Parting is one of the first places in the level of stress in a woman's life. And if it's not just the separation and divorce - then all carcasses light! Not only that, you just lost the love and the close and lasting relationship - all of this is complicated by the decision of a number of other issues. And every woman who find themselves in a difficult situation, you need to understand so as to forget her ex-husband, or she just goes crazy.
Why leave your husband?
If the divorce decree adopted recently, now you have my head is spinning from happening. At the moment, you are very hard. And an important step is to understand the causes of what happened. When you do not understand what happened, it adds negative experiences (and there are plenty and so). Do not be that marriages fail for a reason. And almost always the responsibility for this lies on the shoulders of both spouses.
But how to find out? To conduct long conversations with her husband - is not an option. More precisely, in the future, perhaps it will be real, but the first time you have too many negative emotions towards each other, which greatly influence the course of the conversation and will prevent approximation to the truth. What, then, could be the reason?
Oh, it's a terrible word! Even more frightening is that it stands for: the pain, lies, betrayal, humiliation and disappointment. Rarely it happens that my husband fell in love with another woman and honestly told this to his wife, left the family. Typically, this story continues for a long time, and its disclosure is comparable to the explosion. The reasons for the changes written many articles, including in our magazine. But adultery is often linked to any problems in the marriage. The man feels shortage of something, trying to find it at the side. Not always it is possible to predict, because the husband may not have enough of what the wife does not suspect he or she is unable to give. In any case, the cause must be sought in some depth in your relationship.
Just as treason, conflicts are a consequence and an indicator of problems in family relationships. Of course, the object of quarrels is very important if they are reduced to any single reason: it is likely that this is the painful point in your relationship. But more often the case that conflicts occur frequently and on various occasions, and in this case they were related to some deeper and more difficult problem.
As you know, a couple in the process of its formation, through a series of difficult steps that are essential to its development. Unfortunately, not everyone manages to get through this honor. Spouses may seem that the love is gone, and life together filled exclusively anxieties, concerns and problems. In this case, we must not forget that there are crises in each pair. On the part of some families may seem ideal, but it is not so, and they pass or will take place in exactly the same difficulties as you. Most importantly - do it together and continue to believe in each other. But if it is forgotten, that someone of the spouses (and maybe both) decide on divorce.
Changes in behavior
During the marriage, each spouse grows and will inevitably change its character. It can irritate the second, as it seems that marriages with one person, and the output turned out completely different. Generally this should be intelligently adapt: to talk to the spouse unless there were some unacceptable things quite well (for example, the wife turned into a shrew, and her husband - the tyrant in the home), and to treat others with humility and acceptance. And, of course, be understood from what is happening. In particular, when there is a child, the nature of the couple greatly changes due to the adoption of the roles of parents.
This, unfortunately, is not uncommon these days. Earlier in the couple choose the person to which a whole life, and it automatically becomes a relative, you can not refuse, then today everything has changed. At the slightest problem people think that a spouse can be exchanged for another, and all will be well. In men, the same phenomenon is not uncommon following: The head of the family, they are inevitably faced with a life and a decrease in degree of romance in a relationship. And it turns out that they do not like, and to a family in the full sense of the word, they are not ready. So they leave the hateful wife, hoping that the other woman everything will be different.
If you have a child ...
Of course, to survive the departure of her husband more difficult when a family has a child. It's no secret that children are very painful experience their parents separation: anxiety, fear, anger, sadness - this is not a complete list of the negative feelings that are going through the little man. All this is connected with a sense of loss with respect to one of the spouses and the fear of losing the second.
At the same time, you know what the situation experienced by the child more difficult? The situation of chronic divorce when parents constantly quarreling with each other and shake their nerves. Then the child learns that the family - a source of problems and negative emotions in the future is likely to play the script. If you really need a divorce spouses, it is necessary and children, because only then comes the likelihood of harmonization and improve their lives. Otherwise, when the husband and wife decide to keep the family together for the sake of the children, but without mutual love, it is still felt, and promises nothing good for either one of its members.
But how to make the divorce took place for a child with a minimum of stress? As you know, most children tend to blame the separation of parents themselves. This unconscious tendency is connected with the peculiarities of the child's thinking. And the first thing to do - is to convince a child that it is not. If the baby is very small, then it should be done on an energetic level, not allowing thoughts and that divorce is associated with its occurrence. And if the child is old enough, you should explain to him that Mom and Dad very much in love, and this love he appeared. But then it became very hard to live together, and they have taken this difficult decision. However, they will always be his mom and dad and be very loving. It may be noted that each of you has done everything he could to save the family, but, unfortunately, did not succeed.
This is obvious, but still worth repeating: in any case it is impossible to limit the child's communication with his father. Of course, you may want to delete it from life, but also for girls and for boys it is one of the two key figures in the development of, and to deprive him of it - cowardly and wrong. Even if between you very strained relationship, you should do everything to establish a truce. Naturally, there shall be no statements like "poor dad" and "mom disgusting."
It would be great if you get to keep the usual routine for the child. This will give him at least some sense of stability. Spend a lot of time with him and contribute to, to do the same thing your spouse. And take it for granted that a child is very likely to cause any psychological problems. Divorce - it's always a trauma, and you need to find a specialist who can help to correct abnormalities in behavior or development.
Remember that now you both very painful. But to imagine that now feel your baby, increase the pain once in two or three. Awful, is not it? It is not necessary to bury myself under infinite guilt related to the parting, but you need to realize that in this period the child is particularly in need of your love and support. Learn to look for resources for this somewhere outside, for example, to communicate with friends, new hobbies or changing appearance. Well, if a child has a favorite grandparents, with whom you can leave your child at a time until you are driven away, and gain strength.
How does it survive?
How to forget her ex-husband, if you find it hard to get up in the morning, life seems dull and meaningless, and nothing is no longer able to bring a smile to your face? But it will not last forever. This depression will last for a maximum of one or two weeks and then will be much easier. In this difficult period is considered normal tears and mental anguish, but do not overdo - masochism in them should not be. And in the evening before going to bed space you learn to trust that if it becomes soothing - mental resources can be drawn from this.
The main tenet of separation experiences - time heals. Yes, now you think that life is over, and nothing good will not be. But soon it will pass. And you will need to learn to live their lives. Of course, initially, many changes will confuse and upset you, but you will quickly adapt to it. Count on the help of friends and do not hesitate to ask them about it, but without manipulation: you are not the unfortunate victim, and a strong man, who dropped a tough test.
If your husband has left her for another woman, then you are bound to overcome anger and jealousy. The first thing to remember: their relationship - it is their relationship. He does not give her something that should be given to you, and they love theirs. She is a stranger to you, and be willing to take away her desire to withdraw equivalent of another man. Be above it and focus on yourself.
After the divorce, many women have a crisis of self-esteem and their self-perception of the female. This is normal, but should not be delayed. In general, the feeling of femininity depends not only on reflection in the surrounding men, but also by its very bearer. Therefore, it is useful to periodically remind yourself that you are a woman, to cause this feeling within themselves and to emphasize it. Well, from the actions it can be backed up by beautiful clothes, flirting and other activities that are associated with self-love.
In such a difficult situation, as the care of her husband, it is important to remember that no single event in life happens for a reason. For some reason, and it should be. It is possible that only after the divorce, you will get the personal qualities that you have not enough or understand what you really want from this life.
Maybe you finally realize what a man you want to be there and what should pass. The point, in any case, is - at least that lived through it, you will become very strong, and any other life difficulty you will seem childish prattle on the lawn. So keep and remember the wisdom of King Solomon: "This too shall pass ...".