity and protects it from harmful influences. It's like a kind of filter that repels or recycles negative information. He carries it through the psychological defense mechanisms. The fact that it is and "what they eat," and we will tell you in this article.

Mechanisms of psychological protection

The name of the mechanisms of psychological defense got no chance - they really protect the identity. From what? They protect us from all kinds of negative information, protect from trauma, reduce anxiety and help us to maintain the respect and love of self.

Psychological protection of the individual can not be the only true salvation from all the world's problems. They just give us a brief "respite" for us to gain strength and with these forces into the battle. When negative information is too much psychological defense mechanisms are no longer effective, and a man, having lost his illusions, begins to act and look for a real solution.

Psychologists describe an infinite number of different psychological defenses, but we offer you only the most interesting and common life.

  1. Repression. Very nasty defense, causing damage to your memory. The essence of the displacement is reduced to the fact that when there is something wrong information about this traumatic experience as if you are "expelled" from your consciousness. And you then, as if nothing had happened ask, "What was that? ". The most interesting thing is that you really forget about the unpleasant experiences, and about the situation, he was summoned.
  2. Denial. If repression - is "erased" had received information that at least denial "dusty" work - it simply does not allow such information to consciousness. This psychological defense mechanism appears before all, and it's not surprising, because it protects us from the most threatening psychic information. For example, when someone dies from loved ones in the first few minutes (or even days), your brain does not accept the harsh reality, and your head spins: "It can not be! ". This is a denial.
  3. Rationalization. Agree, it sounds very nice! However, in reality things are not so happy, because it is also misrepresentation of reality. Only in this case, the information is distorted pretty beautiful way - are false, but good reasons to justify something else, whether it's your own wrong actions or, conversely, unpleasant actions of others towards you. A prime example of such rationalization could be a girl coming up to your favorite endless excuses and do not want to accept the bitter truth that he simply does not like it.
  4. The reverse reaction ("reactive formation"). In essence, this behavior is diametrically opposed to your wishes. This is due to a conflict within your heart: on the one hand you want something, and with another - your conscience forbids you want it, and to heap - even think about this desire. And you behave quite the reverse way you wish. Sounds confusing, does not it? However, all will become clear, if you think about how young people express their love and affection. On the one hand, the boy likes a girl, and the other around (and his mind) told him: "Come on, real guys do not fall in love and do not dismiss girlish snot", thereby prohibiting the testing of tenderness. And then he behaves quite unexpectedly - pulls your favorite girl's pigtails. And she, not knowing how things are really offended and perplexed.
  5. Projection. Oh-oh, this sin all very much! The projection is called the attribution to others of their qualities, thoughts, feelings and intentions - in short, everything that happens in your head. It can be both negative and positive. An example of negative thinking is the following: "Well, I would not have missed the car to leave, and I never miss no one," and an example of the positive - this one: "I try not to deceive anyone, and I will not fool anybody." On the one hand, it is certainly beneficial, because without the projection, we would only do that wandered in limbo. And on the other - you, rather than to live in reality, there is something about it and come up missing the real life "here and now".
  6. Regression. Very fun for appearances psychological defense mechanism which is that a person starts to behave like a small child. This can manifest itself in very different situations. For example, you want a pair of one-tenth of new shoes, and my husband suddenly stood in a pose and agrees to buy them for you. Then you first start with him lisp, if you do not help - capricious, and if that does not work, then raise a stink. Familiar? No, of course, is not the only possible reaction, but sometimes it happens. Or, when you're being hurt, you may feel like a little girl who wants to be spared. And sometimes a children's version of behavior can be very effective.
  7. Sublimation. This is the most healthy and productive psychological defense mechanism. This is when you satisfy their wants and needs, but in a positive and creative way. All you have probably heard about the idea of ​​Freud's two basic instincts - thirst for life that manifests itself in sexual desire, and longing for death, which is manifested in the desire to destroy and cause harm. But you can not always have sex and fight! Therefore, living in a society, a man is forced to largely similar aspirations to replace the other - the desire to create, work, learn something, play sports, etc. ... Without such a protective mechanism, we would never have got out of the caves and would build a civilized society.
  8. Care. When a person gets tired of blame him problems, he just walks away from it all - hiding in a dark corner, forgotten in the alcohol or just go to bed. There is closure on itself, while the issue causing anxiety and sadness, can not be solved. Care is useful as a temporary respite, but as a lifestyle it is not just useless, but even harmful, since the problems are piling up and piling up like a snowball that does not contribute to solving them and improving their own lives.
  9. Substitution. Simply put, the search for a "scapegoat." When we feel for someone or something strong negative feelings, but they can not express it, we are looking for an object, which can be broken. For example, a job you swore at the last words, and you answer him directly and can not sit, swallow insult. But when they came home, you splash out their aggression and anger in the first tucked under the arm of households, which is actually nothing to blame. The reaction generally useful: it becomes possible to "blow off steam" and did not explode. However, in this case, as always and everywhere, kinks can be dangerous.
  10. Identification. Actually, thanks to the identification we get older, we adopt a manner of behavior of our parents and other adults are important to us. This is necessary for proper growth and development of the mechanism. But it may not operate at other times. For example, when you talk sentimental story about the girl who threw her husband, you're angry. And you're angry by the fact that identify with the girl and get up in its place, then you have a desire to instantly crack of her husband's head.
  11. Desacralization. A very interesting mechanism that manifests itself in the fact that you're trying not serious about really important things for you. You seem to depreciate them so that if something does not work, you do not comprehend the feeling of disappointment and loss. Sounds a bit convoluted, so try to understand the examples. Perhaps you are familiar, when many modern girls laugh at the desire of others to marry and loudly declare: "Marriage? Wedding? Yes, it's all petty-bourgeois nonsense, invented by evil monsters for the enslavement of women! ". Although, if you look at it, it becomes clear that each of these girls actually really wants to get married, but because no one is calling, they make the topic an object of ridicule, that was not sad and hurt.
  12. The complex ions. This mechanism got its name from the biblical hero Jonah, who for a long time tried to avoid the role of the prophet for fear of its responsibility. Sounds very familiar, does not it? Probably each of us at least once in your life something not done for fear that does not turn out to be too difficult and hard, or that this is not for her. Those who have this protection becomes a lifestyle, not achieve much success in anything at all was quite content with the middle position and standard of living.

 psychological defense mechanisms


And what happens when the psychological defense mechanisms do not work as we would like? Unfortunately, this happens, and quite often. The cause of failure in the smooth operation of psychological protection of the personality is a simple and understandable human craving for calm. After all, none of us wants to make him scared, anxious and bad! Therefore, when the desire to be in a state of psychological comfort overpowers the desire to explore the world and risk-established psychological defense mechanisms do not work as it should, and self-deception begins.

Psychological defense - a security complex consisting of separate mechanisms. At the same time, each of us has his own favorite psychological defense, which he enjoys the most. For example, for any, even the most bizarre human behavior you are trying to find a reasonable cause and explain it with the help of logic. So is the manifestation of your love for rationalization.

But there is a fine line between just the most preferred protection and violation of an equivalent ratio in their work. The trouble begins when you are using a psychological defense did not fit the situation.

For example when the best thing to do to disconnect from harmful information coming from outside, suddenly start cursing all in a row. As a result, it gets everything - you and those around you. What are the options for unfavorable outcome?

For example, a person can very often resort to protect their identity by means of jet formations. If such a person - it is you, the most important thing for you - it's self-control and control their behavior. At the same time you like to enjoy life, but constantly have to suppress their desire to inadequate or incorrect. Constantly doing so, you risk losing contact with your body. You did not listen, and sometimes even abused, and at one point, is not it decides: "What I keep sticking my neck out? My opinion and desire is still not interested in anyone, so I will not be silent! ". And shut up. And it will remind myself only with all sorts of ailments and sores. Therefore, it is important to remember: self-control is very important, because without it you can not be a well-mannered and cultured man, but to go to far with it not worth it. Allow yourself sometimes stay with the girl not right desires.

Another option - a bend in the direction of negation. Well, everything is very simple. When in your life too much denial, you do not live life to the full, but only half of it. And let it be positive or even better half of your life, but it's only half. Which will always be small. Also, do not get negative feedback from life, you can not improve it. You will be hard at work on our mistakes and change their behavior in the right direction, because you simply will not know where and what is not. It's like to live without pain, which signals to us about the problems in the body - you just can not understand what you are cold or you'll reveal the skull, which may even lead to death. It's the same with the soul, which are important anxiety and other unpleasant experiences.

A person who is too often uses replacement is usually a bad reputation. Among his friends and acquaintances, he or she has a reputation for aggressive person. If that's you, then you probably already tired of his own anger. Without replacement, of course, it would be worse, and you would not even get out of serious conflicts, and in particularly severe cases - from places not so remote. However, the replacement to you and your family live a hard time, because they often play the role of "scapegoats". If you began to notice for such a frequent outbreaks of aggression, it is worth considering - where so much anger in you? It may be a cause for serious work on yourself, otherwise you run the risk of growing old alone and with a whole bunch of cardiovascular disease (ie, they mostly suffer scratch-cat).

Excessive regression can talk about what you actually do not want to become an adult and responsible person. This reluctance may be hiding behind a mask of self-confident and ladies, but deep down inside you - a girl who wants to feel safe. You want to make it as a child - can be almost anything, and the maximum that you get for this - a reprimand from parents. You aspire to experience the diversity of the children's emotions and feelings, which in adult life is not enough. In such a situation it is necessary to understand what prevents you to grow and develop from a little girl to an adult woman, and then try to fix it.

Projection generally very important for the normal life of any person .  It helps us to know the world, dispelling the fog of uncertainty .  However, at the moment when it becomes too much, you stop to chat with these people and begin to communicate with you invented images .  What is not good, because you are not a telepath, and are not capable of 100% to guess what others think and feel .  These others might even be offended by what you decide for them .  The key to solving this problem - talk to people .  Ask them: "What do you think? And what do you feel? "And you find out that it is not so, as there is in your head .  For example, when you stumble, many will not laugh at you and feel compassion and desire to help .  Or when you're sitting on a date with a guy, thinking, "He thinks I'm talking nonsense I'm fat plain pathetic" try to take a chance and ask directly what he was thinking, communicating with you .  Surely you'll be surprised at the result .  And after such a practice would be the world better and kinder to you!

Use your mind - a good thing, but when it comes to excessive rationalization positive somehow tarnish .  Here's why .  You spend a lot of time trying to find a reason or excuse for what they do not have .  In fact, it is so beautiful and veiled denial .  It also will not allow you to information about objective reality, but does so through your own mind .  Out here is the same as with any other negation: when you find yourself on the use of such protection for the hundredth time, just say to yourself, "Hey, what are you doing? Stop denying what is going on .  Accept it and lowly! Let it be hard, but it is necessary to survive and forget " .  It can be an occasion to reflect: and whether you have the psychological setup that sounds something like this: "You always have to smile, to be happy, to live on the positive, everything always has to be good" .  If you now know myself, these thoughts should be discarded .  This attitude puts you in a very rigid framework, and prevents experiencing different emotions, and makes feel sadness and anger, when life is not as happy .

Desacralization - is a special variant of rationalization. You have something to lose or give up on something, but do not want to experience sadness. It is generally unwholesome mechanism. After all, without recognizing the importance of what you lose, you can not get it back or find again. It's like talking loudly aloud: "Yes, I do not need your candy! "- Then you do it like no one offer. But to come and say, "You know, I still want candy" can be difficult, but it is the only option to get it in an adult way.

The complex ions are also not good - you're trying to use your mind, that you obsequiously slips reasons for rejection of self-realization, "you can not," "it is difficult", "it is difficult," "you do not need it," etc.

What does it mean?