Love underlies life as such. Thanks to the light, new people, it forces us to change and become better. But the greatest love - a love of man to himself. Only by accepting yourself and feeling respect, we can live a full life and be happy. Unfortunately, this is not always, and sometimes it seems to man as if to love yourself - absolutely impossible.
As we do not love yourself?
How can you find out what you do not love yourself, what is it manifested?
When you encounter even a small problem, you panic, and the world shrinks to the size of the most trouble;
Obsessive desire that you all love;
Constant self-blame and guilt;
Over-reliance on the opinions of others and the desire to hear them praise in his address;
Low professional self-esteem, which is manifested in the fact that, even as a first-rate expert in the field, you think that someone can do better than you;
Any criticism is perceived as an insult;
Willingness to work "on the bottom", lack of attention to themselves and their state;
An acute sense of self-pity;
Own thoughts and ideas seem to be completely useless and meaningless;
The desire to reach the ideal in order to please everyone;
The reluctance to ask for help and only independent solution of all possible problems;
Dislike to the body;
The desire to be invisible to everyone and unwillingness to report on their own discomfort;
Inability to say "no."
Here is a long list of turned. Moreover, it can be extended to infinity, because the manifestations of dislike for yourself can be a great variety. Each of us can be their own characteristics in this regard. By the way, do not always dislike to him it permeates all spheres of human life: sometimes it manifests itself more in professional terms, and sometimes - in the individual.
Causes of dislike for yourself
In order to understand how to love yourself, you need to understand the sources of this hostility. Most often, the feet of many of our problems, "grow" from childhood. This is not surprising, because every small child, in essence, a blank sheet, which eventually filled through the efforts and actions by others. At heart, we forever remain the two roles: a young child who longs for love and understanding from family and adult who abuses and controls us.
And everything is good, because these two completely cancel each other out. However, if a child in a child having problems, it is constantly abused and criticized, he is looking for the cause of all this trouble himself. And he comes to the conclusion that it is simply bad. But if he was good, then everything would be different. Thus, the child begins to reject some of his traits. That is how the seeds of dislike to him into the soil of our souls and begin to germinate.
In some cases, parents try by a child to realize their own dreams and expectations, which will not come true. They do not understand how to love without it, and therefore try to grow from a baby "normal" person, because the only way they can feel sympathy for him. For example, my mother always wanted you to have married and had children, and you have chosen a career. Logically, you now feel uncomfortable, because it does not please the mother, and she thinks you're a bad daughter.
And sometimes we do not fit society and the spirit of the times. The modern world is so constituted that we are all, by and large, we are trying to be similar to each other and compete in their success. And if any man that stands out from the flow of people, then it is likely that he will not be able to love yourself. If we take the same example with a marriage and a career, it is the girls who do not want our society to strive for success, as they like to cook borscht husband might be difficulties with the adoption of its own values.
Finally, we ourselves sometimes driven into such conditions, out of which it is not possible. Set for yourself a bar, which has not held up to Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs - and we are trying! For example, a person wants to earn a lot of money (why?) And he goes to work in a large corporation with the appropriate treatment of employees and working conditions. After a year of mixed results, he begins to slowly gnaw himself for what he can not be a model "office plankton". Although I do not understand why they need it.
Another reason that many people have a dislike to him - it is the experience of failure. Unfortunately, not all of our undertakings are completed with success: the project can be discarded, favorite flower could wilt and beloved - to break up with you. In this case, a very great temptation to dive into the blame on the ears, and a long time to indulge in self-flagellation. After serious setbacks it is very difficult to love yourself and start again to do something, but without it you are doomed to a very unhappy life.
How to love yourself?
On the causes and manifestations of all may be clear, but the question of how to love yourself, is still open. But to solve it only you can, because it is from your state of mind depends on your self-esteem. Psychologists developed a number of tips and advice that will be useful and interesting to anyone, regardless of their self-perception and perception of the world.
The advantages and successes
You can say that you love and something themselves especially not for that. This is not surprising, since you notice only at some failures and shortcomings. It is not known when and who instilled in you the habit, but the fact remains - it is very much stopping you in life. But it does not necessarily dislike and disgust for himself until his death!
How to love yourself, if you do nothing? Rubbish! Therefore, begin to show activity in the direction that you are the most lovely: work, hobbies, personal life. If the first time you encounter a failure, then do not worry - give yourself the right to make mistakes, because you're doing it for the first time. A first success Rejoice and fix this fact in the list of personal achievements. Burn it even utter nonsense, for example, "is not shouted at boorish aunt in the bus" and "refrained from eating the second cake."
Be sure to make a list of all of your advantages and qualities that distinguish you from the others. Just turn off the criticism and appreciate themselves as if from outside, is a foreign girl. Soon it turns out that you're cute, clever, etc. ... Do not forget at least once a day, to refer to these lists, and charged them to love themselves.
Feelings
In our culture, it condemned the manifestation of such feelings as resentment, anger, anger, sadness. We get used to hide them, and quietly disappointed in his body, which somehow tends to experience these emotions. It is therefore very important to learn how to allow yourself to feel what you feel, and correctly express those emotions.
For example, you are offended by a friend. Out of habit, I want to immediately hide the deeper the emotion, and even themselves to shame for her appearance. But do not do it! Emotions are natural and arbitrary, and the time we react to them an event is probably what it's deserved. Your girlfriend really hurt you, and you have the right to express it to her. Perhaps she could not think about how you hate her behavior. And, maybe, it is convenient to "wipe your feet on," but then it is worth considering why we need such a friend?
Affirmations
There is a great psychological tool that gradually teaches love of self. He called affirmations. Its essence lies in the pronunciation of the special verbal formulas are programmed our minds on positive thinking and perception. Using these formulas are only a few times a day, you will be able to achieve significant improvements within a month. An example of positive affirmations:
I - the most charming and attractive;
The world is open to me, and I'm all over achieve success;
I have a beautiful body;
I give people joy and light;
The source of inspiration is in me;
I love and appreciate yourself;
These statements are only a sample - in fact, there is an infinite set of all possible affirmations. The most important thing when using them - the emergence within you of positive energy and joy. And, of course, regularly. This lesson needs to be given time and effort, not pronounce them in a hurry - only affirmations will gain strength in your soul.
Visualization
Another mental exercise aimed at achieving the desired state, that is, self-love. Your task - in every detail to imagine what will happen when you love yourself. We have prepared questions that will help you to produce the desired image with all the details:
What you'll wake up in the morning?
How do you look like?
What will be your gait and gestures?
What do you do every day?
What you will not do?
What is your question?
Where do you live?
Who do you work?
What will be your man and girlfriend?
What do you do in your spare time?
What traits do you have in comparison with today?
Answers to these and other questions, imagine this picture. Look at it from all sides. Add to the image of smells and sounds. Dive in and Stay in this life short period of time - at least five minutes. Then quit and listen for yourself and your inner feelings. Regularly performing this exercise, you will gradually become the one who you represent - confident and loving yourself.
Changes
But self-love does not imply humility and acceptance of those qualities which obviously spoil your life and hinder the achievement of happiness. Rather, it is about how to make a traits that seem to be bad, but in fact are not. How to separate the wheat from the chaff? You should analyze where you have taken the desire to get rid of a particular quality. If the reason - in the alleged condemnation by others and the rules of "necessary and all," it is likely that it is a lack of love for yourself and low self-esteem.
But if you really interfere with certain features - for example, excess weight or habit pry where not necessary - that, perhaps, is get rid of them. To do this, as detailed as possible on the sheet shall describe the symptoms so annoying you traits. Add the column, including the description of the negative consequences of your actions. Think about and analyze why you behave so (you may become quiet or lazy to take any action). Finally, outline the detailed plan of how you would change everything. And do not forget to follow it religiously!
Adoption
Unfortunately, not all of your features can be changed - at least without bloodshed. Yes, and it would be sad if any man could change his unsympathetic change - surely then our world would consist of billions of perfect cyborgs. Agree, it is not very interesting to live in such conditions!
However, to do something with his dislike for themselves and their specific features should be. And the key in this case is the decision. In the end, none of us are perfect, and you can have any flaws. In some cases, they even give you individuality and unique charm. So love yourself for who you are, because if something you were not, it would not have been you.
Burden of the past
It bothers many of us. This is particularly evident in relationships with men: as we do not trust new partners because of the deceptions of old, expect them to conduct similar to the previous line, and just think of them bad. All of this - our negative baggage, and some people have it so much that it interferes not only to live, but just to love yourself. From the head does not leave the thought: "If this had happened in my life, so to me that something is wrong."
Not always true. For example, your first with men is not indicative of the relationship at all, because then you just do not have the experience to assess and predict the situation. In the future, you just made them his norm and forget about what might have been otherwise. This is not your fault - so the person is arranged. But you can analyze your mistakes and correct them - in particular, if you respond to a different type of men. In any case, it is necessary to let go of this negative experience and begin to live again.
Sometimes the art of self-love may seem very complex science, but it is not. We get used to scold and blame themselves simply because sometimes good attitude to someone who is reflected in the mirror, it would seem shameful. This is wrong, because this man - the closest, reliable and mother. And for that alone it is to love with all my heart and soul.
