- How to forgive betrayal and maintain the relationship
- Seek professional help
- Keep in touch with each other
Infidelity - a devastating blow to a healthy and strong, seemingly family. Yesterday you unconditionally believe that the road and the closest person one loves you, and today - the ground was slipping from under his feet, and do not know how to live and what to believe when opened treason. You feel betrayed, and a huge heartache breaks the heart.
Ruthless Statistics says that more than fifty percent of the spouses (as wives and husbands) at some point in time were the victims of infidelity of its second half. Most of the deceived husband thinks that it is impossible to heal a broken heart ever, and infidelity - a blow from which to recover is almost impossible. Indeed, psychologists say that infidelity is the most painful experience that can be acquired in marriage. Many marriages do not withstand such a test, and the couple divorced. Still, you should not take a hasty decision and a temper to apply for divorce. It would be better to give yourself some time to cool down, then calmly think about how to forgive her husband's infidelity and keep the family together.
How to forgive betrayal and maintain the relationship
Healing the cracks in the relationship and the liquidation of the consequences of this betrayal takes time and patience, but if both partners want to keep the family together, the restoration of normal relations possible. It's hard to believe, but you might even be happy again, sometimes even stronger than before! Provided that - from the beginning of the recovery period you will always remember that you need to enlist the support of your assistants: Forgiveness, understanding, patience, compassion and love.
Of course, opened immediately after the betrayal is very difficult to cope with emotions, gather your thoughts, decide what to do next. We will try to help and stages describe the actions that you should take.
Before making any decisions, try to understand exactly what happened and whether it is possible to forgive betrayal to your husband. It would be best if you short period of time - from several hours to several days - spend away from each other. Do not start to sort things out immediately - when passions are, the situation is very unfavorable for a constructive conversation. And you'd better talk calmly, without hostility and accusations. Retire, think calmly evaluate your relationship. It may be a good opportunity to think about their mistakes and not just to focus the blame on his wife. Use this opportunity to note for yourself what it is you would like to improve in their marriage - instead of focusing on some issues.
Talk to each other
Once you've recovered from the initial shock, most likely, you will want to try to overcome the situation. This is reasonable; worth the effort and start to rebuild your marriage. First, where to start - talk to your spouse about marriage. Ask yourself - why you should save your marriage, what goals you will put in front of him, still remain a couple? Hold your attention on what could serve as your separation, and think that will help you pass along the way to reconciliation and the restoration of their former relationship. Sincerity and honesty, repentance and forgiveness will help you in this. Moreover, the main attention should be paid not some details of adultery, and that was your marriage, which could push the current course of events. After all, in addition to physical infidelity there is still a spiritual treason, but with its causes and we need to understand first.
Of course, not easy to talk with her husband about the details of his infidelity, but it is important to truly understand why it happened
. Give your spouse a chance to talk about their feelings and motives, listen to him quietly, without accusations and hasty conclusions
. It is very important that you stay calm during this difficult conversation
. If you are angry, take the position of the court prosecutor, your spouse will take a defensive position and can not be honest to the end
. Better to just tell a spouse that makes you feel his betrayal
. It often happens that a man does not even know that hurt you
. Features psyche man is such that he could have an affair on the side, even while continuing to love his wife
. The reasons may be different - maybe he lacks sexual satisfaction, maybe he's trying to make sure that is not yet old and attractive, and maybe just the circumstances, he could not resist ...
Take responsibility for your mistakes. If it turns out that her husband was looking on the side of what you nedodali it - to confess. Every action of yours, which could push her husband to treason, and imposes upon you the responsibility for what happened. You should apologize to each other for their mistakes. Yes, and you too should apologize! Even though it is very difficult in such a situation, but it is essential to restore the bonds of your marriage.
Forgiveness - the next step towards the restoration of your relationship. This phase can be the most difficult, because you will not interfere with a sense of pride. Until now, you've had to think about whether you value your relationship with your spouse, or you just cling to the illusion of a happy marriage. If you realize that still love each other, then the pride of not talking. Rather, it tells you in your pain. But if you can forgive, you are the surest way to show your love to her husband, which he most likely did not have before. Forgiveness will play a crucial role in the final reconciliation, it will help to overcome adversity and to strengthen your marriage.
In fact, it may take some time before you feel that you have forgiven her husband completely. To help yourself, try changing your emotions and your eyes on the incident. Think of yourself not as a victim of the catastrophe, but as a survivor in the crash. Does not impose any requirements to the spouse, do not think of it as my debtor. Enjoy it for what it is, and do not expect it to become what you want it to. Remind yourself that you have to live in reality and not in anticipation. Decide for yourself what you are willing to forgive infidelity and move on. To be more convincing, say aloud a phrase that you finally forgive her husband. Do it - truly forgive and let yourself be happy again!
You both need to forgive each other. After all, most of treason are guilty of it, both. Just do not try to find out who is to blame more, do not blame each other. Restore confidence and warmth of relations is possible only under the condition that the past remain in the past. Never use in the future, a reminder of her husband's infidelity as a sort of lever to put pressure on him, do not try to call a spouse constant feeling of guilt. It only embitter him. No one is saying that it will be easy to forget the betrayal; it will take time, but not only. Since forgive infidelity? It will take some effort on your part. No matter how much time you need, forgiveness should be one of the most important goals for you. And the stronger and healthier your relationship will become, the easier it will be to forgive infidelity.
If you stand at the beginning of this stage of reconciliation, you must be aware of: a sincere forgiveness changed the spouse and open, active communication with him will help prevent future infidelity.
Seek professional help
Forgiving infidelity is not easy; but! - It is possible to forgive everything, but not everything is forgotten. Many couples who have passed through the test of betrayal, psychologists recognized that the memories of the shock still haunts them. Even decades later.
To this will not happen with you in the most difficult time for yourself find someone with whom you could share my soul and who could give you good advice. This can be a priest, a good friend or a wise and just wishing us good parents. They will help you both to survive the bitter events and support in the process of "recovery." A man who got into a difficult situation, it is important to understanding and compassion. But the right will appeal even to the expert - psychologist, counselor of family and marriage. He can be contact, both individually and together with her husband. After all, both husband and wife in this period experiencing strong emotions - anger, resentment, embarrassment, regret, loss of self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
The specialist will be able to provide an unbiased look at your problem, you need to generate the right direction in restoring your marriage. The psychologist will try to help both of you understand that your marriage went wrong, and why there was a betrayal of what steps to take to solve your problems. You may need largely redefine their relationship, and the psychologist will provide you with the essential help. Although many people tend to reject the idea of counseling, it is really an important step in rebuilding your marriage after infidelity. This not only proves that both of you are willing to work together on their own mistakes, but also helps to truly forgive infidelity and erase it from his memory.
You have to go with the next important stage - the restoration of trust in each other. Distrust, corrosive your relationship may become the biggest obstacle to the recovery of your happy marriage. As a rule, a consultant on family and marriage, and you can help. But only on the condition that you will both be honest, especially to each other. Each of the spouses may be individual rate in forward motion; important that both moving in the same direction.
Until recently you seemed incredibly difficult to decide whether you can forgive the betrayal of your prodigal husband. But you decided to forgive and begin to restore the old relationship. Start living a normal married life. Prepare breakfast, fed, carried out on the job, and ... Admit it, because you continue to torment the question - where is he now? What makes talking to someone? Why the evening from work was delayed, even if only for fifteen minutes? Who sent the message to him there? Who is talking on the phone?
It turns out even harder to regain its former confidence! The worm of doubt sharpens your soul, and you can understand. Your spouse needs to know how you feel after his infidelity. This does not mean that you have to suffer significant warning to erring husband. You should talk to him, talk about their anguish. If you hide your emotions, you run the risk of further fractures confidence to turn into a wide chasm between you. Honesty and openness could now be painful, but the invisibility will play with you a malicious joke.
The most important thing that is required of changed the spouse - a complete rejection of any relationship was with his mistress. Without this, to restore confidence between the spouses will be impossible. While there are any doubts, resentment will continue to sprout in your soul. Your spouse needs to know and understand it. Therefore, he should not save with his passion even just friendship. Maybe you should agree that for some time he will try to keep you informed of all their movements, would be more likely to call you. He should be honest and entirely open in front of you. Discuss with your spouse, what else could you do to ensure that you can strengthen your confidence that communication between the former lovers completely stopped.
Trust is the foundation of any stable and healthy marriage. Therefore, it is essential to restore confidence, and both of you should make every effort to this.
Do not remind of treason
After you forgive your partner, it is important to resist the temptation to constantly remind her husband about his fault, I do not blame him at the slightest opportunity. As soon as you have forgiven him, just leave the fact of change in the past. You will never forget what happened, but it will be easier if you do not recall this spouse. The more days pass, the closer you are to each other, and the farther away from you is your past. Know that there is nothing shattering for happy marital relationship than the constant reminder of the mistakes made in the past.
Please be patient
To move forward in this difficult period of life you need time, understanding and patience. Never lose hope and keep in mind that for the family worth fighting for. Do not listen to any "good" advice about divorce, better look for ways to gain strength for the restoration of peace and harmony in your marriage.
Restore previous sexual relationship between you - it is not a very easy experience. Infidelity has such a devastating effect on the human ego that has changed, that the restoration of the former passion becomes a complex process for both partners. How to start a movement of your relationship in the right direction? Here you can also help expert advice. The main thing that you have to do - is to have patience. And you, and especially your spouse. He has understanding and patience to treat certain stiffness that can you be in bed.
Think about the good qualities of the spouse
Try to pay attention to the best qualities of the spouse. This will help you to significantly reduce the power of insults at him. Try every day for something to praise her husband or tell him what you love. It may sound like this: "You prepare a delicious dinner," or "You are a wonderful father! ". This will help you think about what you like about your spouse, will focus on his best qualities. And my husband will see that you do not hold the stone in his bosom, and will try to justify your trust. This behavior will remind you both why you want to save your marriage.
Keep in touch with each other
Try to communicate more often, spend free time together. This will help you regain emotional connection with each other. During this dialogue, you can focus on each other again to see each other that once made you fall in love with both. Try often do together what gives both of you pleasure. This can be a joint evening walks that you abandoned due to lack of time, eternal, or Sunday outing on the nature or evening meetings over a chessboard, which has long been gathering dust on the shelf farthest. Think of all the things that used to love to do together. Most joke and laugh - laughter has always been the best cure for all emotional wounds.
Do everything you can to restore strong emotional connection with your spouse. Keep openness in your relationship. Convince husband that now he must fully protect ourselves from anything that could somehow negate all your efforts to restore the former relations. And above all - no external reminders about what happened. No contacts, calls, even fleeting encounters with a former mistress!
If possible, spend a holiday together, or at least the weekend somewhere away from home. Get away from all stimuli, whether domestic problems or questions about the work. Just relax and Stay together. It will help to remember how well you along.
Everything will be fine, if you want it!
Finally - learn to manage their emotions so they do not control you. Be strong and keep your head held high! Do not lose faith, love and hope, because without them does not achieve in this world. You - a happy woman because your husband loves you for real. Otherwise, why would he just stayed with you? It may seem incredible, but very often a betrayal promotes marriage in times! In no case do not encourage adultery; we just want to say that every difficulty makes us stronger. As for the grief that you have to experience ... Remember what was written on the ring known for his wisdom, King Solomon? "And this too shall pass! ".