"The fear, hatred and loneliness are fueled by our mind, and are the cause of most of our misfortunes. The same reason, if you know how to do it, helps to heal all the diseases of the mind. " (Phil Nürnberger, "In Search of a power over")
Some of us enjoy the solitude, because the only way they can relax and take a break from the pressing affairs. But there are a number of people for whom the fear of loneliness - this is a real phobia, which puts pressure on them in the life of disappointment and fear of tomorrow. It does not matter whether you are alone, you are in a serious relationship or even a happy marriage - fear of loneliness may be possible to cover any person, regardless of his current situation. If you constantly check your mailbox is entered in your phone number, even a completely random people, or become restless and alert, staying alone with yourself, even for a few minutes, then it is possible that you too are a victim of this syndrome.
What is now the loneliness?
Despite the frantic pace of modern life, the loneliness of today are not uncommon. Regardless of our gender, ethnicity, social status and age, loneliness can overtake us without warning, when we did not expect it. At some point in our lives we suddenly feel it, whether it is a short condition or it long. But, as social beings, we seek to communicate with others. We are in fact always becomes easier if there is someone who understands us and is able to empathize with our senses.
But just because at some point we find ourselves alone, it does not mean that each of us at the same time feels lonely. Someone can not stay at home alone all day, and someone gladly retreated to a log cabin on the lake and lived there for several months. Such people may spend part of their life on something, to be alone, so, in fact, be able to fully enjoy life. And while they did not feel fear of his voluntary seclusion.
Loneliness can be defined as physical isolation from other people, but it is not necessarily associated with sadness about it. On the other hand, loneliness is often associated as discomfort, self-awareness, not only physically, but emotionally and in complete isolation. For loneliness is characterized by tendency to seek dialogue. For some people, this feeling can be so overwhelming that they develop a real phobia - the fear of a strong possibility of being lonely.
Thus, loneliness - this is the emotional state in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness - is more than just a sense of the presence of desire or the desire to communicate with another person. It is the feeling that you are cut off, isolated from other people when you feel difficulty or even impossibility of having any form of meaningful human contact. Single people often feel quite exhausted, so heavy they suffer this condition.
Actual loneliness or even a phobia - that is, in addition to everything else, and the fear of being alone - is able to plunge many people into uncertainty, anxiety and depression. If you have characterized this phobia, you may constantly need in someone's presence, at any moment you'll want around you constantly were people. Of course, we all need for our life - to some extent - in other people; but if you feel you can not be alone for a minute, then this need (actually - phobia) starts to control you.
As we have said, to be "the one" for different people mean different things. It is important to assess what size takes your fear and to what extent your phobia controls you and your behavior. For example, it is important to note carries you a your fear of any social elements: connected phobia with the problems of violence against your personality and make you focus on any one particular person or any particular type of person, or do you all Anyway, who will be in close proximity to you.
Clinical and research data confirm the fact that all too often one of the main reasons for the fear of loneliness is an unstable relationship between a man and a woman. Any good psychologist knows that relationships are based on fear, is destined to be unhappy. This occurs for several reasons. Usually the fear of loneliness makes one of the partners have a constant desire to see next to each other, which makes a certain tension in the relationship and causes suffering of any innocent of the second partner.
On the other hand, are frequent situations where a woman lives with a man for a long time it would be worth to quit. Perhaps it is too oppressive, or he is an alcoholic, or a rabid womanizer. But she was afraid to stay in complete isolation - they say, who am I now do I need - and continues to tolerate the status quo. Of course, it can not be called happy, even though she is not alone. And in the first and in the second case the partners are unlikely to be deeper levels of emotional intimacy with each other.
The fear of loneliness is a number of names - autophobia, izolofobiya and monofobiya. In fact, all these are different names for the same condition. This phobia significantly affects the quality of life. It separates close friends and business partners, can cause panic attacks and brings the total chaos in the life of a person suffering from this phobia. The symptoms of an attack of this condition typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, heart rhythm disturbance, sweating, nausea and a general feeling of fear; although each suffers from this phobia is afraid of loneliness in his own way and can have a variety of symptoms.
What causes loneliness and fear of loneliness
People can experience loneliness for many reasons, and many of the events in our life are associated with loneliness. Thus, loneliness is the most common reaction to a divorce and tear or loss of any significant long-term relationships. In these cases, isolation may be related to the loss of a specific person, and with the release of a social circle that caused this event or to follow him a sense of sadness and depression.
Loneliness can be a response to specific situations or events, such as death or prolonged absence of a loved one. This feeling can also wash over after birth, marriage or after any significant and sometimes not even a very significant event in his life.
Fear of loneliness may be due to a number of other reasons. Career and family relations - the two most common reasons. Someone is so interested in the prospect of career development that completely forgets about the need to build a personal life and eventually left without family. If a man is quite happy with things, the woman eventually begin to feel a keen sense of loneliness.
Someone may be isolated due to the fact that it denies its environment, for example, because of deficiencies in appearance, being overweight or belonging to a different race. As a result, such people begin to suffer from the fear that they will remain alone forever. Many are beginning to feel lonely, when they come to a new location - for example, children who go to a new school or move to another area where they do not know anyone. People with family problems - such as lack of emotional connection between the partners - may also suffer from loneliness and uncertainty.
The effects of loneliness and fear of loneliness can be very heavy. They can lead us to the already mentioned panic attacks, depression, suicide, alcoholism and drug addiction, as well as acute and chronic diseases. Chronic loneliness (as opposed to normal, which everyone of us feel from time to time) may be associated with an increased risk of death from cancer and stroke and cardiovascular disease. People who are socially isolated, as reported by physicians about the poor quality of sleep, which in turn leads to disruption of regenerative processes in the body.
But, fortunately, there are ways by which you can control the pain of loneliness - and then retreats phobia or no chance to develop.
Management by fear of loneliness
To cope with the fear of loneliness, you should find yourself in such activities, which you would have liked. This will help divert your attention from everyday worries. It would be much better if you do what he likes in circles or clubs where you can meet a lot of people with similar interests. Unfortunately, many people who overcomes this phobia are essentially introverts. That is, they tend to choose a single activity.
However, for anyone friendships have always been very desirable factor. Therefore, we must be honest with yourself and admit that the retreat will not bring relief. If you make an effort and begin to communicate with people who have interests similar to yours, it will make you a lot happier! In addition, it will increase your chances to meet many new friends, and this, in turn, will create conditions for the development of a closer relationship with anyone of them.
Pets can also become your companions, able to dispel the feeling of loneliness. Many widowed people whose children are grown and live their own lives, taking under his wing one or more pets, because they can help lonely people feel the right to someone. And you can offer assistance to those who can learn a profit out of your free time or some talent. By helping others, you will experience a sense of satisfaction and pride themselves; In addition, such assistance could lead to new friendships.
Of course, the loneliness - it's not fun, but you must remember that there are worse things. For example, you can "get stuck" in an unhealthy relationship, stop that is sometimes very difficult. Such a life can make you feel so miserable that you dream of loneliness, as a true deliverance from suffering, because you can not get away from the situation for personal or financial reasons. Agree with the point of view of a captive life circumstances loneliness may not seem such a bad thing!
Perhaps the most important factor in the struggle with the fear of loneliness is to understand that you - the person who can control his fear. You should know how to control his inner world, to learn to love yourself and get in touch with their own "I". And if you find a true friend to you it is almost impossible, then at least you should know how to use themselves for the good of his own company. Instead of the fear or sadness to think that you have to be alone again, you must believe that you yourself want to be alone, because that's how you can get in touch with the most important person in the entire universe - with itself.
Remember that loneliness - this is a situation you can change, and she does not have to be constant. You should not expect that the problem will resolve itself alone and with the perfect fast; everything will happen in a reasonable time. Only you should try to establish a mutual understanding with itself. Use this time when you will not be distracted anyone else, in order to develop healthy habits at home - exercise and proper, healthy diet. It is also important to ensure that every night you could easily and sleep well, to always maintain the necessary balance between your physical and emotional state.
Once you make the necessary adjustments in their lives, will be physical and emotional activity, one day you'll be quite surprised to find that the fear of loneliness melted away without a trace. Of course, now that the phobia is still troubling you, you do not have to fantasize about what will come here tomorrow and all your fears will disappear as if by magic. And then come, they say, life without bitterness. No, of course it does not happen! And it goes, nothing happens, and the ideal of life, no one can not be.
Do not engage in idle dreams, and tune in to work on yourself. Tune also on what we need to temper your character and develop resistance to a variety of everyday troubles, of which escape our lives is not always possible. And the very first thing you now need to do - is to fill our lives with positive thoughts; they will be able to drive away the dark clouds that are so hard to try to thicken over you now!
We strongly recommend to read: How to get rid of the fear of loneliness