If you have an adult son, one day there will be a moment - and maybe you have it already arrived! - When it will completely foreign to you a girl and say, "Mom, I love it, love it and you! "Whether you like it or not, when your son marries, his new family will be a part of your own family and your daughter-in - if you're lucky! - Become a close friend. However, do not rely on luck - you are much wiser than this girl, you and the cards in your hand! Good in-law - a vocation of any loving mother of his son. Your son loves his wife, then you should try to fall in love with her.
What we must remember, acquiring a new status
Monster-in-law have always been a source of jokes and anecdotes
. But, of course, not all are really the monster-in-law, and you also surely do not want to be like the heroine of a joke
. And how to be a good mother in law? Before beginning to present any recommendations, we would like to encourage you to think about his own mother in law
. Have your relationships-in-law from the outset good, or something initially developed not quite smoothly? After analyzing it now, you can benefit from your relationship some lessons for yourself
. Was everything the way you would have liked? Try to put yourself in the place of your daughter - what is it with you now? Do you think you do not repeat any mistakes her mother in law? In building their relationship with the new family member, you have to remember the "Golden Rule of morality," which states: "Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you"
Remembering the Golden Rule, you can never go wrong. Just admit to yourself that your sister in law - a person with their own interests, the inner world, habits and culture. She had her own life experience, which will never have (and it does not matter that her life experience is too small!), And she certainly knows some things that you would never know you will not. She's just like you, have their own point of view on many things, and do not hesitate - if you want to insist on his point of view, in nine cases out of ten the daughter, too, will defend its position.
You have to understand - you do not mother of the girl, and she is not your child; you should resist the temptation to act like a mother. Does your daughter have my own mother, nearer and dearer to her that there is no one. But if you behave wisely, then over time you will develop at almost the same warm and close relationship, and your daughter-in will treat you as his second mother. And you will still save the Son and truly beloved daughter!
Control your attitude to young
Try from the start to build a relationship with the daughter on mutual respect, treat it with love and care. Forget about any criticism and condemnation.
Some in-laws have a bad habit of thinking of their sons as a perpetual child
. Do not be like them; your son has grown up, and he stuck to live his mind
. Remember that your son has chosen his wife, as well as once you have chosen your husband
. As a mother you must do everything possible so that your son and his wife have lived a long and happy married life
. And the first thing you need to do - move to the side, allowing them to live their lives
. For them it though and happy, but at the same time and a difficult time, because they need to adapt to each other and to gain experience of living together
. Maybe something they did not immediately will develop and getting something and the daughter will probably be wrong
. And if you ever feel tempted to criticize or bone popromyvat his daughter, try to imagine that this was not a stranger to you is a girl, and a close friend
. After all, she would be so, let us hope! And real friends treat each other with kindness and respect, despite differences
. And support each other in case of need
The main features of the "right" in-law
Being a good mother-and easy and difficult. We want to give basic guidelines that will help you not to lose the way of building a good relationship with a young daughter. What should I do to have it developed warm relations? How to become a best-in-law, sister in law to sincerely thought you were my second mother?
Treat your daughter as if she were your own daughter. Most importantly - from the start to treat daughter as a family member. This will help you both to communicate with each other, give your daughter a sense of confidence and security. When the son and his wife come to you, talk to her like would speak with his daughter, who recently got married. Get support for her, help her, if necessary, by word or deed.
Get warmth: hug her, Seat of a better place; Show that you are glad to see her. Remember - it is now your daughter and do everything possible to treat it as such.
Ask her opinion: we are never too old to learn something new. She will appreciate the fact that you refer to her for advice, and be happy when you can learn something. Most ask her opinion on various issues, and emphasizes that you appreciate her advice. Turning to her with questions, you will not only show their trust, but also be able to learn faster and better than his daughter.
Talk to her: often try to talk to her face to face, as appropriate. Retire to "whisper" about his, about women. Talk about the difficulties that she might experience, try to give her some good advice. If there was a conflict between the young, show-law, you are taking her side. Do not try by all means to justify his son, especially if it is really to blame. Do not be afraid to be too kind and gentle - you do not think that you can only respect a man because he is too strict and demanding? You see, a good man and love will be respected; and the one whom fear, honor will not. Mutual respect, kindness, love and compassion can help you build a harmonious relationship with your daughter.
Do not hurry with the advice: remember that unsolicited advice will never be useful and may even be regarded as criticism. So take your time with tips, even if the young clearly doing something wrong. It can be difficult, but it will be correct. Help them if they can not do something on their own, and try to be benevolent, if they are doing something differently. Be helpful to them, but do not press and do not need to make it all as it seems right to you. Do not deprive their children of the opportunity acquire their own experience. Consult only when you request it. And even if they ask for your opinion, be considerate - do not preach and not to lecture. Instead, just offer a solution, giving the young freedom to accept or reject it.
Do not taunt-law and do not criticize her, do not try to compete with the daughter of love and attention to your son. Never criticize a daughter to his son. It probably will not like it, and you will not only be able to establish relations with the daughter, and with her son relationship soured. Avoid backbiting; do not forget that with the advent of the bride you've got the chance to buy a close friend.
Do not look for flaws is better looking in daughter-esteem. Nobody is perfect, and it was impossible to marry your son perfect woman. Angels do not walk the earth!
Have mercy on her feelings: try not to upset daughter showing an interest only in the welfare of her son and grandchildren. Try to show interest in her feelings, worries about her well-being as well as worried about his son and grandson. Try to give it the same attention and make her feel loved and desired in your house. You should consider it as an individual, with its own character, their feelings. Ability to emphasize her role as wife and mother in the welfare of the family will make you as a mother-in-honor.
Be a good listener: sometimes the ability to listen is a major factor in establishing cordial relations between daughter and mother. It may be that your daughter is not one to talk about some of the problems. His mother says she is not about some family troubles, because he did not want to blame that his son-in discussion of problems with her husband leads to a quarrel; with whom to talk to her? Believe me, it will be eternally grateful to you if you will listen to it and will prompt an acceptable way, without giving their assessments and not taking sides. You have to realize that a lot of youth think your children are too complex and intractable, and often their emotions dominate over logic. And when emotions overflow, it is important to have someone you listened carefully.
Remind your son about responsibility: he must not forget to help your wife with household chores. Explain to him why his wife is tired when she "sits" at home with young children. Most men do not understand how much work time to make his wife during his absence, as homework as it is not visible. Especially when the house in order.
Does not control: often problems between the daughter-in-law and the start because of the excessive control of the mother that all possible is done for the welfare of her son. In this situation, the young wife sees in-law or a possible threat to the enemy. Any in-law, controlling the life of his child (who has grown up and even married), he deceives itself, trying to remain the most important person in the life of his son. In addition, it deprives itself of the opportunity to maintain good relations with the daughter.
Acknowledge her right to be different from you: your sister in law is likely to think and act differently, not like you. If it bothers you ... just smile and forget about it! Do not try to dictate how things should be done. Finally, small parts are not important. Do not allow them to cause tension between you.
Empathy and love: their love openly, to cause reciprocal love. Tolerance and mutual respect are always the basis for a stable and viable relationship in which the reigning understanding and true love. Daughter constantly provides support, bearing in mind, as you once were in need of such support from his mother in law.
Justify the trust: never not tell anyone what you have entrusted a secret son and daughter in law. Even your friends or other relatives. You can lose confidence and it will be true.
Summing up the above, we formulate the rules for the in-laws. Strictly following these basic rules, a good mother in law will easily find common language with the daughter, and a son will preserve warm relations.
11 Commandments of the present-in-law
Do not expect instant love. In order to appear in the relationship of heat required time.
Do not expect and did not insist that the daughter immediately began to call you "Mom". Perhaps she will feel comfortable calling you by name. Try to gracefully take a decision on this without creating a special problem.
Do not treat your daughter as a rival, you stole the love of your child. Kindly accept additions to your family; Multiply love, and do not share it.
Do not expect that the couple will live by your standards and values. They formed a new family, and the need to develop their own family values and traditions.
Do not insist that your son gave you a lot of attention as well as to the marriage. Now he has his own family, and she should be with him in the foreground.
Never give unsolicited advice. Advise only if you are asked. This answer only the question without affecting the other.
Come to visit the youngest only when you are invited. If the young are living with you, show respect for the private life of a young couple. Do not impose them their fellowship.
Never did complain about her daughter. Yes, and his daughter did not show any claims. Best-in-law, if they have any problems with the daughter, usually a good think before you say something to her directly. A very good and clever in-law and generally keep their mouths shut!
Treat your daughter, as her own daughter. Feeling your warmth and kindness, she will treat you like a second mother.
Resist the urge to decide for young challenges they may face. Here it may be useful your advice. Suggest a way out, tell me how to act. If you act for yourself, you are encouraged to become dependent on you young.
Live your full life. The young will build their own family, gain their own experience. Seeing that your life is filled with a variety of things and events, the young couple she will seek to communicate with you. And you will be able to enjoy life without narrowing its field of interest to the problems of young families.
And to complete the list of commandments for her mother in law, we have to say, even when you become a happy grandmother, remember - the title does not give you a license for violation of any of the eleven points!
Manifested in-law wisdom, tolerance and kindness can help establish a good relationship daughter-in-law, she will be sincerely considered his second mother. Well, if the person really well, did not meet your standards, and you simply will not be able to apply against the wife of his son all that we will offer you higher, we still have one piece of advice. Remember, this is not your life, and the life of your child. Respect his privacy and did not prevent him from being happy!