There are three destructive forces generated by the power of the mind: fear, hatred and loneliness. They - like a fire-breathing dragon that paralyze our minds and saps the strength, creating disease, misery and suffering. They seem to be so powerful that we feel completely helpless before them. And it does not mean that we ourselves are the source of their power, and that we can take away from them this power.
What is loneliness
Loneliness - one of these terrible forces. And if fear and hatred, as you sometimes seems more like something you can control, how to cope with loneliness? You may think it's not an emotion, which are the first two destructive forces! It does not take himself in hand, do not turn your attention to something more pleasant - the same external circumstances that are beyond our control! And if you really think so, it is very much mistaken.
Loneliness - a state of mind rather than a measure of how many people you interact. You may be filled with a sense of loneliness, being in a noisy restaurant or in the auditorium of the theater, during a business meeting or a family of identity and even during sex. Can you feel happy, full of harmony and peace in the midst of a dense forest, away from people.
Loneliness is a complex and multidimensional phenomenon. Therefore, there is no single "medicine" of being alone, that there are many different types of this condition. Loneliness widow who has recently lost her husband, different from the loneliness of a boy who due to illness forced to lie in bed and can neither go to school or go outside to see their friends. And just as there is no one type of loneliness, so there is no single solution to how to cope with loneliness. Different problems require different solutions.
One important aspect of this condition is the frequency with which a person feels lonely. Some people are very rarely, if them ever this happens, feel somewhat isolated. Most of these people have this feeling at some special situations that affect their emotions in this way. For example, some sadness in a cold rainy day, or when going on a long train for their firms at a time parting with family and friends. Psychologists call this type of situational loneliness, because this state occurs only under certain circumstances, in certain situations.
And there is also a strong feeling of loneliness, which is maintained regardless of the situation. Man is not able to establish the necessary links with the people around him, and perceives it or bitterly, accusing thus in position everybody, but not themselves, or resignedly, believing that it has been and always will be, and nothing here can not help it .
Loneliness - a special form of unmet need for communication and support when you really stung their absence. Do you feel lonely, when you feel that your world will never be the way it should be for your peace of mind, and how he had once been. Most likely, we feel alone, when we lose the communication that used to have - when a loved one died, leaving us in this world, or left when the split family, or when we lose jobs and we have sharply narrowed the usual circle of friends .
It pains us to experience the contrast between what we had before, and the fact that we've got right now. Acute regret that we lost - as a rule, it is something very significant for us - makes wake feeling of isolation from other people who have life continues to take its course. Such a comparison of their lives with the lives of others, by the way, can also cause feelings of loneliness. Seeing the happiness of other people who have a strong family, good friends, friendly staff, we aim to get the same pleasure and experience an acute sense of loneliness in the case of failure.
How we contribute to your own loneliness?
Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is gaining strength and is fueled by our inaction when we are inadvertently let it go and do nothing to change the status quo. We hope that it is itself eventually leave, but only the loneliness even stronger root in our minds. Ironically, there are times when we feel that we did get used to it, with his humble solitude.
But this state if no action is taken, tends to ensure that only get worse, leading us ultimately to a sense of depression and helplessness that, in turn, lead to depression and even more serious consequences: alcoholism, drug addiction, thoughts of suicide, and even suicide. If you are not satisfied with such a prospect, do not procrastinate the opportunity to learn how to find a way to escape from this hell and how to cope with loneliness.
Step one: understand your loneliness
To stop feeling lonely, you first need to recognize that feeling itself. Sometimes I admit it even to herself is very, very difficult! But it must be done, otherwise you will not be able to understand what you need to do next. Then, acknowledging their feelings of loneliness, you will need some way to express it. For example, it would be possible to have a personal blog, or start writing letters to his imaginary friend or relative to write a song, draw a picture; in short, to do something that would allow you to begin to express their feelings, to give vent to emotions that are inside you.
When you start doing this, you can do the unexpected discovery that you have a whole range of emotions that can be directly related to your feelings of loneliness, including sadness, anger and frustration. You could understand that these emotions are closely connected with the fact that you feel lonely. Once you begin to see these connections, you will see where you need to start to make changes in their lives.
You only need to clearly understand the difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness - is when you are unhappy and suffer from the fact that you are one. Solitude, on the contrary, it's when you're glad to be alone with myself. You can not call a state of loneliness and when you are, for whatever reasons, are isolated, but have not lost the desire to communicate with people. In this case, you will always find with whom to make friends, even if for some reason taken out of their usual circle of friends.
If you feel heavy, oppressive sense of loneliness, then you would be a good way psychological counseling. It will help you to understand myself, to find the cause of your condition and tell you how you should act.
Step Two: Overcoming loneliness
Of course, it is necessary to overcome this condition by using the methods that are specifically suited to your case. When you have recognized and expressed their feelings of loneliness, you probably could "pull" out its causes. Here's something to them and you have to work. Maybe you will approach and our advice. Try to try them on to their situation; these actions have helped many. Here's what you can do to overcome loneliness:
Focus on the present
Whenever you begin to overcome nostalgia, tell yourself: "Stop! I do well, I'll think about it! "Bring all your attention on what is happening in the present day. You can not go back to school days and once again become the queen class. Not in your power to bring back the dead from a serious illness or a friend hit by a car beloved cat. Back to the past, no one can! So look for other opportunities to be happy it is today and tomorrow.
Be itself; moreover, be proud of yourself
Yes, you are a celebrity, you know half the world and which are hunted by paparazzi; you are not the person who lives in a three-story mansion, and the machine picks up the color of your lipstick. You do not belong to the world, but only to itself - and it's wonderful! You - a unique personality, the second such person is not in the whole of the vast universe, so be happy and proud that you are the person that you are.
Learn to enjoy the time you spend alone with myself
Once you learn how to comfortably spend time alone, you will be able to defeat the obsessive need to communicate with others. To love solitude, take his habit of long walks in the park or along the river. And think while walking on something pleasant.
Do not allow yourself to sit back
When your mind is not otherwise engaged, it begin to be born "unnecessary" thought. If you have free time, go for a walk, ride a bike, read a good book. Be sure to get yourself some fascination, and not be afraid to try something completely new for yourself. When you get a new experience, you become a more interesting person, and you will reach many more people. Also, if you start attending all kinds of clubs, you can make new friends with people who have interests similar to yours. As a result, you greatly expand the social circle.
Clarify for yourself the purpose of your life, and always strive for the activities that will address your needs
When you know that your life has some important goal, the support and encouragement of other people loses its significance. It is much more difficult to feel the pointlessness of his life (which is often the case with people suffering from loneliness), if you have a vision of her future goals!
Try to be useful to other
Take, for example, volunteering. Help those who have a harder time than you, and you will bring huge benefits. You will understand that in fact you are a happy person, because you do not have such terrible problems such as those people whose fate you are trying to alleviate. An added bonus of this activity is that volunteers usually work sociable and friendly people, and you will find yourself among them many new real friends.
Find the notebook you have not taken in hand, and call his old friend and acquaintances
In our life many everyday problems, the events follow each other, and the fuss gradually separates people. You will be surprised, feeling like you are glad to hear old friends. Believe me, it is you will be pleased, no less. And you will see another path that takes you into the world of human communication.
Most spend time with his family
Nothing strengthens our faith in ourselves, like love of our parents! You can sit at home close family circle, and you can go along to any event - for example, in the festivities in honor of the city. There you can get acquainted with new people. The realization that you are not alone among strangers, will help you to reduce the embarrassment that often arises when meeting in public.
Challenge yourself by taking the initiative in social relationships
Do not wait until people will turn to you, come closer to them yourself. If this situation has, ask the person you are interested in, if he wants to talk to you on an interesting topic for both of you. Invite him (or her) to drink a cup of coffee with you. You have to show interest in others, and then they, too, will be interested in you. Do not expect that you will gain a new friend as soon as get acquainted with someone. This can be a long and tedious process, but it will lead to true friendship.
Get yourself a furry four-legged friend
You do good work, if you take a puppy or kitten in a shelter, and even in this case, and will gain loyal friend. Betrayed and truly infinite love of your pet is able to melt any ice loneliness!
Take their development
Start walking in the reading room or learn to sail in kayaks, take lessons on a musical instrument, learn a foreign language or go belly dance. New knowledge and skills to expand your horizons and bring you more friends.
Be physically active
Regular walks, practice yoga, walk to the gym, try to learn how to swim or ride a bike. Not only do you improve their health and to improve the shape, so also will get an impressive dose of endorphins (also called "hormone of happiness"), which are released by the body during exercise. It is very difficult to feel lonely when you're happy!
Most listen to fun, upbeat music
Find these melodies and songs that make your mood to take off, as if on wings. Turn it up loud and dance, sing - let this music sounds inside of you!
And it is not so much advice and caution: Do not get carried away in an online communication
If you find yourself at the mercy of any online community, it does not give you relief, will only cause unnecessary complications. You can use the Internet as a tool to meet the reality and get to know the people of your town, who share your interests. What else can be a good forum "filter" that helps to understand the common interest; but do not expect that in reality, your new friends will be the same as the forum in the "online".
Solitude - it's such a strong emotion that it can make you feel isolated, even in a crowd. You can have friends, relatives and acquaintances, and still feel lonely. But do not take his fortune as a certain constant and unchanging reality, especially since you now know how to cope with loneliness. Create for yourself a positive outlook on your situation. In general, the loneliness can be a good opportunity to try something completely new, a break from the pressing affairs or take up education and formation of your new "I". In the end, some of the most famous people spent a lot of time alone. And worse than you?
We strongly recommend to read: How to get rid of loneliness
