What drives the couple, who recently gave the impression of quite harmonious couples, and suddenly decided to get divorced? From such a fate not insured by any young marriages or unions with a decent experience, not even those of the partners who are raising grandchildren. What are the reasons causing such grave consequences? Why is the institution of marriage in our day outgrow? Try to understand and realize that, in terms of family psychology, urges spouses in need of termination of legal unions and what they are, the main causes of divorce. It is worth noting that some of them are common to many couples and some occur more often in a certain period of life.
According to experts, the most unstable in this regard, so-called "young marriages" when the marriage does not last more than five to nine years. During this period, children are usually born, the partners' attention switched to the new aspects of life, acute financial problems arise and the lack of their own homes. The reasons for divorce are based on the fact that the former spouse loses the opportunity to devote all their time with each other, they are less rest, but no longer nervous and work often can not properly divide family responsibilities. It is for the above period, unions account for almost 65% of divorce cases.
As for the families with the experience of the order of ten to nineteen years, in them, strangely enough, there are also their own, distinct from other causes of divorce. While in previous years, conflicts severely damaged relations between spouses, despite a certain level of affluence, it can occur hatred, hostility and intolerance of each other. This period is up to 24% of all broken marriages.
A marriage in which the partners have lived more than twenty years, is also not immune to the sad ending. At this time, the main causes of divorce psychologists call the loss of previous relationships and developed a violation of attitudes, such as growing up children require fewer joint custody, which entails the appearance of a certain freedom. But what to do with it, people who are accustomed to devote a lot of time educating and addressing related issues simply do not know.
Often there is a feeling of weariness and satiety with each other, often mature wife separately spend their leisure time, growing alienation. It was twenty years the partners of the main causes of divorce is called alcoholism, infidelity or suspicion of it. Statistics show that the initiative to separate during this period belongs to women, and the proportion of broken marriages is about 11% of the total.
It is clear that neither the age of the spouses, or the number of years lived by them in the Laws of the Union, nor the presence of children, and other relationships can not be defined a safety factor capable to prevent the dissolution of even the longest and, oddly enough, it is quite a successful marriage. It is therefore important to determine what often lies behind the hackneyed phrase "do not get along 'and serves as a reason for divorce.
Jealousy and betrayal
Unfortunately, in recent years around the world, including Russia, the divorce rate continues to increase, undermining the centuries-old moral foundations of society. Researchers for decades struggling with the problem, trying to figure out the main reason for divorce, interviewing thousands of couples, tore apart family ties.
The studies, conducted among several thousand ex-spouses, scientists have tried to find out the main causes of conflict, leading to a break marriages. As a result of this work they were able to identify the main "enemies" of family life, such as jealousy and betrayal are in the first place. According to the researchers, the number of divorces for these reasons that a staggering one-third of divorced couples breaks up because of them.
By the way, the data relate only to those who are connected by marriage, whereas people who are not officially registered their relationship, problems of jealousy, a lot less. Thus, the question of loyalty to destroy not only the emotional harmony between the partners, but also affect their sex life. It is known that men and women have different perceptions of infidelity if the stronger sex are more affected due to physical infidelity, women, on the contrary, because of the emotional side of it.
Treason - a kind of antithesis of the feeling of love, which is one of the most important reasons that motivate people to marry. Without it is impossible to imagine a happy married couple. Treason and becomes a reflection of the contradictions and conflicts that violate any harmonious union. For this reason for the divorce are the most common problem of the family, but it is not so rare among very well-marriages. Betrayal has no proof of age restrictions, so for her marital experience is not a barrier.
The young husband and wife admit such in their relationship, often just do not think about family values - they are inherent immaturity and irresponsibility, so they do not stop the possible consequences. More mature wife violate fidelity in an effort to find an outlet in a series of domestic problems. This does not mean that they do not value their marriage - often seen as trivial ennui and fatigue. A certain number of men aged over fifty slightly change their wives, trying to cope with the crisis age. And that's not all the reasons that push partners to commit adultery.
Each concrete fact of adultery is based on a certain theme. For some, it is the shortcomings of education, rooted in childhood (promiscuity and shifting moral values), some people assert themselves in this way, the other pushes for change social immaturity or unstable vital position. Whatever the case in every case, but it was jealousy and infidelity as a cause of divorce, ranks first among the majority of respondents pairs.
The lack of attention and interest to the partner
Often, many young families break up, as strange as it sounds, with the appearance of their children. Of course, such a cause of divorce can be attributed to the unwillingness of becoming parents or absence of the pair of true affection. But it happens that the young couple, who initially with joy and a large share of responsibility by the news about the upcoming appearance of the offspring, then still dissolve the marriage.
Why is this happening? That is due to the reduction of attention to her husband. After all, a young mother is concentrating all their efforts on caring for the baby. Sleepless nights, days filled with worries and excitement - all of this is not conducive to the same harmonious relations. Although this situation is temporary, because children are growing up, but the man is sometimes very difficult to accept the fact that the center of the small world of the family is now not. To somehow resolve the dissonance caused should be prominently involved in the process of a spouse caring for a son or daughter. Such actions will seal the marriage and not cause divorce.
As for the mature family, then there is not going smoothly. For everyday chores are often lost on mutual interests, attention is dispersed in the mass of other things. It is possible that the couple did not initially united by common hobby - they are accustomed to rest apart, and only issues related to raising children were moving closer factor. It is difficult to say when there was a cooling process and the loss of mutual interest. However, not all families to celebrate the release of such a crisis: many couples is the lack of attention to itself is called a frequent cause of divorce and single-handedly experience the consequences of divorce for later life.
The absence of romance
As mentioned above, the true love is the foundation of a happy family life. But with the passage of time the established relationship takes the main source of its existence - the romance. If the daily problems of the couple forget the beautiful moments of the importance of personal intimate celebrations, about dating and walks together, they will lose the basis of what at one time forced them to live together.
Of course, if a man stops at some stage of family relations to give a woman flowers, it is not yet a reason for divorce. But often he forgets even to congratulate his wife on the anniversary of marriage. In this case, the woman begins to doubt that the feelings of her husband is still alive and it is still interested in him. Therefore, do not neglect the opportunity from time to time just to admire the beauty of nature together, read poetry to each other and have a small but very pleasant attentions with romantic overtones. So it is possible, if desired, and some effort on the part of both partners to strengthen marriage, so you do not regret its dissolution, experiencing the sad consequences of such a rash step.
The loss of confidence
It's hard to argue with the assertion that a lie can destroy any, even the strongest relationship. Sincerity is the foundation of successful marriage. All sorts of doubts, eventually growing into a total lack of confidence arising at any stage of marriage, leading to divorce. Even if they are associated with normal household moments: for example, a husband from his wife hides the true size of earnings, the wife, in turn, is silent on hikes with friends in a cafe or a night club.
In any case, with time, all these little facts concealing the truth becomes a habit to lie, and a lie is growing like a snowball. When in the end of one spouse comes insight, showing how things really begin serious problems in the marriage, and the consequences of which lead to the collapse of the family. That's why distrust of many people call razvedshiesya frequent cause of divorce.
It is not necessary to treat this problem as something frivolous and easily remedied. Especially when it comes to long-term family relationship where passion is gradually relegated to second or even a third plan. Rare and irregular lovemaking and related difficulties are often referred to as a very common cause of divorce. In the intimate sphere of the spouses in some cases, there are times when certain circumstances, such as those associated with childbirth, lead to changes in sexual needs.
For example, a man ready to make love every day, and my wife is enough only a couple times a week. What could be further developments, guess not too difficult: it is likely betrayal, mutual irritation associated with dissatisfaction, suspicions of infidelity wife, especially when she appeared before it initiated sex. It happens so that the notorious habit and lack of variety dampens libido is one of the partners, and the other begins to suspect him in the campaigns "left." The consequences of sexual problems in the relationship between spouses is quite capable to lead to divorce.
The gap associated with the lack of understanding between husband and wife, often so deep that it becomes impossible to overcome. Especially if you do it without the help of family psychologist. Therefore, the cause of divorce-related misunderstanding in the family, can not be taken lightly. Why this feeling generally occurs between the partners? Reasons for misunderstanding is primarily to be found in the very beginning of the relationship.
It is often the people who are going to marry, which was originally very different upbringing, level of culture and intelligence. In this regard, they have formed different views on life, they aspire to different goals and pursue their own individual interests. Such marriages are doomed to failure in the event that none of the spouses is not trying to understand the other and to agree with him, something to give up, refuses to compromise. The consequences of such stubbornness often expressed a desire to find a like-minded partner in another.
Loss of mutual
A similar problem arises in family relations, also deserves to be called an important reason for the divorce. In the first years of marriage, the young husband and wife do not particularly think about it. And in vain, because people have different temperament. And not everyone is able to keep itself within when there is a violent showdown, which sometimes escape is impossible. In such cases, the address of one or both spouses is directed stream of insults, sometimes even foul language.
Such behavior, in spite of attempts at reconciliation, mutual forgiveness and the solemn assurances not to repeat such mistakes in the future, lead to a crack in the relationship. Over time, she becomes more and more, and as a result partners just lose respect for each other. Sadly, witnessed such conflicts are children that the example of parents in the future will be to build their own family.
Respect disappears between those partners who allow their moral degradation as a person, for whatever reason neglected basic care for their own appearance, fall and lose the normal human form. What exactly became the impetus for such behavior? Say can only be taken separately considering a married couple. However, the loss of respect for people is often a big reason of divorce.
Mode of life
Domestic issues - is the eternal and nabivshaya nauseam theme. The blame for this, as a rule, both husband and wife. Husband not happy with lazy wife in cooking, cleaning, laundry, and so on. Charges spouses are often associated with the fact that all my free time spends its restriction on the couch, buried in the TV and not doing the basic things around the house: the tap is flowing, debris falls out of a bucket, and on the balcony formed bunch of junk.
What happens in the end? Family life takes place in a constant dissatisfaction with each other, scandals and conflicts have become an integral part of everyday life in an apartment in chaos. And the consequences of such an attitude to the simplest duties are a major cause of divorce. That's why ordinary carelessness in the home needs to curbing the bud. And it concerns both spouses.
Different views on parenting
Yes, it does happen, and quite often. For example, a mother who is always with the children, feeding them, leads to a walk, went to bed, that is, carries out all activities related to the care and education, establish its own rules. They may be more or less stringent, they contain penalties for certain offenses and so on. The Pope, who is seen with the children for a few hours after work and on weekends, often inclined to show some softness and appeasement.
As a result, my mother in the child's mind acquires features of "bad cop", and his father with several idealized. But in doing so, he drops the authority of his wife and children are very sensitive to such fluctuations. As a result, they become a little controlled, mum increasingly have to resort to punishment, and the pope surprised nervousness as spouses and heirs. The family is growing tension, the parents start to quarrel, children experience a subconscious guilt for what is happening, but behave worse. Consequences easy to predict - divorce, alimony and recriminations. So it is better to agree in advance on the methods by which you will be guided in educating the heirs not to face as a result of the above-described reason for divorce.
The concept of paradise in a tent familiar to many of those who are just starting an independent family life. The financial factor in this period does not play a determining role. Young couples think that is still to come, they make plans and build trust in the future. Very well, if life is going well, if soon there is a separate housing, car and bank account.
However, today's reality is that to achieve a certain financial independence is becoming very difficult. If the problem is lack of money is constantly accompanied by marriage, then sooner or later the wife makes her husband claims that he is unable to adequately support their families. The man begins to feel guilty, his self-esteem suffers.