Love - the feeling by which Earth spins. It can be asserted without exaggeration. Feeling it, we are ready to do something that in the normal state would never have dared: to move mountains, to lose weight by twenty kilograms, move to another country, a parachute jump - and all this for the sake of a loved one. But life - a strange thing, and this is the love of magic tends to disappear one day. Typically, about her missing one partner tells the other, and the latter does not know what to do. How to forget the old love? What to do to recover from this?
Why leaves love?
When we recall the relationship, each of us probably them most like the beginning: the first wave moments experienced together, loving looks, walks under the moon, the magic moments of recognition of another person. And then at some point the feeling disappears. Why is this happening?
Ironically, it was she who could provoke a withdrawal of love. Many people are afraid to really close relationships because they require serious impact of mental strength and responsibility for another person. And this proximity implies a deep knowledge of the partner, including the dark sides of his personality. The clash with them not everyone is able to survive, and this tends to be the first serious crisis in any pair.
Inconsistency inner worlds
Each of us has his own personal pin to which you rely on life, values, world view, life goals. It is very important to partner although in some degree shared these important to you spiritual foundation. Differences in behavioral ideology lead to significant differences in the interests, needs, principles and behavior in general. Sooner or later the man and Zhenya realize that their couple simply not viable, unless, of course, one of the partners does not renounce its vital installations.
Unsuitable each other characters
If the above we talked about some of the fundamental differences in this case we are talking about the demeanor and temperament. For example, a wife - an extrovert and constantly bursting incessantly, listening to loud TV and chaotically moving around the apartment. Her husband - the introvert who loves solitude and peace. Yes, at the stage of love, this difference does not stop anyone, but then it can very much "get" for both partners.
Lack of freedom
Of course, there are people in the world who feel comfortable, just being in the suffocating embrace of another. But most of us need personal freedom and space. Attempts to constantly monitor your partner are regarded as an invasion, and begin to cause aggression. If nothing changes, it inevitably leads to misunderstandings and tear.
There is such a thing - long-distance relationship, resorted to couples who can not be there, but do not want to leave. Approximately three-quarters of people who have had similar experiences, argue that to keep love in such a relationship is practically impossible. No sex, physical contact, opportunity to talk about his favorite day, and much more. Each of the partners begin to be changes that are not always popular with the other. All this causes the whole care of the love relationship.
It also happens that you simply get tired of each other. This arises from the fact that you are completely known characters and habits of each other - is not no mystery, no raisins. At the same time to adjust and take the partner can not be - it takes years. All this causes discontent and irritation, which began to roll your couple. This usually happens within a year or two after the beginning of their life together.
This is not an exhaustive list of reasons for extending love. Of course, you can avoid this as much as possible neutralizing effect of negative factors, but not all succeed. And if you are reading this article, then most likely, the question of how to forget love, does not give you rest.
How long does it take to forget?
What do you think, how much time should pass before you forget your past love? Universal answer to this question is not and can not be. The speed of the process of forgetting a previous relationship depends on many factors. A joint study by psychologists from leading universities in the UK and the United States was aimed at studying them. For example, is it possible to forget the first love? Scientists have proven that it is virtually impossible: about eighty percent of the people in one way or another faced with a sudden display of seemingly long since extinct feelings.
Accordingly, forgetting his first love remains a big question. Followed by relations, the situation is different, and the wounds of love are tightened. Periodically on the Internet you can find various formulas for calculating the term of farewell to love. The most famous and accurate is this: from the time of separation to calm should go about half the time that you were together. For example, if you meet a guy for a year, then you will need six months to forget it.
For some, this period is too great, however, and offered alternatives: on the week of all those months that you have been together, exactly one thousand piles of tequila and a drop of less than a month of tears in the pillow, etc. ... In fact, everyone all individually, and your task - to choose the way of experiencing separation, which will be right for you.
Out of sight, out of mind!
Love can be completely different: first, unrequited Sears, quiet, etc. ... It's one thing when you are madly in love, and quite another - when you are madly in love. Then you need to recover will be completely different. Surely you've been in each of these situations and know how hard it is to live this experience in their own skin. That is why below we have collected for you the most effective psychological recommendations on how to move away from a previous relationship.
The first love is for anyone magical window into the world of real and deep feelings. Remember these feelings? As a rule, it catches up with us still teenagers. Hurricane romantic feelings, hormone storm, the desire to be together forever, no matter what - all these are typical signs of a first love.
But it usually goes. The first separation depth of experience is comparable, and even able to surpass itself in love. Of course, over time, delayed wound, but these relations continue to be still emotionally loaded. And whether you want to forget the first love? In the end, the memories of it will always be a source of pleasant experiences associated with a light and carefree youth. However, if it is the reason that you still can not build a normal personal life, it's time to get to work.
"How could you forget it? - You ask. - It is absolutely unreal! ". But we will try to prove to you otherwise. The easiest and most intuitive way - is to limit communication with the object of first love. But there are hidden pitfalls: we sometimes tormented himself over the years on the subject of what would have happened if you had not parted. And in this case, the restriction of communication can be an excellent breeding ground for the idealization of the former beau and fantasies about him. It is possible that a worthy alternative would be to try to set him at least some kind of relationship. Then you will understand that it is not perfect, and it does have its drawbacks.
Remember that the same river twice not come in. And if you, for whatever reason, decide on the resumption of relations, they will be quite different than you remember. Much time has passed, and the man you once loved, very much changed - just like you. Often, memories of first love are the only way back to the time of youth, and to realize what was missed and lost.
Forget the first love is not that often. But you can stop responding to one who is its object. You need to understand one simple thing: that you were in love and experienced a hurricane of feelings. And he was just a person that caused it to open in your ability to love. That is why the first love acquires so many illusions.
In the end, you can let the energy of these experiences into its peaceful course. The best way to do this - work. Stay in a room and call the memories of first love. As soon as they are alive, begin to do: to paint, write poetry, photography, embroidery, etc. ... Do what you like and what you dislike. Be sure the result will be different than usual. Use this method every time the first love will manifest itself, and after a while the force that holds you weaken.
It is possible that the object of passion and did not answer you in return - is, unfortunately, happens all the time. It turns out that you love, and you - no. Inside is black painful feeling that somehow a long time is not going anywhere. It provokes you to do stupid things, ranging from the desire to break the man and ending with tearful entreaties to him. How to forget unrequited love and get rid of the lump in your heart? Psychologists offer different ways:
It is possible that you will love the expulsion of his life. Think about it, because the symptoms of love one to one copied from a textbook on psychiatry: mood swings, increased anxiety, euphoria, depression, and more. Accordingly, if the approach to the unrequited love as a disease, the treatment regimen is very simple - to eliminate the root cause of life. Throw away any thoughts of love, I do not read books or watch movies on relevant topics, fill your life with something else - and then a high probability that the virus will no longer love fever besiege your fortress.
Logic - is a great weapon, killing negative emotions
All the matter in the cerebral hemispheres, when activated by one responsible for rational discourse, the second associated with feelings, rests. Therefore, try to turn your head and soberly assess: what you need is love? What are the pros and cons for you? If you begin to enter the romantic nonsense, immediately turn severe criticism - if you're reading someone else's text. Do not forget to pay attention to the inevitable attenuation of feelings, a sense of dependence and other "charms" of the state of love.
Your chosen one does not hurt to get out of the image of the perfect man. You know that these do not happen? So, try to estimate the object of your love interest is critical. Yes, now you think he's the most wonderful person in the world. But try to find him at least one tiny flaw. Maybe he snores at night. And he does not know how to combine colors in clothes. And constantly criticizes and corrects all - he's the smartest. Imagine yourself living every day with the man with all these shortcomings, and the veil of unrequited love quickly fall from your eyes.
Fill your life
When you are busy, you have no time to think about the bad. Not by chance, a wise man called idleness source of all problems - indeed it is. Your mind tries to be filled, and when there is nothing else, it is filled with all sorts of nonsense such as unrequited love. Therefore, immediately find yourself an interesting exercise, it takes more time and full commitment of resources - work or hobby.
Love is in the past
And what if your ex-love can not be attributed either to the first or the second? By and large, all the same - above methods are suitable for experiencing any gap. Only in your case it is unnecessary complications inherent in these two types of love. And while you work - it is the best doctor for heart wounds. If the first love is almost impossible to forget, then to any other it will happen - you just believe. And when it will be very hard to remind ourselves about the imminent cure.
And in order for you life was easier in this period, you can try the romantic vaccinated. Louis Pasteur suggested administered in a small dose of weakened bacteria to form strong immunity to them. What prevents you to do the same for love? If you over-expressed desire for romance, let himself go: find a more or less suitable for the object of passion and set up a relationship with him. But be careful that it is not a new "perfect man", otherwise you will fall in love again, recklessly, and your task - to give yourself to feel the love in the permissible dose.
Sometimes you may have the illusion that you might be all in a different way, and it seems that the relationship can still be recovered. From it you must get rid of, and as quickly as possible. First, in no other way. One can not deny the objective reality - you have something that is, and perceptions of the other scenario is self-deception. Secondly, even if you think that any errors can be corrected and changed, imagine yourself in a year, two, five years. What will happen to your relationship? Most likely, all grievances and discrepancies come out and double flowers bloom. So, do not waste time on this novel, because there is someone who is much more suited to you. Maybe we should forget the past love and make way for the new and the present?
We strongly recommend to read: How to forget the past and start living