Life Path - a difficult thing. It is replete with successes, failures and unexpected twists. And very likely that when you wander along this road, your "companion" will be the identity crisis. Who is reading this, you probably imagine it as a huge monster, which is not to circumvent or overcome. But remember the great words of Friedrich Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." It turns out your crisis can be useful to you!
But how and what, you ask? This is what we will talk.
The crisis - a clash between the old and the new, between the familiar past and possible future, between the one who you are now, and that who you could be. What once was good and efficient, more is not. The goals can not be achieved by means of the old and the new yet. Very often in crisis find their manifestation of latent conflicts and inconsistencies.
Psychological personality crises differ in that in such conditions puts a person - he can no longer behave in the old way, his behavior is no longer needed it brings results. That's why getting into a crisis, you often feel a sense of impasse and try to find a way out. A way out is not all ...
The crisis is also experienced by many people as a period of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, sometimes emptiness, meaninglessness of existence, a stopover - everyone comes up with a metaphor. Here note that different people talking about their experiences and feelings during the crisis:
- "I froze as if one in a certain space and did not move."
- "There was no one around, and there was a feeling that I was no help, and the whole world is collapsing around."
- "I felt tremors, weakness, heaviness, tension and stiffness."
- "It was like a dive - it covered me completely, and I'm not able to hide from it."
- "I seem to have been in a transparent balloon, and invisible film separates me from other people."
- "I really wanted to have someone else help me."
- "I do not want anything! ".
- "It seemed to me that the whole world if closed up around me and was about to be crushed."
- "I was exhausted, and I have nothing on earth strong enough."
- "My life no longer belonged to me, I was no longer her" author. "
- "Time seems to stand still inside me and outside of something happening and happening ...".
- "I would as soon as possible to find a way out of this impenetrable darkness."
All that's about it, a psychological crisis. Individually, each of the women's words mean nothing and could mean anything, but together they make up a picture of an identity crisis. Agree, heavy and unpleasant picture comes out. Still, it is not by chance that the state is one of the most common reasons for treatment to a psychologist.
What are crises?
They are actually a lot. In fact, the crises in the development of the individual are of three types: age crisis, situational crisis and directly personal. Generally, when people say: "I have a crisis! "We are talking about the third version. But we will consider all - to know when to wait and gain, and patience, and when - to ask for advice from friends or find a way out in the literature.
So, age crises. This is generally in fact the norm. They come in virtually every human being in more or less the same format. Age crisis - is when a person has something he wants, but Wednesday he still did not give. Such crises are many, and there are almost from infancy. Children's crises are at the end of the first year, three years, seven years and during adolescence. They are all connected with the acquisition of the child's independence and new skills. For example, in three years the child already wants to dress himself, but his mother is not allowed since it takes too much time. The child begins to buzz. In this situation the mother should take the child's growing up, and especially to find time for a child to dress himself - otherwise he will never learn to do it, and it will stop growing up.
More interesting to us are the age crises of adult life. The first such crisis - is 17-18 years. During this period, the first meeting with adulthood. Man begins to define themselves and looking for its place in the world. The second crisis occurs in the interval from 30 to 40 years - the so-called mid-life crisis. The man looks around her life and is responsible for themselves the question: if all I did was what I wanted? The next crisis - pre-retirement - occurs in 50-60 years and is associated with the retirement of change and dynamic lifestyle more calm. And the last age crisis - a crisis of the end of life - all happens at different ages. It is linked to the overall assessment of past life - positive or negative.
Another type of psychological crises - situational crises. They have their own fully aware human reason. For example, wants a husband - and the rich, and kind, and caring, and intelligent, and fun - just eat fish, and a pine tree to climb. But all together does not work, and the women are alone with this "does not work". Or, for example, you want to build and manage a career and a perfect hotbed to create, and the time and effort for all is not enough. All of these "dead ends" is quite transparent. All you need - to prioritize, to turn around and get out of this trap. Well, maybe a little porasstraivaetes, but to live with it is possible.
And the last type - strictly personal crises. They are complex and chaotic experiences, precisely because you are so hard to find a way there. They may have a completely different reason. All we know about the crisis caused by the sad events: grief, loss, loneliness, a feeling of meaninglessness. But few know that the experience of the crisis may be caused by something essentially joyful - birth of a child, marriage or a long-awaited promotion. The result is always the same: a person feels inside that something has changed, and today he can no longer live the way he lived yesterday. It becomes another. About these crises will be discussed further.
What awaits you: Stages experiences
Thank God, the identity crisis develops gradually, as no one will stand a gravity suddenly fell down. There are a number of steps that a person goes, and can rejoice - the crisis always end output. Just for everyone that your output. A strong and healthy person is always able to find an option that will suit her. But you are just such a person?
So experience the stages of the crisis:
- Stage dive. Usually, at the beginning of the crisis of man disturb unpleasant sensations in the body. But you still do not understand that you have an identity crisis - you just feel bad. You are tense and stiffness, you feel a sense of weakness and heaviness. As something to do, you do, but these movements is very fussy and pointless.
Your thoughts remind sticky mess, and you chew it indefinitely. When you think about one thing, it immediately pulls out of your memory even more unpleasant thoughts. You are vulnerable and are not protected from these and other unpleasant feelings. It's like a big black hole, and you get into it fail. This is the first stage of the crisis.
- Step impasse. It is accompanied by a sense of loneliness and lack of support. You are immersed in thoughts and endless introspection - iterate events, ask yourself questions about the causes of the crisis and can not find answers. However, your thoughts and feelings are no longer linked to an unpleasant lump - they are more experienced you individually.
Your past is no longer helps you to be scared, "here and now", and you will gradually begin to make forecasts for the future. Feeling of exhaustion and lack of strength permeate you. You understand that outside help does not come, and you have more and more growing desire to find a way out of this impasse. But away from these feelings can not be - they must have to survive, and then for the first time there is light at the end of the tunnel.
- Stage fracture. Against the background of complete moral decay, you begin to withdraw themselves from the space crisis. First, this output is shown literally - you are hiding under the blanket and insulate yourself from it all - and then mentally. As if there are "you" and "you are in crisis. Your mind is freed from old non-working of thoughts and attitudes. Crisis experience less and less likely to visit you, and always alone. There is a reconstruction of the person and there is readiness for new experiences.
The world around you as if re-opens, and you are in harmony with it. You feel free and easy in his body. You do not leave a thirst for new experiences and impressions - sometimes you even want to break away and set off on a journey. You have finally come their desires, and you feel the power and capabilities to meet them. The feeling of happiness does not leave you, and you can finally say to myself: "I did it! I experienced an identity crisis! "
Unfortunately, the crisis does not always end so rosy - sometimes the opposite happens. To bad case scenario psychologists include neuro-psychiatric and psychosomatic disorders, suicide, withdrawal from society, post-traumatic stress, various crimes, alcohol or other another dependency, etc ...
As we can see, the crisis is not just on the strength of personality tests - it can destroy it and.
How to survive the crisis?
After reading all that is written, you probably horrified at the thought that you have to go through. But do not worry too much. Personal crisis can not catch everyone, and if it happens to you - be happy, because it means a very high level of mental development. And if not - then the more rejoice, because we have already noted, it is one of the most difficult and unpleasant conditions in life.
By the deepest regret, out of the crisis can not be avoided or speed. Remember - it is necessary to survive the crisis, and only then be possible to exit. "And it can not be any other way? Perhaps there is some magical psychological means? "- With the hope you ask. And we will have to disappoint you, "No, not there." Magic means there really is not. But there is your personality and your own resources. They use your God himself commanded.
It must be said that in fact there are two ways out of the crisis. The first - is to respond to the call of destiny and taking him to jump into uncertainty and try to change. But we forget about the second option - choosing security and the desire to preserve the existing order, you pause and do not go for a change. Yes, it removes the anxiety. But this anxiety is always accompanied by personal growth, and the lack of change of its limits and sometimes even destroys you. We hope that you exhale and chose the first option. Otherwise, you can not read any further.
So as to ease the accommodation crisis?
- Find support. Yes, you heard right. How would you not want sometimes to step back from the world, support and compassion will be very helpful. Even in a crisis, you remain the person you want companionship, love and care, so is not it better to get them from the person who is aware of what is happening? It may be a close friend, your spouse, a distant relative, or even a random person on some forum. The main thing - it must be you nice and pleasant and genuinely interested in what's happening with you. Agree that you will share with them the most sacred and important to you. It is necessary that he listened to you and did not condemn. Your communication must be honest, and this is the key to a sincere expression of feelings.
- Keep a personal diary. Write to everything that concerns important to you events, feelings, bodily sensations, thoughts and attitude to what is happening, as well as the images and metaphors that pop up in your head. Keeping a diary can help you be more aware of what is happening to you, and to separate one from another experience. Through these records you would like to share with others their experiences.
- Locate the internal support. The world around you is collapsing, everything is turned upside down, and to go through it, you need to find an island of stability in a world of chaos. So an island of stability and support may be your belief in the justice of the world, its goodwill and the right device. You represent a major part of this world, and you can control your life. These settings allow you to experience despair and loneliness, without collapsing, preserving confidence in the future. Thanks to them, your life takes on new meaning, based on the experience of all mankind.
- Experiencing all that happens to you. Do not run away anywhere, be aware of their feelings. Separates them from each other and unravel the ball of despair. Dive in them - all this invaluable experience, without which you can not be the one who you can become. For this you will need all of your efforts and resources.
- Do not give up, be persistent. Especially in those moments when you want to run away, fly away to another planet, or simply shut down. Hold on! This is your strength. When you are very bad, lean on the people important to you and your blog. By the way, then it will be interesting to re-read all the things that happened to you during this dark period of your life.
- Be prepared for unexpected discoveries. For example, you are not so good as you think of yourself. Or are you sometimes so lazy something to do, you can lose sight of something special. It is important not only to make these discoveries, and take them for yourself. Gradually you will come the realization that the world is not black and white - it has a gray and a bunch of colors and shades in between. To see them - is to accept things as they are.
- Catch the rhythm of their lives. It's no secret that each of us has its own rhythm of existence. During the crisis, he goes astray, and you need to restore it. There are three ways that you can use. The first - is adherence to the natural rhythms (flickering fire, the sound of running water, the sound of rain), the second - to the mechanical (the sound of the wheels on the train, a ticking clock), and the third - is the inclusion in the rhythms created by other people (the rhythmic singing, dancing, dance, song and dance).
- Talk to people who have survived an identity crisis. First, it will give you the feeling that you are not alone on this planet (because it is often loneliness we are most afraid), and, secondly, someone else's experience will be useful in terms of opening new means of experiencing the crisis. Each person is unique, and adapting to a difficult situation, invent something of their own. And suddenly his "own" will be useful to you? Try not interfere.
- Try new things. A direct continuation of the previous paragraph! But seriously, it is necessary to try something new when you're ready. If you decide to jump with a parachute in a state of deadlock - your condition may get worse. Listen to yourself, and if you feel inside little need for new sensations and global variables - do not forget to satisfy them.
- Keep in mind that the crisis is finite. Sometimes you may be rolled forward hopelessness. It will seem that no end can be seen around the black maelstrom, drawn you. In these moments do not forget that the end is sure to be, and it will be good. Everything depends on you. Keep a optimism even in the most difficult moments.
That's all you wanted to know about the crisis of identity, but were afraid to ask. Well, maybe not afraid, but now somehow you all know. The most important thing to remember - are going through a crisis and is finite, and it is a result of your new, shiny and mature personality.
Identity Crisis like a teething: painful, difficult, you can try to make it easier, but to miss this period (for example, pulling teeth from the gums special device) can not. And thanks to you finally cut through the teeth can bite and chew.
Also, with the personality - after going through a crisis, you will gain a new experience, maybe even some kind of knowledge and skills. After the crisis, many situations that seemed difficult for you to be perceived as elementary: "And because of that, I was going through ?! "Generally, in a global sense, a crisis - it's good and good. So do not be afraid, go for it, and all you get!