how to calm down and begin to live


  • Causes of inner restlessness
  • The search for the meaning of life
  • The neurotic character
  • The unwillingness to take responsibility
  • Blocked emotions
  • Living in the past and the future
  • Live happily

Twenty-first century dictates so frantic pace of life, the number of diseases, nervous breakdowns and mental disorders is through the roof. You probably are and noticed that almost no moments when you feel in harmony with the surrounding world. It is not surprising that modern man is increasingly the question arises: how to settle down and start living?

Causes of inner restlessness

Our head, as usual, is the source of all our problems. Of course, it is possible for a long time to analyze the complexity of the surrounding world and to write off all the nerve overload. However, it is easier from this, you will not, because the world does not change the fact that you just give up on his hand. Much better and more efficient to understand what prevents you to live very quietly. Many philosophers have suggested that the main purpose of man is to live a long and happy life. However it turns out only in units. What is the reason? Why someone gets everything while others can not distract from the plaintive buzzing of a fly, fly in the room?

The search for the meaning of life

Man - the only creature that reflects on why he came to this planet. With animals it is very simple: they are born, reproduce and die, increasing its own population. Man, however, has made a huge leap in the evolutionary development, building a world of its own in the world. His psyche is also more complex, and one of the consequences just lies in the fact that man can not live without a sense of life. Have you noticed how eager eyes of those who know, why live? For example, a young mother: she is busy all day with his son, enough sleep, enough to eat and still feel absolutely happy. Or the doctor who helps people, absolutely calm, get your hands is not an astronomical salary. Even in the most difficult circumstances a person is able to maintain this inner light, if he knows that he needs in this world. However, losing the feeling, he instantly becomes wilted and miserable.

 how to settle down and live happily ever after

The neurotic character

There are people for whom happiness is unattainable in principle, due to the nature of their personality. They have a so-called neurotic needs that are unsatisfying. Simply put, the needs of people in love, care, respect, attention can not be met - every day people will want more and more. Naturally, this is the reason for his anxiety, because he always feels uncomfortable. What is the need? It is a state of dissatisfaction, some tension and desire to return to the previous feeling of composure. Man with neurotic needs is constantly experiencing anxiety, since even a second is not able to feel comfortable. And the thoughts of worthlessness haunt.

The unwillingness to take responsibility

When you live according to other people's ideas, opinions and instructions anxiety can be your constant companion. It is not surprising, because the lack of control over their own lives is a cause for alarm: you can not even try to predict what awaits you around the next turn of life. All the same can be said about a man who, in principle, takes a children's position in relation to his life. Remember how dangerous the world seemed when you were small? In infantile people going something like this: they always expect "adults" who will come and save them. And those things are not there, that increases the voltage, and the circle closes.

Blocked emotions

We are taught from childhood to keep their feelings: "Do not cry - you're a boy! "" Ceases to be angry - it is indecent! " etc. ... In fact, emotions - this is life. The child grows, develops, and as a response to the interaction with the world around him a feeling, and a variety of: joy, sadness, fear, anger, interest. And if adults are supported by positive emotions, negative and usually do not please anybody. When such displays are blocked in our body begins to accumulate power. It breaks out in the form of psychosomatic illnesses, neurotic habits and other psychological problems. All of these things by themselves are a cause for alarm, but the basis remains the psychological energy of blocked feelings that did not find its expression.

 how to calm down and begin to live

Living in the past and the future

It sounds paradoxical, but, oddly enough, many people choose this way of thinking. Past delays the human cargo of the events as sad and joyful. Many people remain calm in the past, because everything is known and understood. But at the same time, there is a vague anxiety due to the fact that the edge of consciousness man understands his omission. Yet most people are experiencing because of the future. What do I get on the exam, when he calls, how many children we will have - all these and many other questions charming break our heads every day, if not every hour. Of course, thinking about it, we feel worry and anxiety, rather than to say: "Take it easy! "And live in the present.

Live happily ever after!

The list of possible causes for the alarm impressive. And yet, how to calm down and begin to live in the present? Do not think that all will pass by itself. We hasten to upset you, but to begin to live happily ever have to work on yourself.

  1. Be natural.

    As already stated above, live for today and show emotions. You should not hold them back inside and save yourself - it's no good will not. Of course, do not yell at the chief good mate and sell an apartment with a view to give the proceeds to the poor (unless you want a lifetime to do it). But some certain degree of ease and crazy to be present.

  2. Do not think about the bad.

    We have been taught since childhood - to predict the possible adverse consequences of our actions. However, those who have it firmly in the habit, it is very often not able to feel good because of the constant feeling of anxiety that dwelleth with them in the shower. We do not encourage you to go to extremes and to be impenetrable optimistic, but think about it: life expectancy last much higher than that of pessimists.

  3. Learn to accept criticism.

    Very often we are experiencing because of what someone said about us, that something bad. Only here it is necessary to separate the wheat from the chaff. There is constructive criticism, the purpose of which is the real improvement of your business or something else. And there are destructive, which is used to frustrate and humiliate you. So, from the latter is simply to learn to ignore, and the first to take into account, and then stop your self-esteem suffer.

  4. Channeled energy.

    Very often anxiety is a result of accumulated stress in you. If this power will not build out, she quickly finds a use, and usually unpleasant for the wearer, that is for you. Instead, listen to the recommendations of the banal to find a hobby or exercise - it really works!

  5. Learn humility.

    Yes, all kinds of business and diaries Quotations success teach us that we can not give up and must always fight to the end. Did you know that the most common disease in the business - a heart attacks, hypertension and duodenal ulcer? It is those disorders that are peculiar to people without existing relaxation and harmony in the soul. Therefore, if you want to live happily ever after, you learn to resign ourselves to the fact that you can not change.

Soothing and follow our simple guidelines - then your quality of life significantly improved.

And if you suddenly come upon some deeper and more serious problem in itself, it is always possible to consult a qualified psychologist who can help you overcome it.

 How to calm down and begin to live happily: A Handbook for "beginners"

 what to do if you are jealous


  • On the nature of envy
  • Types of envy
  • Causes of envy
  • What to do

Let's talk about feelings, or rather the feeling of envy. Surely you've encountered with other people's manifestations unkind attitudes, themselves fall into the power of that emotion. It is believed that jealousy - is a negative feeling, which breaks down the inside of your carrier. But whether things really are? And what if you are jealous, and you want to stop it?

On the nature of envy

The first step is to understand what you're dealing with. In general, many people have a very distorted view of envy: it seems that this "animal" comes only when all others have developed, and without it is impossible to do. However, it is not. Envy - a feeling that there is, on the one hand, a man selfish, and, on the other hand, having low self-esteem and a variety of inferiority complex. Experiencing this state does not want to develop the most - much better if the object of envy will be humiliated or crushed.

Envy is a complicated and complex feelings. That is, in its experience, there are certain steps which are deployed over time. But as in the time of growing up, we have forgotten how to listen to your inner voice and experience the feeling of fullness, this is not recognized by us.

How to start the experience of envy? With the feeling of being lost. It pierces the man at the moment when he sees that something else is better than him. There may be accompanying thoughts about his own insignificance, that you do not see. After that comes a sense of wounded to the quick. The man begins to doubt himself and his lifestyle. He did not abandon the idea that he was alone, and others if there are in a different world. All this is manifested in the experience of loneliness, emptiness and insignificance of their own.

Naturally, for this is followed by anger and insults. "What is the reason to me such an attitude, and you have everything so well? "- Thinks the envious and begins to analyze the situation. It seems that when he is in position of the object of his jealousy, justice will be restored: he will give the deserved attention and respect. But it somehow did not fall to, and comes to offense, and all at once, including themselves. Aggression is transferred, resulting in a person thinks that he is a poor and needy.

Thus, as a result of jealousy, you lose yourself, your value. This feeling hurt and lost identity. By the way, the envious and those who envy, attracted to each other like magnets. This is due to the fact that often they all have problems with self-esteem and their place in the world. There is a type of people who deliberately cause envy in others, so as soon as it gives them a sense of importance and realizovanna. Therefore, if you are jealous, you should consider: Does not provoke you surround yourself this feeling?

Types of envy

Have you already realized that jealousy - is a complex feeling. However, this issue is not limited to: inter alia, there are different kinds of envy, which generally differ from one another. In some extreme people may fall?

  • Envy is blind

    As the saying goes, "to know a person, you need to walk a mile in his shoes." But many people forget about it and start to envy others, just by watching their progress. Indeed, from the outside it may seem that everything comes easy man: and career and family and friendship. But if each of us could "get into the skin of another," the number of people willing to trade places have plummeted. Every man has his own problems, and we can not judge them so simple - it is possible that for him they are a hundred times worse than the problem of envy. Very often in these cases, the life of another idealized envious and simply a reflection of his own dreams.

  • "Big-eyed" jealousy

    There are cases when a person is jealous consciously. Typically, such a jealousy is experienced not as black but as dark gray - it is easier and more understandable, because we do have other things that you really want. However, even in this situation, it is a negative sense, as the ability to transform into a very deep aggression towards herself (after all, there is an understanding that a person in no guilty, but only has what is) and guilt. Naturally, with this condition also have to work.

In everyday life it can be divided envy on the "white" and "black". The latter manifests itself in the desire to hurt the feelings of the object, and the first - in an effort to improve themselves and their lives. But that's the reality of this border is so ephemeral that people can easily move from one state to another. Unfortunately, clean "white" envy is quite rare, because it is difficult to be - much easier to "fall" in the aggression towards the other.

 If you are jealous

Causes of envy

If you are jealous, you usually do not feel very well. It is only from a distance seems to be in this kind of focus - it's great. In fact, always envious in varying degrees pulled energy from the one who envy. Therefore, I wish this very strange. But in order to get rid of it, you need to understand the causes envy.

It is believed that jealousy - is a useful and save as a result of the evolution of the feeling is the same as aggression or fear. It seems like it should push us to self-improvement. For example, one who hunted worse, next time will be more persistent and diligent. Or make yourself the best tools. But in this case it is only the "white envy" and "black" does not take into account.

Envy is always based on comparing yourself with someone else. In general, the mechanism is, of course, good and should contribute to the development of man, but when he "rolled" in comparison too often, it becomes very sad, because there is always a person who has things go better. A desire the whole world and all the people with all their actions fit into a simple two-dimensional coordinate system "better or worse".

As a result, there is a profound lack of confidence. That it is another essential tool for the emergence of envy. By the way, the habit of excessive compared to a person usually gets in deep childhood - he grafted her parents. In general, the role of the father and the mother in particular on the issue of very great envy. If parents love their child unconditionally, accept it and praise, then he has a sense of inner peace. Their love is like a shadow, lives now in the adult heart. But if it does not, and the parents are constantly demanding something from the baby comparing it to more successful children, it gets used to feel inferior, and envious of the latter.

Setting frequently also helps to make us feel good. People may feel sorry for you, for example, due to the fact that you are not married, all your peers. And even if you do not consider yourself from this flawed, then about a hundred repetitions of such ideas run the risk of thinking, "Maybe it really me that something is wrong, and these girls - better than me? ". This is partly due to the fact that envy - like the plague. People who are sick to her, seeking to infect others, otherwise they will feel flawed.

Distorted perception also affects what people are jealous of each other. After all, as we see the world and their fellow human beings? In part, fragmentary, in some situations. And even if we can observe a certain person for a long enough time, we will still never be able to find out what's going on inside of him at some point in time. It is possible that the millionaire whom we envy, every night and comes home sad from what can not trust anyone. Or is it goes on all night clubs, pumping of alcohol and drugs, in order not to feel his deep unhappiness. But we see only the outer shell, and it seems to us that there is something to envy.

 what to do when you are jealous

What to do?

The world is full of envy - that's a fact. But you do not want her to feel "hard way" in any form! What to do if you're still in a situation where you are jealous? How to break this vicious circle and to protect themselves from toxic envy?

  1. Look at yourself

    The more you encourage others to envy? There is no way that you - white and fluffy, and they hurt you. Most likely, somewhere in the subconscious, you do not just rejoice with their successes, but they all want to show to prove to yourself that you are better than others. It is not surprising that such a condition causes the other is quite natural reaction - jealousy and the desire to topple you from the throne. Need to find a all these things and get rid of them, otherwise you'll encounter and with this feeling.

  2. Get rid of excess altruism

    It may seem that if you fight back, you will offend those of other people. But remember that the envious do not care about you - they only think about themselves and how to annoy you. Even if you were not, they would have to worry about someone else: cursed be his "curse" of the eyes, and would build plots. Agree, if you do not pay attention to it, it will be the envy of more multiplied.

  3. Cultivate your rod

    No need to adjust to the estimates and opinions of others. Envious and will try to humiliate you and accuse any mortal sins. You will have to endlessly justify before them and give your precious energy. It should not be! So look at what moments you hurt their claims. Maybe you're really worried that you may be doing something wrong. And that it was not necessary once and for all to believe in themselves and to build their lives in accordance with the call of the heart and intuition.

  4. Keep envious too close

    If you see the manifestation of this feeling with friends, then continue communicating with them with greater care. You should not see this as a compliment to myself, because sooner or later this "friend" wants to amuse your self-esteem and look at your fall. So when you want to maintain the relationship, sincere and honest conversation can not be avoided. But if he does not help, then such people should say goodbye - quietly and without undue regret.

  5. Eradicates envy in themselves

    As we have mentioned, in such situations include those who himself is not without sin. Envy of others if an indicator of your own flaws. Learn to do to get rid of the toxic feelings: it is necessary to eliminate the cause. Do not compare yourself with others, grow personally and learn to see the lives of others with integrity - then envy will not "stick" to you in any form.

Thus, it is clear that envy needed to do something - it was too much in our world. Close people are envious of each other, advertising provokes in us a feeling, and talking about it was absolutely normal.

And as each of us looks with indifference and participates in it, nothing will change. Live happily and do not induce envy of others!

 What to do if you envy: a psychological sketch

We strongly recommend to read Psychology envy