Very often you can hear how his wife suspect their husbands of all mortal sins. Of course, I like to be on guard as security, but for some reason many of us are increasingly wondering how to learn to trust her husband. And this is only rejoice, since the issue of trust in the relationship - one of the most important in communicating with your partner. We will try to find out why it lost, and that this can be done.
The relationship without trust
How do you imagine an ideal relationship? If we reject absolutely romantic picture, they are sure to include intimacy, which is based on trust. It is in pursuit of this state we rush headlong into the maelstrom of love relationships, hoping to find his soul mate, who share with us the rest of his life.
What is a trust? According to psychologists, this is a subjective state of the person who is in relationship with a partner, which is characterized by readiness to transmit the information, some of the rights and even things differently. Are you ready to tell your loved something unseen and make him some special action. Typically, trust is dependent on compliance with internal rules and unspoken understandings that exist between partners. And in each, they can be their own. Without confidence in the honesty and goodwill of another person, it simply can not exist.
Trust allows you to relax in a relationship and open up to your partner. Without it, it is simply impossible to go through the true love, which is described in many outstanding books. Now imagine a relationship without trust. They are associated with a constant sense of anxiety and fear that arise because of the expectation of danger and betrayal. You need to be very attentive to her man, to time to see the insincerity in his behavior. You can not get support from him, as there are always doubts about the purposes of its provision.
In short, some solid cons. But why we need this relationship, if there is no union with a loved one? As a rule, the woman in this case, there is a pronounced fear of being alone. If we add to it the lack of positive experience of sincerity and intimacy in the relationship, it turns out that she prefers to be content with little, rather than trying to change anything. However, since you are reading this article is important for you to learn how to learn to trust her husband and break the vicious circle.
Reasons for suspicion
Trust never leaves the relationship just like that, though, unfortunately, in some cases it does not even appear. It is always associated with any internal causes. Moreover, they can be located on the male and on the female side, and sometimes at the interface therebetween.
The lack of basic trust in the world
There are psychologists such a characteristic personality - it represents how we see reality around us. It may be hostile to us, full of dangers, threats and anxiety. People in this case seem to be insidious and cynical liars, all of which make for yourself. The opposite pole is that the world appears to be fair and honest, and people - good and positive subjects.
Naturally, there is an intermediate state that is still at varying degrees are closer to the specific pole. According to analysts, the sources of this hostility and suspicion lie in human infancy. During the first year of life the child all his needs are met through the mother, and if she promptly responds to its signals, it begins to perceive the world kindly. But if she is cold and inattentive, it is the basis for future problems.
"The stigma of a gun"
Another mechanism, because we do not trust people - when they themselves can not boast of honesty in a relationship. That's how human nature is that we understand each other only through the prism of his own personality. For example, you are angry, when you cry, and naturally believe that the other will experience the same thing. In the case of fraud it works about the same way: you can see in the other signals of the same feelings that you are experiencing at the moment, and you think that your partner does the same. Fires mechanism "if I cheat, then all those involved, including my husband."
Feeling of inferiority
Agree, very easy to suspect the others in terms of negative action against you if you consider that nothing is worth. Then you start to think that anyone wants to hurt you, because you - nothing. You still can not protect yourself, and do not deserve a good attitude and right actions. And with each new "kick" you are more convinced of this. In addition, it is possible that because of this quality you surround yourself with people who are capable of their own negative actions validate your picture of the world. And it works a vicious circle.
Disrespect for husband
For this reason, it breaks a lot of marriages, especially in Russia. You've seen the behavior typical Russian aunt? She always "sawing" the husband his nasty voice, constantly pointing out to him that he is doing wrong and how to do it in reality. Behind all this is a subconscious desire to humiliate the man, showing him that he is - zero without a stick. A direct consequence of this desire is the belief that her husband is still doing everything through one place and is able to "screw up" in any case. Although sometimes paradoxical reverse situation, when a woman finds her man so worthless that still is not going anywhere. And it is in vain. This is contrary to the nature of energy and eventually kills all that is good in a relationship.
It is very difficult to trust people if you have ever been deceived. Our psyche is such that transfers the experience from the past to the future in order to be able to bring at least some clarity and that some predict. Another thing is that because of this basic features you may miss out on a positive view of the relationship, if the men had behaved badly with you. It is understood that not all people are the same, especially if you are married to a completely different person, dissimilar to the one who you used to be deceived. And sometimes you are creating your paranoia in men preconditions to behave the way you away "waiting."
So often a woman in itself can not figure out how to learn to trust her husband. This prevented her personal characteristics and other problems with her hand. However, the whole thing can not "blame" on one of the partners. It often happens that a man provokes suspicion from his girlfriend. How and why did he do it?
Some people are secretive by nature. They do not need a lot of communication, they do not like noisy companies and do not tend to share intimate fragments of the inner world, even with the closest people. Sometimes it may seem that they do not need anyone - they are so great to spend time alone. However, this impression is deceptive.
Every person needs the other to be together, sharing important life experiences. A private people, moreover, are much harder to find yourself a partner. Their character derives not from a desire to hide something from you. They distance themselves from the peculiarities of the nervous system, "thanks" to which they very quickly covers the fatigue from contact with others. But being so close to the "mysterious" man, of course, is not easy.
Some men sharpened sense of their own borders, and any invasion of them perceived aggression. Of course, because someone is encroaching on their territory, and the urgent need to protect it! You certainly will not be easy, because this is particularly necessary to adapt. Most likely, your spouse has a place in the apartment, and, perhaps, and not one in which it is best left alone.
He is sensitive about how your attempt to get into his phone or social networking profile or just a distraction from his affairs, which he does. Perhaps he encloses its own space, even in bed and wary to touch. If this is the case, we advise you to take your husband for what it is. These boundaries are not due to the fact that he has something to hide, and by heightened attention to its territory, and it's just such a feature of personality.
Your husband sometimes behaves very badly: do not take up the phone, does not say where to go, nice "chirps" to any young person, etc. ... At the same time, when you're with him is normal to talk about it, he admits that he was wrong. This is especially true when you are trying to find better than he does, or give him a claim. It all looks like a strange provocation towards you. It is as if a nervous teenager, which is something forbidden, and he begins to behave more aggressively. Of course, it is very unpleasant, but we need to understand what is behind this line of conduct. Perhaps he wants to teach you, or to take revenge on you for something. But I trust him after this is difficult.
There is a whole category of men with very vague ideas about what is good and what is bad. They may explain why, in some cases, treason, murder or theft is justified. All because of some strange values underlying philosophy of such entities. They have a wide margin, and the list of allowable actions they may include many more than a person with traditional morality. For example, it may be considered that sex without feelings - is not treason. Agree, not easy to live with such a man. Another thing is that the blurring of values is difficult to hide, and if a woman marries a man like this, it means that it takes its opinions.
Miser in expression of feelings
Emotions - a marker of everything that happens to a person. If you feel something, you're alive, and the other is also felt in touch with you. But when the emotions of their people have little or sparingly shows, that there is a feeling that he is not sincere, or was hiding something. This is due to the fact that you do not understand what is happening, it remains a mystery to you. And where there is uncertainty, there is always anxiety and suspicion. Our brain is so constituted that he prefers to fill the emptiness of their fantasies. The same thing happens in the relationship with her husband. If he shows you a little feelings, then you start to worry that he does not love you. And when there is some controversial situation (for example, he does not answer), your most unpleasant fancy swim out.
Of course, we are not talking about situations where the partner shows a blatant disrespect to you. It is natural that you do not trust a person who constantly somewhere walking, heavy drinkers and more than once caught in a lie. Only now ask myself, in this case as to regain the trust is absolutely meaningless. You should think about how to break the painful relationship, but that's another story.
In order to understand how to trust a man, you need to understand how and why people lie. Of course, someone this question may seem silly, because a no-brainer, where does lie. But in reality things are not so simple, and we will try to understand, before deciding what to do.
Naturally, people cheat each other, to meet some of his desires. A very common situation when a person is lying to seem better than it really is. The desire of countries, but not for someone who is familiar with the psychology. One of the basic human needs - the need for status and respect from society. It must meet, along with thirst, hunger and the desire to be safe.
But if a person does not feel sufficiently valid if he does not feel the respect from others, he may begin to fib. This is especially true of men having more than women, pride. For example, the story of their own lucrative contracts to the firm in reality can turn a simple transaction in which your man involved. And they then believe ?!
Well, as a classic example of how people lie, wanting to get his - a man caring for a woman to sleep with her. He is ready to do everything to crumble in unimaginable compliments and do deeds of incredible beauty, but his goal in this very down to earth. Naturally, the girl in plain text no one can say: "I just want to sleep with you." After that annoying person is likely to be sent to hell. But if nice to cheat, then the probability of success becomes much higher.
But that's not the worst. Much worse, if the husband is cheating on you, because he is so simple it is more convenient. A classic example - the treacherous apostate. He lies to his wife, telling the fable about the surface and platonic companionship with other girls. Naturally, it is convenient, when his house - a full cup, and everyone around him feel good family man. But he is deceiving his mistress, exaggerated stories about his wife-shrew. He comes up with all sorts of reasons why he can not get a divorce, but his heart is faint from the "doomed" love. Thus, based only on considerations of their own convenience, such a man is able to do everything just to "fool" the two women.
This is partly overlaps with the time when a man is lying to you, to avoid responsibility. It sounds paradoxical, but as long as you all do not know if fraud does not exist. And to be precise, it simply does not interfere with the responsibility for it. And he continues to lie on in order to hide all this heap of lies that has a lot of internal relationships.
So, there is reason to lie in abundance. But how do you know that your husband is cheating on you? Generally, of course, it is in principle difficult to believe: how can the loved ones people tell lies and do bad things? But, unfortunately, it happens. And you need to know the signs of lies in order to learn to separate reality from fiction. There are a number of purely technical points that can be supported in the analysis of what is happening:
A man says a lot
Or use more words than is needed in a particular situation. It looks like some kind of wall, whose main objective - the cover of lies. Subconsciously, my head is spinning the idea: "The more I say, the more truthful story will look like." And if you add items, then all will be fine. Only it is not, and usually is a sign lies.
Careful selection of words
When you lie, you have to keep in mind as soon as several branches of conversation in order not to get confused and not "bluff": the past - all in line, now - to continue to "do" history, and the future - that on the basis of it all I assume that you say after. In short, the brain requires huge resources, which is why the liar gets tired. This is also indicated a pause in the conversation.
The pace of the conversation
Except in rare cases, skillful lies, cheating have significantly changed the speed of human conversation. It may be slow due to the reasons described above - a man for a long time to think about what to say. Or, it can be quite fast, when the subject in the first place, is worried and can not hide it, and, secondly, pouring out on you a lot of information at an accelerated pace, he subconsciously hoping to confuse you and to reduce the concentration. Then the probability of being caught is below. By the way, intonation and lying about change - usually the voice becomes higher. This psycho-physiological reaction.
It is often the nature of an acquittal
When a person is lying, he initially have a subconscious sense of guilt in front of you. And telling their stories, if he tries to justify himself. In a speech to a lot of words and constructions, exposing the speaker in a positive light.
Probably wondering how to learn to trust the partner you are interested in particular aspects of his relations with the opposite sex. How does the changing man? It becomes very picky with his wife, as he believes that it was she who was to blame, because it provokes to such acts.