Model the behavior of women opting for dependent relationship
Why is this happening?
Breaking the vicious circle of dependence
Useful psychological exercises
To achieve harmony in their personal lives dream of all. It is so great when you have a loved one who shares all your joys and sorrows! Unfortunately, there are situations where love is hiding under the guise of psychological dependence on men. And then you get into a vicious circle from which it is very difficult to get out. Like any other, a love relationship sucks all the energy out of the man, giving the illusion of happiness instead of short term. How to fight it?
Symptoms of love addiction
It is important to separate the two concepts - love and dependence. General state of love described by psychiatrists as pathological euphoria, obsessive thoughts and actions impossible to think about anything other than the object of the senses. About Love written many songs in which everything is reflected. But where there is a fine line between normality and pathology? We have compiled a list of symptoms that can help you "diagnose" their relations.
The importance of other spheres of life plummets. This is typical of any relationship: a man accustomed to receive positive energy from a single source, respectively, of interest to other things disappear. Just like a drug addict, a man pathologically dependent woman does not pay attention to anything but their relations. As sung in one famous song, "on your converged wedge white light".
Increased aggressiveness. If someone even zaiknetsya that your lover does not suit you, you are ready to erase it into a powder. No sound arguments do not work, breaking the wall of fanatical devotion. "You all do not understand! We are made for each other "- this idea spinning in your head, and others can not be anything to do with it.
Panic at the thought of breaking. Loneliness scares you even more than the pain in the relationship. You will, of course, may not be very well together, but live apart at all unbearable. Parting is equivalent to you end of the world, and that is why you are so cling to their strange relationship.
Constant pain and suffering. They go hand in hand with your special love. At the same every time you invented unimaginable justify actions of your men. I never call you first, because he has no time. Do not you regret due to the fact that he is too manly for this. A dialogue with other women - is a consequence of its strength and independence. And do not care what love should bring joy.
The desire to be together forever. In psychotherapy, it is called a pathological merger. The idea of separation for five minutes can bring you suffering. At the same sensations experienced you are dual: on the one hand, you are afraid that your partner "swallow you," and on the other, there is the fear that it will completely disappear from your life. At the same time you feel sad because of the lack of deep connection between you and the desire to "stick" to it.
The feeling of loss of self. The dependent relationship you do not have - you are completely dissolved in the other person. There is a sensation of the abyss that can "suck" you. As a result, you are doing all of this for a man that can bring him joy, often forgetting about themselves, their tastes and preferences.
Searing jealousy. Since the psychological dependence on men - an example of a pathological relationship, you constantly have the feeling that if the partner is not with you. And since there is no feeling of unity and intimacy, so he could at any time to respond to the call of another woman. Added to this is the feeling of inferiority, lack of self - and voila! You begin to be jealous of a partner to every lamppost.
Mood swings. After the bell man, you can feel the bliss and a burst of energy that are instantly worth it to do something wrong. One need only half an hour to break out of the merger of the state - and you fall into a deep depression. All this is accompanied by a bunch of fears, feelings of guilt for their behavior and anger at everyone. Emotional swings one in one like a chemical drug.
A large number of problems in life. You know, what is the main criterion of pathology in psychiatry? Adaptation. If with your personal characteristics do you manage to live a normal life and to solve the problem, then, is a kind of norm. But if you have everything goes downhill, it's time to reflect. Relationship because of that friend turn away from you, the chief threatened with dismissal, and my mother swallows handfuls valerian, are unhealthy - and it is clear to anyone who looks at the situation sober look.
Euphoria inherent love, is approximately nine months. Therefore, if some of the symptoms you observed at the beginning of a relationship, it does not mean anything. But in that case, when you're in for a long time tormented by his feelings, worth sound the alarm.
Model the behavior of women opting for dependent relationship
Earlier we talked about the basic signs of love addiction. Now it is time to illuminate the pattern of behavior of a woman who is often in a similar situation. It is very specific. And as the first step to solving the problem - it was her understanding, then we suggest you analyze the model of your behavior in romantic relationships.
Thus, the behavior of the woman prone to dependence on men? Firstly, it is easily and quickly falls in love. This happens for a variety of reasons. If a man looks and feels attractive, it is fairly easy to ignore any signals about its shortcomings. There is a psychological jam on the positive aspects, which is not always good. In addition, the first impression is always more important for her the rest, and if it was pleasant, it is useless to argue with that.
In general, the scope of love for her very painful. For such women have a fear of never find a lover. This is due to over-value it attaches to love and relationships. Yes, of course, we can say that this power of the earth is spinning, but that love is not so flat and homogenous! On the contrary, it is multi-faceted and is manifested not only in relation to men. But before this woman does not care - in her imagination always present romantic fantasies. And even if now it is empty, it hopes to continuously meet or ex-partner, who falls in love with her without memory, or a new and perfect in everything. Because of these fantasies it is very hard to focus on anything except the theme of relations between the sexes.
As we have said, this woman is very easy to fall in love, and it is not easy to let go of the man with whom she came into contact. In addition, as a partner for some reason, are those with whom it has relations can not be due to objective reasons. For example, this man is married or is a complete bastard. But the woman is ready to continue a relationship with him, and in the case of abusive behavior towards her. But even if it does not, then it is afraid of losing a partner and literally "strangling" him for his love: constantly ringing, writes, seeks to guess and satisfy absolutely all the desires of the partner.
Naturally, then, there are different versions of events. Normal men from such circumstances tend merely to get rid of because they are afraid of excessive intrusiveness. And all sorts of scoundrels are beginning to use it, making the woman practically litter for feet. All these reactions are united by one fact: the boys are no longer respect these girls. There are cases when a woman pursues a man almost. That is why, falling into depression after a breakup, she thinks that the only love in this relationship. This happens inevitably, because sooner or later, even the villain is finished bored.
And then begins a vicious circle. Having experienced the desire to die after the break, she begins to feel empty inside. And a new partner is sought very quickly just to get rid of it. Because otherwise, alone, this woman feels inferior in comparison with people who are in a relationship.
Why is this happening?
By depending on the relationships tend to people with a distorted personality structure. Its formation contribute to a variety of life's twists and turns that are excessive for a man. As a result of collision with such difficulties if it "breaks", and there is a similar problem. What could the underlying?
Distorted relationship with the father of the girl. Dad - this is the first man in her life. The relationship with him prefigure all novels with men in the future. Accordingly, if the father is constantly attacked a girl and she did not express her love and care, it will be to live with the constant desire to earn them. And as with the Pope is often impossible to do, it will endure their problems and look at the men who fits into her script. It is logical that it will exalt a man on a pedestal and try to get his love.
Cold mother. What is most important for a child? The love of his mother. Unfortunately, very often women give birth to children and immature reasons, faced with real difficulties begin to experience indifferent to them, and sometimes even anger. And since the worldview and self-awareness of the baby is entirely dependent on the mother's relationship to it, it will grow with the subconscious experience of their own inferiority. The need for love for him will be dissatisfied because the right time for it has passed. The result is extremely low self-esteem, and a person becomes addicted to romantic relationships.
Negative family scenario. Problems occur in all the families, and, of course, it has a certain effect on the construction of love relationships in the future. However, there are extreme variations that greatly cripple the child's psyche. For example, when one parent has a drug or alcohol addiction. In this case, the child learns a lifetime behavior of such a scenario in the relationship, when everything depends on the partner, and there is a complete adjustment to his life. You know the future love relationship? By the way, contrary to popular belief, a divorce - it too traumatic situation but it is quite possible to compensate for the damage.
The difficulties in establishing personal boundaries. About three years the child starts to produce their I'm from the outside world. This is a very important step in the establishment of the boundaries of identity, but then everything can go much worse. For example, if he is not allowed to be locked alone in his or bathroom. Or he may not have personal toys, because he always said that all things - general, and they need to share. In all these and other cases, the child gets used to the fact that it has no boundaries of personal space and lose their ability to feel. Accordingly, in the future, such a person would be inclined to "dissolve" in a partner.
The lack of capacity for a realistic assessment of others. Most often this occurs when a child tries to express their feelings to the world, and their parents or other significant adults say that it's all nonsense. Especially when it comes to assessments of the actions of other people, usually older. The child gets used to the fact that he is constantly wrong and that ability over time is erased. The problem may also have a wider field, when it comes to feelings. If a person is constantly say that it feels wrong, pretty soon it will no longer distinguish between his emotions and he will need "merge" with another to the least somehow his "reflect".
"Polar" character. It is very easy to fall into a love relationship, if you are very adamant. For such a person has no "gray" colors - it divides the world solely on the "black" and "white." All the same thing is happening in the field of human feelings - either hate or love. By the way, if we talk about the latter, such a person does not have a gradation of love from the very beginning he feels wild euphoria and craving for the object of his romantic feelings. For example, a woman after the first date begins to dream about the wedding and wild jealousy to look at all the girls passing by men.
Traumatic events. Very often to love according to the men tend to those women who have ever suffered from violence. Firstly, they do not feel the boundaries of his body as they once were grossly violated. Secondly, they have ambivalent feelings towards men: on the one hand, they perceive them as enemies, bringing pain and suffering, and, on the other hand, see them as defenders who can only save you from the problems. The same, but with less intensity, For heavy explosions, deaths and other severe stress - a woman may be very afraid of losing their partner, and this fear "bites" into it as it ticks.
Breaking the vicious circle of dependence
In order to get rid of love addiction, need to realize the fact of its presence. Yes, yes, you are now in a relationship that does not really bring you happiness, but only pull vitality. It is for this purpose, we brought up a list of symptoms, depending on men. Simply put, if most of the time you feel miserable - it is a signal that the relationship of the data necessary to get rid of.
It is possible that in your soul in doubt: "What if it's just a difficult period, and I'll throw the man whom fate has prepared for me? "The simplest thing you can do - is to ask the opinion of your friends. Only it should be the people who really care about you and that you will not envy. If they cry out in one voice: "Well, finally! We told you that he - pig! "And thus are not a man-hater - this alarm bell.
But the decision still accept you. To make this easier to do, get a diary of the novel, in which you can record everything that happens to you in a relationship: events, actions, and especially feelings. It is important to write sincerely and not to deceive itself if it became sad and hurt at the moment, when it should have been a joyful - and write. And vice versa. All this will help you in the first place, to objectively see how you feel close to a particular man, and secondly, can later be analyzed, if your stories are always constructed according to the same scenario.
As we wrote, the woman being in love dependence on men, shifted the focus of attention. Simply put, she thinks only of him, in particular, are constantly looking for answers to questions like:
What does he mean when he says this?
What is more important for him?
What he really felt when it happened?
Did he love any woman before me (for me \ after me)?
What would he say if I do this?
What did he feel when I say it?
Be sure to fix all the related issues concerning your loved one, in his diary (or even a separate notebook). On the other side of the sheet record found the answers, and if they fully satisfy you, cross out the question from the list. The rest of the place, and be sure to lock the new. Celebrate repetitive. Keep doing this for at least a week, until you get tired. Nobody knows what exactly will you do, but most women are faced with the full knowledge of their obsession. Questions do not disappear after finding the answers, and their number is steadily increasing, subsequently striking the imagination. And to do it as long as you do not automatically begin to anticipate the emergence of such thoughts in my head, and you do not bother to look around the point and answers.
Based on these data, make a portrait of the typical man who makes you fall in love relationship. It is likely that you will find a lot of common psychological characteristics of all of these entities. Surely there will be expressed masculinity, aggression, rigidity or excessive softness, deceit, and other great features. At the same time it will be clear that it provokes in you dependent behavior.
To increase awareness of the problem of love addiction, think about how much you have missed in life because of unsuccessful love affairs.