Stormy jealousy commits more crimes than greed and ambition. (Voltaire)
What is jealousy? It would seem that the answer is simple: the feeling of ownership of the person in relation to the object of his love. Jealous young schoolgirl to a neighbor's party, to look at the girl on the other hand; guys are jealous of her friends, is at the center of attention of other young people; jealous wives their husbands, who was arrested at the next meeting. In short, jealousy - the phenomenon is quite commonplace, and it is little surprise no one calls. But psychologists around the world assert that jealousy - a sense of devastating that it can ruin even the best, the brightest relationship. Jealous show aggression, engaged in physical abuse, and even commit murder.
As it turns out, millions of people around the world voluntarily doom themselves to a devastating feeling of jealousy? Scientists invent the most complex vaccine against diseases that people suffer and struggle with jealousy for no finger I am still not moved? However, it does not seem that jealousy - a virus resistant to treatment. Unfortunately, in any pharmacy no magic pills anguish, suspicion and other suffering associated with jealousy, and unlikely to appear. Because all the negative reactions coming from jealous people who depend only on themselves and no medicine is not able to change that. So what kind of a beast, jealousy, and why we suffer from it so often?
What jealousy indeed
About jealousy to say when it comes to a love triangle. And how could it be otherwise? My husband's mistress appeared, she flirts with the neighbor's wife did not come home at night. And so on and so forth…. How does jealousy from people loving couples where one partner suspects the other of infidelity? The screams, scandals, threats, breaking dishes, and sometimes physical abuse. And no one sees nothing strange in this, they say, the people something they are good, but jealousy causes them to commit these ugly deeds!
But jealousy is a completely different character can be jealous of others' success, other people's money, other people's happiness. These feelings are akin to the usual envy, but the only difference is still there: the envious be satisfied with the fact that someone will disappear the object of his envy, jealous wants to possess the object of his lust alone. Only about such ardent feelings is somehow not customary to speak out loud, it does not paint this person. Well, imagine: coming to you any loser and makes claims about what you're prettier, smarter, sexier. Your reaction? Yes, you just turn away from the strange girl and twist a finger at his temple. Like, what's stopping you some work to do on yourself and achieve the same results?
But if you are jealous of her boyfriend, then nobody will be surprised that you are ready to scratch his eyes out and say what you think about him and his relatives up to the seventh generation. Perhaps such behavior and do not approve of, but strange as it may seem no one, that's for sure! What can you do, so it is accepted in the world of men, jealousy - the constant companion of all love relationships. It is believed that in most cases people simply can not do otherwise, because we are so constituted. Although at times about this "device" raises a number of questions.
To begin with let's forget about the people and talk about our smaller brothers. Scientists have concluded that certain types of animals as well as ours, produced the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for the need for love and long-term partnership. And the manifestation of jealousy among small animals - is no exception. So, imagine: sitting on the grass couple settled gibbons (monkeys are) - male and female. Suddenly a female drove another male with the most that neither is sexual purposes. What will our "spouse" -gibbon, as shown by his jealousy? Ogreet opponent with a stick on the head, porychit, pohripit pursuit, and subsides. He returns to his beloved, calm down and will continue to protect it. Because the jealousy and all the negative emotions associated with it, are not aimed at the object of his love, and brazen primate craving to destroy the family happiness.
And what happens in humans? What makes jealousy with objects of our love? We are constantly tormented their favorite unfounded suspicions, reproaches existent infidelity and fluttering nerves in absolutely frivolous reasons! And, seemingly, what could be simpler: fending off an opponent, real or imaginary, far away, and went on to enjoy a family idyll. A man - what's his need to love and to cherish, not to veer constant scandals yes hourly checks. Then jealousy seem not universal evil, a way to keep a loving relationship. But to do so in practice can only units, and public opinion considers their time for the category of people nerevnivy. For they are not satisfied with quarrels and recriminations do not make your soul mate.
Why is it so difficult to stay loyal to the object of his love, why do not we transfer the backlash against potential rivals? Yes, because it is abhorrent to the norms of public morality. For the fact that you go and vyderete hair pretty co-worker of her husband, no you did not pat on the head - shook his head yes called hysterical. And no jealousy will not excuse your "heroic" act. But for home disassembly with tantrums and smashing crockery that you arrange at fault (real or imagined) spouse, you will not condemn. Because-and jealous husbands beating their wives unhappy how much in vain, for "eat" last nerves spouses jealous woman. After all, so they make it easy to own suffering, "let off steam" and settle down for a short while.
It turns out some impasse: to act as our friend gibbon, chasing the opponent's stick, we can not, and rip on your loved one - seems to be too ugly. But this zeal - no matter what it is, justified or not - it's very similar to the usual annoyance, when you understand everything, but nothing to do with their emotions can not. It's like standing in a traffic jam at rush hour: you really want to go, but the circumstances do not allow you to move in the right direction, though you cry! Realizing the futility of increasing aggression, we simply suppress it, which could result in irritation.
So what is jealousy? It turns out that it is only suppressed anger, you splash out on the most affordable for you object - namely a loved one. And the degree of jealousy depends on how much you are able to keep negative emotions in relation to the opponent or the opponent. The rest goes to the person you are, in theory, should protect and defend from the "external threat".
How to overcome his jealousy
Sometimes jealousy takes quite bizarre turns. Most people carry their anger at a loved one just because they feel unable to compete against their rivals. Unemployed lazybones much easier to arrange a "dressing" of his working wife, because he was worth to rise to the level of rival boss is clearly not enough. Unkempt, untidy wife easily and make trouble with her husband about his interested gaze at other women. And none of these can not be jealous, but that probably more true - does not want to rise to the level of those of their competition.
Hence the rule to combat their own zeal №1: raise your own self-esteem and try to be as good or even better than those who can compete with you in romantic relationships. As long as you do not feel their competitiveness, jealousy, and a burning irritation will continue to haunt you. And becoming better, you simply cease to be afraid that your loved one will turn his attention to someone less worthy than you.
There is a way to combat №2 unbearable, exhausting soul jealousy. Since it is impossible to take the heavier the pan, and using a direct blow to splash out their aggression on the opponent, then try a more prudent approach. Why, instead of yelling at him, his mouth spasmodically after work and check contents of his pockets, not mentally present massacre of their true object of irritation? In your imagination you can as much as necessary to make trouble with the competitor, to convict her of all mortal sins, and even pulled out one by one all of her skinny volosenki. In reality, much harm will not bring it to anyone, but your jealousy and unwarranted aggression will be suppressed on the vine, and you will no longer own hands to destroy the family happiness.
Of course, both these methods are not 100% guarantee of getting rid of jealousy. But, you see, it's worth it. As they say, in war and in love all good. It is possible that your level of aggression will drop to zero and you will finally begin to live happy, relaxed family life. Because jealousy - not just a sense of ownership in relation to the partner, but also the inability to correctly set accents in an attempt to rid himself of rivals. Once your partner will love stronger than the fear of losing it, all your jealousy and unpleasant things, connected with it, will cease to torment you both.
We strongly recommend to read: How to overcome jealousy