The causes of the crisis three years in a relationship
Work on the relationship or divorce?
How to overcome a family crisis
Most recently you have lived in love and harmony, could not "breathe" at each other, and now quarrel almost every day? My husband has changed a lot and has ceased to be like the man for whom you were married a few years ago? It took only three years after her marriage, and your marriage is literally bursting at the seams, and you do not know whether to go on living together? Well, your situation is quite natural. If after a few years after the start of family life, you grab his head and did not know how to bring back peace and quiet of your home - most likely in your relationship has come a family crisis three years.
The three-year crisis are very broad: sociologists and psychologists believe that the first serious problems in the young family begins after 3-5 years after the wedding. Someone finds the strength to overcome this crisis, and someone pulled hard not withstand troubles and filed for divorce. As this takes place after three years of the start of family life, why there is a crisis, and how to fight it?
The causes of the crisis three years in a relationship
Listening parting relatives at the wedding that you are willing to learn to overcome difficulties in family life, you just mysteriously smiled and nodded wearily. Like, you know something that everyone in your family will be different, and there is no crisis or divorce does not threaten you - because you love each other! But after a few years, and you realize with horror that did not know her husband, instead of loving, attentive and affectionate man you see every night irritable, cranky person ever. You constant scandals because of nonsense, mutual resentment grow like a snowball, and even sex after an argument no longer save the situation. Why is it that causes drift apart like loving people?
And the answer is quite simple. In just a few years of marriage, husband and wife begin to simply annoy each other. Candy buketny period far behind in relationships gone romantic and enthusiastic, now husband and wife see each other in a different light. And if still in the first and second year, the couple tried to please one another, to please, then over time they have ceased to pose as a perfect couple. All the bad habits, ugly character traits emerge outside, and young people appear before each other in perspective - so what they really are. With his views on life and "cockroaches" in the head. It seems that love has passed and there is no more reason to live on.
Love - it's a wonderful feeling, but scientists long ago proved that it is caused by certain chemical reactions in the brain. It is believed that love is divided into three stages: the sex drive, romantic love and stable relationships. With the first two everything is clear, it is thanks to them that people fall in love and are joined in marriage. But, the commercials 2-3 (all different) after the beginning of a joint life must come the third stage, and that's about it-and "stumbles" a lot of young couples. It was during this period begins the so-called family "crisis of three years."
In a state of romantic love, we tend to idealize each other without noticing flaws or considering them nice and funny. But the years pass, and the "happy hormones" calm, with our eyes scales fall, and we see each other in a true light. What seemed sweet and inconsequential before, starts to irritate and cause resentment, and the desire to rebuild the partner will, as a rule, does not bring success.
Moreover, the sex life partners over time becomes more fresh, because the young couple gradually learned each other in bed. Fewer experiments, new poses and role-playing games - it is just not enough time nor the desire. Work, study, daily problems takes too much energy to lash out at each other immediately on arrival home. If 2-3 years ago the couple had sex almost every day, but now it happens less and less. There comes a real crisis of sexual relations, and dissatisfaction, as a rule, results in new quarrels and scandals.
Another major reason for the crisis of three years of marriage is the birth of a child
. As a rule, after 2-3 years after the wedding, the young couple have children, and their lives change radically
. Now young mom all the time devotes only child, she had virtually no opportunity to bestow kindness and affection of her husband in the same way as before
. Sleepless nights, the baby cries and perpetual lack of sleep did not give her physical ability to communicate with a man so eager for her attention
. And the husband at first just feels not involved in the life of a baby - well, he does not have breast milk to feel a special bond with your baby and to be the main person in his life! A change diapers, to walk in the evening and wake up every night in a baby cot often prevents fatigue
. After all, now his wife on maternity leave and not working, and he had to support a family of three people! Otherwise, in addition to psychological crisis and the crisis of the family to visit the financial
That's just the wife never tires of blame favorite of callousness and indifference towards the child. Like, no feed or change clothes, he was not able to. Abruptly, he says, at home, like a squirrel in a cage, and he is resting on his work, talking with friends, but at home a finger does not want to hit. Yes, and in the bed a mess turns out. Many young moms fit to sleep with their babies, sending legal husband "rest" on the couch or in another room, "not to interfere". Some women go so far that they no longer understand, in principle, possible to exchange sleep with your baby, so delicious-smelling and fresh milk, sleep with a tired husband. Months pass, year and husband, and will not be returned to its rightful marriage bed. As a result - the couple away from each other more and are even beginning to think about divorce.
Of course, not only to blame for the crisis, the wife after the birth of the child. Very often, men can not forgive their wives, that attention to the baby taken away from their "fair share" affection and attention. And that after the birth of a child changes life spouses - either you take a walk or go to a nightclub or gatherings for friends - and at demoralizing the young parents. And they quarrel, quarrel, not realizing that all their problems are solved - just need to be able to understand and agree with each other.
Work on the relationship or divorce?
Unfortunately, over 37% of Russian marriages break up within 3-4 years after the beginning of their life together. All of us - men and women - have our own idea of what should be a real family. And, unfortunately, imagining an ideal relationship, we are clearly aware of just what should receive from her husband: attention, care, support and love. And when you do not get the blame for it and begin to consider their marriage a mistake. And the fact that we ourselves have to do something to put into the relationship, somehow do not think, considering that the very fact of our existence with a man in "a plane" - is already sufficient gift for him.
Once an old, wise teacher, she gathered around her girls-graduates and asked them one question: "How do you want to see your future husband? ". The answer came abound: smart, handsome, generous, kind, rich, fun. And then she asked another question: "What exactly are you willing to do to make it so it was? ". That's the question no one schoolgirl could not answer, because such thoughts never crossed their minds. We women - queens and princesses, and that for us men need to do things to improve and delight us every minute. So we believe. Unfortunately, in real life it does not happen.
The fact that relationships between men and women requires constant work - well-known fact. Only the fact remains many empty words, and as soon as there comes a serious family crisis, both spouses often throw up their hands and are the only way out of this situation - divorce. But there are no perfect people, we all are changing throughout life. Pass the year, we are new advantages and disadvantages, and there is nothing you can do about it. The main thing - remember that a happy and successful marriage is one where there is no problem (even in such tales do not happen), but one where people know how to solve them. And once you have chosen each other among the hundreds of thousands of other men and women, then perhaps your relationship is worth it to fight for them. And what - we will tell you now.
How to overcome a family crisis
Sometimes a woman is very annoying in the behavior of men such things as spreading socks and failure to fill for a bed. She begins to lecture him and try to accustom to the order, which, however, quite rightly. Only the most true cause of his discontent man lies in something else - there is a problem, who do not want to voice any one partner. Perhaps you have ceased to arrange sex life, and perhaps blame - worsening financial situation in the family. Anyway, you should seriously delve into the causes and consequences of their discontent, and the best way to do this - to discuss the problems aloud. As soon as you stop hush intimate and other serious problems, the case would move forward.
It must be remembered that different from us men, women, and talk with them roundabout - only time to lose. Speculations about what you expect from him care and love, only confuse him, because he probably thinks hard enough and so loves you. We must speak frankly and openly about what you expect from her husband every night make the trash once a week to help prepare dinner on the weekend to go to the movies, etc. Such items will shape your requirements more rational in his head rather than abstract requirements.
Despite the fact that you live in a marriage for several years and romantic somehow vanished in your relationship, all can be corrected. Forget about everyday troubles and problems at work and quarrels, and arrange a surprise for a loved one. This can be a romantic dinner by candlelight, a new sexy underwear, touching gift. Show husband that, despite 3 years, lived together, you love it as much as the wedding day. Perhaps then he will remember that you are not just a contentious woman with a bunch of claims and the beloved, of which he dreamed, and which sought. The crisis of three years - it's not a disaster, but the possibility of the spouses to prove that they are not in vain apply to the registrar.
If the crisis in the family came after the birth of a child, think about this: the children eventually grow up and flutter from the nest, and her husband - this is the person with whom you have to while away the remaining years of his life. And only it depends on you whether the years are filled with understanding and love or tired irritation. Nobody does not detract from the value and the importance of the birth of the baby, but you need to find time to communicate with her husband, otherwise the crisis drags on. Children are different: capricious, calm, temperament and melancholy. However, the overall quality has absolutely all children: sometimes they sleep. At this time, you can afford to have sex, talk, drink tea, finally. You can somehow much love a child, but her husband is to be sure that you love him no less!
Do not refuse the help of grandparents, if they are willing to sit down with the child. This will help you to reduce the crisis to a minimum. Free from the cares of the baby hours you can devote to each other and have a good rest. Remember that the child will be happy if next to him will be happy, loving each other's parents. But if you constantly suffer, shedding tears because of the callousness and the wife reproaching husband in countless errors, such emotional background will affect the baby's not the best way.
Of course, my husband would have to take an active part in the care of the child, but sometimes men are missing out on it neither the strength nor the time. Working for two, a husband is not always able to get up at night and calm the baby or to go with him in the evening on a two-hour walk. Unlike you, he will not be able to take a nap a couple of hours at work and do not sleep day and night in order to prove his love to you - unwise decision.
Moreover, try to arrange his men leisure after work - give him the opportunity to be alone with their hobby or passion. For him, it is very important to have a private space in the house, where he can take a break from the problems of surging. Few of the men under the age of 40 years is able to recognize his paternity of the child shortly after birth; they usually begin to love to tinker with children aged 2-3 years old, when they already behave more intelligently. In the meantime, let alone a child he was doing 15 minutes a day, but sincerely and with love than you are forced to make him sit up and take care of the baby for several hours a day during the first year.
And the fact that women are literally thrown out the men from the marital bed after giving birth - generally a separate conversation. Some of them sleep with their kids up to 5-6 years, it is forgotten that physical proximity - one of the most important components in a relationship with her husband. They themselves are pushing their men to change, because they feel at home, they are not wanted. As a result of such a crisis becomes a "beginning of the end" - how old is your husband sexually stand alone? Year? Two years?
And note, rare sexual contact during the day - not in the bill. When her husband was sleeping with his wife, between them formed a special bond that can overcome all obstacles and tribulations of family life. A man needs to feel your breath, the beating of your heart, it must be adjusted to your biorhythms and hug you every night - then no crisis can destroy your family life.
Family crisis of three years - the phenomenon is quite natural. As days, months, years - and of the young, romantically minded lovers turn into ordinary people with very pragmatic earth outlook on life. To the crisis did not destroy your family home, you need to accept each other for what you are, and openly negotiate problems. Remember that even some couple of years ago, you went mad with joy at the thought that all my life spend with this person. Is love dried up? Maybe love is not gone, but the desire to work on the relationship? If you cherish your man and try to resolve any family conflicts, no crisis will not prevent you from living with her husband happily.
We strongly recommend to read: How to survive the crisis with her husband