The risk of being pelted with rotten tomatoes, but still dare to claim that so beloved by many self-pity - is the result of the selfish attitude to the world, and it is an extreme form of self-centeredness. And that is typical - people who constantly languishing in self-pity, is not only unhappy themselves, but also make others miserable.
Yes, we do not argue - there are situations when self-pity should not be called the human condition, it has the most state objective reasons
. So, let's separate the wheat from the chaff and draw the line between self-pity and depression, grief and sorrow
. With the latest state everything is clear; where all human experiences are directed inward
. But he who spares himself - constantly looking for sympathy from others, as a rule, hoping to find sympathy in this pleasant feeling for myself and even some euphoria
. Even asking will not - believe that you will not have to strain much memory to recall one or two friends who constantly whine and complain about their poor dolyushku
. Such people can be found quite often
. They become so dependent on the support and approval of others, do not hesitate to stick even to unfamiliar people, laying them all their misery and waiting for a new portion of pity and sympathy; just so they can feel better
Unfortunately, this dependence is largely similar to chemical dependence (nicotine, alcohol, drugs) - the pleasure derived from the "dose" of sympathy passes, and they begin to feel the need for the addition. Fixing these people on what their lives as they believe there is a "wrong" acts on our poor brains, well, just like sandpaper - how annoying us their eternal whining! Their endless self-pity quickly ceases to arouse our sympathy, especially since they never listen to us when we are celebrating the fact that their life develops "wrong" and how generally positive in their lives more than the negative. Oh, they will never agree with us, because we are such arrogant statements just knock the ground from under our feet, so that kind, and you can lose all reason to feel bad and suffer!
As the outlook on life changed attitude towards him
All of us are endowed with emotion and it fills our life with colors of different shades. Sometimes these colors are bright and cheerful, sometimes - calm, pastel. But sometimes a person catches up with depression or grief, and then dominated the paint gloomy, dark, hopeless. The days when a person everything becomes indifferent and only one feeling the pain throbbing in his soul: "And what about me? How am I going to live? ". Pity and sympathy in such moments can help a person cope with their condition and gradually return to a normal life.
It also happens: the person something in life needs to change, and he is afraid of these changes and begins to panic, complaining in advance for possible hardships that await it, as it seems
. The examples are not far to seek: think some your friend, who left a job due to the fact that a well-earning husband demanded that she "quit this fucking job for pennies and go, finally, your family! "
. Remembered? And now let us remember what she shared her fears with you
. And communicate something to her now will have no one, because now it will be forgotten as once and then forgotten classmates classmates; money and some of their family without her salary would not be enough; and now the husband will not respect her for a housekeeper to keep going ... Of course, these fears can be understood
. But why would such a situation not to think first of all that good at it have? Remember, because it hardly reassured the arguments that it now will not overwork by long hours of work that her husband and respects and loves, just worried about the fact that his wife is torn between family and work
. And the misery they are unlikely, because her husband earns well
. And she should appreciate what she is: a good family, a nice house in a prestigious area of the city, the new machine
. And to no one forgot, you just have to continue to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances
And here it is already of great importance will play a young lady prudence. It's a bit battered, regret itself, and begin to move on, as if nothing had happened. Prudence will prevail and she will appreciate what it has, it is easy to part with what is no longer. And if self-pity prevail over prudence - the search for the problems she will continue. Rather, search for the reasons because of which we all need to immediately begin to feel sorry for her. She will look at life gloomy, not noticing that the sun is shining very brightly.
And it also happens that a woman or a girl is never happy and contented life. It seems that is already a fact of the birth made her very unhappy. It has a unique complex - a complex of martyrs, when everything in life is bad and getting worse. If we analyze all complaints of such "martyrs", it becomes very clear that all the problems just sucked from the finger, and the only thing she needs - is sympathy. But no matter how much he or she receives, she does not get easier. Why is that? Yes, simply because she did not want her to feel better. It's so nice - revel in their suffering and sympathy of others!
Do I need to get rid of pity
With clear views on life. It is not clear whether you need self-pity the ordinary person. Well, let's deal. Pity - it is an emotion, and emotions are both positive and negative sides. So pity. Positive in self-pity becomes its ability to become a kind of anesthesia: self-pity freezes heartache when it catches up with us. It puts to sleep the rest of our emotions, and wraps us in a cotton cocoon, hiding from the "invasion" from the outside. So it's good "medicine" from the pain. But if he could pour a bottle and send it to the pharmacy, it is necessary to sell it would be only by prescription. Otherwise, self-lovers exposed to the threat of overdose.
In small doses, shame is not harmful. Here the children, for example, it is even necessary for survival, and therefore lies in their nature. But when a person becomes an adult, self-pity is beginning to be a burden. And the inappropriate adult already whining and asking for a pat on the head! It looks very cute when a little girl sucking her finger; and imagine an adult aunt, who does the same thing - whether it is after such a count on the respect and serious attention from others ?!
If you look at the negative side of pity, at once it should be noted that self-pity paralyzing all my thoughts, feelings and actions. Man ceases to understand that he alone is responsible for the solution to their problems. Constantly wailing lady becomes miserable manipulator using the people to solve their problems. And the source of their problems, it usually is looking for you. And in vain ...
Where to look for the causes of many problems?
"I did not create the problem, so I can not solve it! "And what can also result in a conviction? By the creation of a permanent, virtually immortalized in the life of a "martyr" downward spiral, which every revolution will be to string another problem in a long chain of failures and self-pity. By definition, a person who considers himself a martyr, will never be held accountable for their own lives. Well, of course, that responsibility must be borne by someone else! This position in itself can lead to a variety of problems, and certainly, that his life will never change for the better.
In addition, pity separates the sufferer - from themselves, from people from all over the world, from its own power over them. This emotion overrides all communications unhappy, and because of its increased need for attention and sympathy. Who would like to constantly wipe tears to someone?
And, sorry - the enemy of choice. It deprives the will, and to take a decision becomes very difficult. That is why nothing has changed in the life of a man who engaged only in search of pity and sympathy. So it turns out - self-pity can create a miserable life!
Do you recognize yourself?
We had no intention of anyone to point fingers! Just let you throw the view from the outside. And if you recognize yourself in this description of the people who are constantly or occasionally experiencing self pity, you should not get upset. Know that if you could treat yourself so critical - so all is not lost. You will be able to cope with this drawback, and we are happy to tell you how to get rid of feelings of self-pity. Fortunately, out of the morass of self-pity is quite affordable. We just urge you to have the courage to say to himself, "Stop! It is necessary to change something in your life! "
Of course, to change themselves and their habits, it will take time and your efforts. Technology, which we will tell you to be applied on an automatic level - it must be for you the same necessity as brushing your teeth or use the toilet. If you approach this technique in the same way - perceive it as another indispensable hygiene habits - we can assure you that you will be rewarded for the huge! Your life will change, and the problems will begin to decrease. Of course, you have to work on yourself, but you also want to make your life much easier and more joyful? You should already have realized how much good in this life pass you by. We have already said that pity blocks all other emotions. When you get rid of it, your ability to think clearly will increase many times, and the ability to feel the full range of emotions will also be increased.
We resort to meditation
Equipment disposal of mercy is based on meditation, but it is well suited for those who meditate ever tried. The more we write out your actions literally steps:
- Find a convenient time when you stay in silence and in solitude. You can turn off the lights, close your eyes it is necessary;
- Spend a minute or two on what to completely relax the body and mind;
- Imagine yourself in the bathroom or the toilet holding a vessel;
- Start feeling sorry for yourself, and try to summon emotion as strong as possible. Filling yourself pity, you have to simultaneously pour it out of his body in the vessel that are holding. Focus on self-pity and the reasons that it should cause maximum strengthening their emotions. Try to survive in this state for 5-10 minutes.
In fact, to keep their attention on compassion will be much more difficult than you can imagine. It is very difficult to concentrate on anything for very long, for that you might need some practice.
- After filling the container take the next step - mentally pour the contents of the container into a sink or toilet, and wash immediately with water. Rinse with abundant and rapid flow of clean water - as soon as possible away from the eyes!
The key to this meditation is that you have to pour shame from his body to the vessel and from the vessel - pour it down the sink and rinse with clean water.
- Slowly count from one to five, and by "five" open your eyes.
Even if you feel that you have never felt sorry for myself - very much recommend that you try to do it at least once. You'll be surprised at a lot of the feeling of lightness that will experience as a result. And if you practice this technique on a regular basis, such hygiene "emotions" will completely change your life.
Work on yourself - and enjoy your life!