The ability to make friends and love in a marriage
In the world there are so many wonderful things as positive emotions and feelings, sometimes they can just get confused. Love and friendship - what's the difference between them and whether it exists at all, if we talk about friendship Mezhuyev man and woman? Maybe friendship - it's intimate feel that a woman feels for a woman, and love - the feeling experienced by the man? Then the friendship between a man and a woman does not exist? So whether it is in fact, try to understand and to put all "on the shelves."
So, we are able to be friends? "What a question! "- Outraged many, -" Of course, we are able! What - a special ability to do this? We all have friends. " And they will be wrong, because it includes the concept of friendship is not at all what it is in reality. Often the friends we call friends or good friends with whom I communicate for a long time. We called back to them, are interested in their affairs, we meet sometimes, going to the same table during the holidays, and sometimes share their experiences and joys.
But psychologists say that it can not be called friendship. Psychology of friendship implies a need for regular communication with a specific person, the need for which is equivalent to death. A friend needs us as the air and in trouble and in joy, and just in everyday life. And this need is very similar to another feeling - the feeling of love. Maybe these feelings are identical? But, alas, it is not. Whether there is any true friendship? Can I meet the person so close to you to feel that you need it for real? Is it possible to keep the relationship and not to lose the friendship?
Sooner or later in life there is such a person, the need for which is always there, and it's a psychological need. But, unfortunately, such a relationship is gradually eroding. The disinterested friendship is gradually becoming a relic of the past. Friends for us now - these are people that can help in this or that question or those with whom you can have a good time. Just treat us the people who call us friends. In fact, if someone from the supposedly close friends is a crisis, "friends" somewhere evaporate, as long as the crisis does not pass. This situation is familiar to almost everyone.
In short, profitable friendship rapidly displaces disinterested friendship. And we begin to forget all about the concept of friendship. And in vain. What does a true friendship? Love and friendship saves man from loneliness at all times. Today we finally can lose one of the most reliable means of human communication - the ability to make friends. Losing the ability to make friends, you can probably forget how to love, and if these concepts are so close. This ability, and that is love, and what friendship in terms of psychology, today we'll talk.
What means "friendship"?
What really is this, it would seem, all the usual concept of friendship? Speaking scientifically, the friendship - a disinterested relationships, personal, between people, which are based on common likes, interests and hobbies. True friendship - is not just a chat over a cup of coffee. Signs of true friendship expressed in the fact that a friend is always there - it is bad for us, good or ...
Others will never try to take advantage of your weakness for their own purposes, and will always help when you need him. A true friend will not only help in trouble, and sincerely rejoice in the moments of happiness with you. To him, a faithful friend, we are running to share some news, we see him first on his doorstep if a misfortune, we share with them and see happiness in the eyes with the other genuine joy. Friendship and love - the concept is as close as your friend we like - not as a partner but as a person.
Every person you have such friends? Unfortunately no. And each of us can be so very different? Also, "alas," and also "no." We got into tough cocoons and have forgotten how to genuinely enjoy someone else's success and as sincerely empathize with their failures. And it concerns, unfortunately, not only strangers, but also those who are close to us.
And it is with those whom we love, so we need to be able to be friends! Because of this lack of skills generates a lot of controversy, contributing to the emergence of alienation between loving people and cause them heartache. Just inability of spouses to be friends and not pushed into oblivion supposedly love, and is the cause of many divorces. Not for nothing do they say that the best wife - this friend, and beloved. Love - friendship, impregnated with passion and desire. If there is no male-female friendship, then no love can not be, it is likely only the passion, love and sexual desire.
What is real friendship? Confidence in the future; She makes a man more courageous, freer and more optimistic, and his life - warmer, more interesting and more varied. True spiritual friendship unites people, promoting in them the desire for edification, and not to destruction. In short, friendship is very important in our lives, but we, unfortunately, most of them do not take this into account. We do not realize that many of the problems that seem grandiose and frightening, easily can be solved if there is a reliable friend. And if between the spouses, but love, there is also friendship, any conflicts arising in a marriage can be easily eliminated.
So what is more important - love or friendship? Question completely incorrect, because speaking of the family, it is impossible to talk about one of these feelings, as they are strongly interrelated. Only if there is friendship, then there is true love. How can you honestly and truly love a person and do not understand it, do not support, do not be his friend? Of course not! Sometimes you can hear the phrase "I have his (her) do not understand! "But this phrase is just a set of words, because you can not understand a man who does not know that a stranger to you, and always loved understand.
How to learn to be friends for real? What is the psychology of these feelings? Should exist between relatives love or friendship, understanding and support?
The ability to make friends and love in a marriage
Many of us tend to think that for a happy marriage requires love. Meanwhile, it is not so. Love in its purest form - a sense of spontaneous, impulsive and uncontrolled. Often it is the love and the reason for all sorts of strife between spouses, and even cause the gap between them, if it is not backed up by real friendship. Why is that?
Because we are not able to control the outbreak of feelings, if they are based only on love. And love often leads to a state of passion and makes people unable to sanity. But when it is accompanied by friendship, the control is not only possible - it is happening at random, without any internal stress. For another, we usually indulgent, so many, in an exceptionally sharp romantic relationships, the corners are smoothed or even get round. Precisely because between loved ones, but a sense of passion and attraction to each other, there should be friendship, only if such feelings can be called true love.
The ability to make friends men and women, being loved - is not easy. But learn it if we want to be happy you need. Otherwise, we can not avoid quarrels and strife, the motive for which will, in essence, nothing. To become your favorite spouse or friends, they first need to educate themselves in the pursuit of voluntary self-sacrifice for the sake of their halves. Moral values of friendship, love, family generally involve the ability to self-sacrifice. However, we mostly seek to receive more than they give. This is a normal human condition, to change that, at first glance, it is difficult.
But this is only at first glance. Well, if the main part of us selfish, then, let us, for the sake of the family vodilas friendship will do for the sake of itself. And for that recall the boomerang effect and that all that we pay, then returned to us a hundredfold. So let your mate heat involved, caring and understanding, and ultimately get the same thing from him. Well, if you do not get, so the marriage was a mistake. And the heat, participation and care back to us through another person.
In general, the failure of the husband and wife to friendship is slowly but surely eroding the foundations of any marriage, even if it was created on the basis of sincere and deep love. The psychology of love and friendship, there is a difference. Overly loving people lose the ability to soberly assess their role in the family. They are in a state similar to the disease, most focused on each other and can not adequately perceive the reality. Spend my life in this state is impossible. Sooner or later it passes, and the empty space comes frustration and disappointment when people do not associate. The result - the alienation, loss of interest in family, relations, search for it on the side. Feelings of love and friendship intertwined in the ideal relationship of man and woman.
In families with the same signs of true friendship between husband and wife that situation almost impossible. In friendship there is no satiety. Conversely, over time it becomes stronger and more reliable. A marriage based on the long-term friendship is like oiled machine, running smoothly. Divorce for a family almost unreal - even if due to some reasons the couple and disperse in different directions, friendship unite them again. That is why we can not say which is more important - friendship or love. Love - is the fire, and friendship - a fuel that supports it and gives it to fade away.
To families vodilas friendship, people intending to create a marriage should be prepared for the fact that sooner or later the couple will show the dissimilarity of beliefs, habits, character. On this basis, there are many disputes and quarrels, which often lead to a complete collapse of marriage. But this is the trouble, anyway. So, marry, deliberately dooming themselves to trouble? Hardly anyone wants to. We all strive for peace and security of a family, and give them to us can only be true friendship. Druzhnye wife instinctively to give each other in everything, easy on the requirements of its halves, giving it a reflex. They live according to the moral values of the true friendship love family: mutual trust, the capacity for self-sacrifice, kindness.
In such a harmonious family is no question who the first will step to reconciliation after some contention. These contentions simply do not last long and are characterized by a certain game, so necessary in family relations. Therefore reconciliation after them is not a problem - he starts to put up, who is currently proved wise. Such a pair of self-sufficient, and everyone in it constantly feels the urgent need for another. This, of course, greatly reduces the cravings of the spouses to communicate with other people apart from each other. And what could be better than the desire to go home to your sweetheart, from anywhere, even a very attractive and interesting set of people?
Conclusion: for a good and strong marriage requires the friendship between husband and wife. We, unfortunately, creating a family, not only do not consider this fact - we totally reject, condemning thus themselves as themselves on the long torment of eternal family conflicts. In society there is a stereotype of the family in which the husband and wife, perhaps the first enemies. And each of them over the years all the time trying to prove something else, and everyone is wrong and everyone is unhappy. Divorce is almost no difference, because creating another family, the former husband and wife will automatically build relationships in accordance with the model of the same family.
Today's families are often based on the principle that anyone who under him podomnёt. "He (she) I will go to attention! "- Exclaim potential husband and wife in response to the question of how they are going to build family relationships. But we did not choose his wife villains, and a wife - on the heinous nature of the girls! Where the intention of becoming a cruel taskmaster, but not the true friend that can be trusted always and everywhere? After all, the old saying "A husband and wife - one of Satan" did not come out of nowhere. It is based on a century of experience and involves nothing more than as a strong and reliable friendship.
So no love without friendship in relationships can not be long, love, yes - but not love. Since love without friendship - it is like a man without hands. So let us learn how to be friends with their halves and let us create marriages that over the years, will become more and more strong and sincere feelings become the basic principles of family happiness.
We advise to check: is there a friendship between a man and a woman