Surely, we all remember the words of the old song, "People meet, people fall in love, get married." But, unfortunately, many couples living together for a period of time, get divorced. If couples have children, problems tend to arise. But if a family has a child, the situation is much more complicated: the rights of the child when the parents divorce should be considered first.
Many parents mistakenly believe that the important thing is what they have to take care, that legal compliance and property rights. However, this aspect is not the only one that needs to be addressed. Of course, housing, child support - a very important issue, as it affects the material well-being of the child. However, very often the adults are too addicted to address the issue of the substantive rights of the child when the parents divorce, completely forgetting about the moral side.
Sometimes parents during a divorce, so go headlong into their problems and experiences in the showdown with his former half that completely forget about their children. Someone thinks that the child is too small, and yet still does not understand. And someone, in contrast, believes that the child is old enough, understands everything and needs no explanation. However, such a position is fundamentally wrong and can lead to serious consequences and psychological trauma in the child. Very often, such a shock experienced in childhood lays its negative impact on the entire future life of the child.
It does not matter how old your child. In any case, you could not hide from him the negative atmosphere in the house. Do not forget about the feelings of the children after the divorce of their parents. They usually suffer no less, and sometimes much greater shock than adults. Especially if the parents can not peacefully agree with whom the child will live or desire of the child does not coincide with the desire of parents.
This article contains information giving complete answers to the most frequently asked questions that may arise from a woman who was faced with the question of divorce.
Legal rights of the child after his parents' divorce
Unfortunately, very often parents decide to divorce peacefully come to a solution that would satisfy both sides, it does not work and insisting on his own, one of the parties tries to undermine the rights of the child. In this case, it must be remembered that protect the legal rights of the child after his parents divorced a federal law "On the protection of the rights of the child", as well as the Family Code of the Russian Federation.
In the case of people who want to divorce, have children together, not who reached the age of 18, the divorce process is possible only through the courts. As a rule, the marriage is dissolved only after three months and only if the spouses have no mutual claims and children's rights are not infringed. An exception to the general rule are situations where:
- One of the spouses is declared a judicial decision as a missing missing.
- One of the spouses is recognized by the courts as incapable.
- One of the spouses sentenced to serve a sentence in a correctional institution for a period of more than three years.
In all the above cases, the law provides for the possibility of dissolution of marriage in the registry offices.
In that case, if the parents can not agree on how peacefully, with whom the child will live after the divorce, the question needs to be addressed in court.
The judge decides on the basis of available evidence about what the parents' income, living conditions for the child, an opportunity to study, and many other factors.
In recent years, increasingly there are precedents when the court decision on the children after the divorce of parents continue to live with their fathers, if they can provide a better environment for living and education. That is why a woman should take care of sufficient evidence.
In some family disputes concerning child communication not only with the other parent, but also with other relatives: grandmothers, sisters, grandparents. This issue can also be resolved in court. If a woman thinks that this communication negatively affects her child, she should take care to present to the court solid evidence of his innocence.
You also can not forget about the existence of property rights of the child after his parents' divorce. Every child has the right to the presence of his personal things. In addition, money for the child, both parents have to devote even if one parent is deprived of parental rights. Deprivation of parental rights does not provide relief from parenting.
Remember that a child who has not attained the age of majority, has the right to ownership of all income received by them on property received by inheritance or donation. All of the money that the child receives in the form of pensions, alimony, welfare benefits come at the disposal of the parent with whom the child lives a minor, and can be spent only on the needs of the child.
Rights of the minor child on the property protected by the Housing Code. The child has the same rights to all the prescribed persons in the living room. In that case, if the apartment is privatized and the child has its share, after the divorce of their parents the right to possession of the child is preserved.
On the amount of child support, parents can agree on their own, then they need to enter into a contract at the notary. If you come to a mutual agreement is not possible, you will also need the help of the court. First, however, you map the proposed amount and the one that is required by law:
- If a family one minor child, the amount of child support will be 25% of the official source of income.
- For two children, this amount will be equal to 33%.
- In the same case, if the family has three or more minors, child support will be in the amount of 50% from the official source of income.
Also do not forget that if the child is less than three years old, my mother also has the right to alimony for the period that she is on maternity leave. Also, in some cases, the court may order a parent to pay a fixed amount, which does not depend on the size of income. Typically, such a practice is applied in the following cases:
- Parents do not have a permanent job or a stable income.
- Payroll takes place in a foreign format.
- It is not to establish the amount of income.
In the event that a parent will refuse to pay maintenance, you also have to go to court with a lawsuit to recover the debt.
Divorce of parents and the fate of children
As mentioned above, unfortunately, for adults passions boiling around the event, parents often forget about such a matter as parental divorce and the fate of children. However, before you tackle all the organizational issues related to the divorce, the parents need to take care of the morale of the children.
As numerous studies of psychologists, children of different age groups suffer divorce completely on - differently, and their torment completely different fears. Each age group has its own vision of the problem and gives different assessments.
The strongest psychological stress, a very negative impact on the child's psyche, divorce is for children up to 6 years. Firstly, the main condition for the psychological comfort and harmonious spiritual development is stability. When the divorce of parents about any stability and speech can not go. The world in the eyes of the child turned upside down. Dad comes home longer, and my mother most of the time silent or crying. Due to its age the child can not give an adequate assessment of what is happening around the events, he is lost, frightened and closed in itself.
In addition, children aged three to six years almost always felt a strong sense of guilt for what is happening. The reason is that the baby, who can not understand the real cause of divorce, projecting the blame on himself, thinking that Dad left because of his bad behavior. That is why the mother is so necessary to inspire your child regularly that such a position is wrong and guilt absolutely no kid. The same should be done and the child's father.
Dei older, the age of 7 - 8 years, understands that the reason for leaving the father of the family, they are not. However, to fully understand the situation they are, of course, still can not be so angry at his father.
Children 10 - 11 years old also experience a burning resentment, but both parents feel betrayed and abandoned. To cope with this situation alone is often a parent can not. However, close our eyes and ignore the existence of the problem is by no means impossible, as this will only aggravate the situation. In this case, parents should consult a child psychologist, who will help your child cope with their feelings and smyatёnnymi tell you how to survive the divorce of parents.
Teens also have more or less able to adequately assess the situation occurring. However, we must not forget that they are at least as adults, but still more children who still need the support of adults. Teenagers may begin to actively protest against his parents' divorce. Truancy classes, smoking, even leaving the house - this, at first glance, disobedience actions are nothing but a protest against the situation in the family.
Pitfalls divorce. As smooth as possible "sharp corners"?
So, behind the divorce and the child begins a new life. What do parents expect?
The most difficult for a child - is something that parents, exhausted divorce process, start to pay him a little less attention than usual. The child is difficult to understand that such changes are only the consequence of emotional exhaustion parents. The child begins to feel that he is no use to anyone, neither my mother stayed with him, nor the departed pope. Exacerbates this situation can, if not previously working mom goes to work.
The second, also very common pitfall, consist in the fact that many parents broke up, included in a kind of competition for the love and attention the baby. This struggle is most often conducted by two methods:
- The parent tries to convince the child that he is the best and longer loves him. Often in the course are the most treacherous methods and shake up "dirty laundry." Mom can talk about the many adventures of his father. His father, in turn, accuses the mother in the most unseemly actions. Parents, pursuing their selfish purpose, often, alas, forget the most important - of the state of mind of the child. Whatever it was, the child loves both parents and this situation seriously injures his psyche.
- The second most favored by men, a way to win the attention of the child - a huge number of exciting gifts and hanging: circuses, zoos, attractions, concerts. Most often, all these decorations parent just trying to hide the fear of rejection a child. And sometimes it is said that parents are not able to simply and naturally spend time with the baby, while remaining himself. Of course, all children, without exception, just love all kinds of gifts and entertainment events. However, they are not less important and valuable opportunity.
Another huge mistake parents, adversely affecting the psyche of the child, is an attempt to make the child a spy or assign him as a liaison.
In such a situation the child is constantly exposed to cross-examination by both parents, who are trying to have a child to find out the details of private life of the former second half, or pass each other their wishes through a child. Of course, the first time a child can be proud of the feeling of self-worth, but it soon will be replaced by a sense quite different, far less rosy.
In this period of life, children often do not understand, how can they survive the divorce of their parents, so just turn in on themselves. The child may, as mentioned above, to experience strong anger at both parents, and even refused to meet. In no case do not blame him for that and not force - it can lead to very dire consequences. It will take quite a bit of time and the situation is normalized.
Very often it happens that since her parents' divorce childhood children, especially adolescents, ends. And the reason for this is the wrong course of action parents. For example, my mother often makes her daughter's girlfriend, with whom she can share experiences and absolutely all the doubts. But do not forget that the psyche of a teenager is not yet ready for such loads, and these revelations could cause her irreparable harm.
The same applies to housekeeping. It is not necessary to shift the baby washing, cleaning, cooking and child care for younger people. Of course, the child has to help you, but within reason. Of course, my mother worries after divorce increase, but it should be all - still allow the child to remain a child.
Below are some recommendations on how the child survive the divorce of parents. After all, no matter how badly was a problem of perception of divorce child, parents can always alleviate the problem, or, on the contrary, to aggravate it.
At the time of divorce in no way be deprived of the possibility of the child's close contacts with both parents. In no case can not put a child to choose only one parent and adjust it against the second. Very often this sin women who inspire the children that their communication with the father will be the real betrayal of her. For the child it is a very painful situation. We must not forget that children are much more loyal and tend to forgive their parents, many mistakes, which is why children love both parents about the same.
So many dads formed a misconception that they no longer play an important role in the life of the child and their visit is not very - and then needed. However, in fact, communicating with her father is very important for the child and helps quicker emotional rehabilitation and is a good way of how a child is easier to go through the divorce of parents. Unfortunately, over time the number of visits is reduced. But the father has to keep in mind that children are very sensitive to this fact, no matter how much time has passed after the divorce: Does month or several years.
How to explain to a child the parents' divorce?
Many parents do not know how to explain the upcoming divorce, prefer to hide this fact until recently. However, the sudden news of the child will be a real shock. It is necessary to tell the child that mom and dad do not live together in advance of your real divorce. Thus, you allow the child to understand the reality of what is happening, to get used to this idea, and partly to cope with the first shock, which will inevitably cause the news.
The child will be time to talk with my dad and mom, ask questions that troubled him. Babies need much more time to make, and situation awareness than adults. It should be borne in mind for adults, when they will decide how to explain to a child the parents' divorce. Surely the child will return again and again to the painful subject for him, trying to understand why there was such a situation and how to behave on. Be prepared for the fact that these issues will occur with alarming regularity. In no case can not scold the child for the obsession, as it may aggravate the situation.
Child psychologists noticed that the children who knew in advance about the impending divorce, transferred its relatively painless. But those children for whom divorce has become a bolt from the blue, often faced with serious psychological problems, up to a nervous breakdown.
It is also important to make sure that the child has received an explanation to the highest level available to him. Explanations should be age-appropriate child. Not too much information overload a small child, but the teenager is already possible to give you more information. The main task of the parents - to find a "middle ground". It is unlikely that the explanation of the "mom and dad can no longer live together" suit teenager, but also to give too much information, tarnishing the reputation of one of the parents, and not worth it.
Also do not forget that, over time, as the child grows, you often have to go back to the question about the reason for the divorce.