Sometimes there is a lot of fun to watch from the side of the older people. An old lady, "sported new clothes," clearly premature her grandchildren, is emotion. More funny looks octogenarian grandpa, communicate with their grandchildren out of town on the "Skype". The same "funky" old men can become our family and friends, if we find them quite a bit of free time and do some of their "education". Brighten up your loneliness elderly ancestors in our power. The main thing - it would wish!
The first rule is - forgive the imperfection of their parents and begin to respect their old age
Maybe our parents had for us and they have not "ideal", but believe me, they tried to become them. So do not waste your time searching for and studying their mistakes and errors. After all, anyone at any age do not want every day to justify and explain, as well as to listen to the comments and guidance.
No matter who wins brings (we are parents, or are we) never forget that respect - first and foremost! Therefore, screams, insults, orders, hysteria and pressure in the family simply unacceptable. Each of us must learn to respect them. Then they will respect us.
The second rule - to accept the situation for what it is
If we are unable to change the situation, you need to change her attitude. It depends on us, what will be the old age of our parents: fun and cute creatives or evil and oppressive boring. However, in order to "get" good parents, we need to do to become good children.
The third rule - become good children
Learn to listen, hear and understand their parents, no matter how archaic did not seem to us their advice. After all, our lovely and loving elderly as anyone else wish us well. Every parent wants their child was talented, successful and happy them. As a rule, their sincerity, we do not doubt. Do not be offended by their parents for trying to protect us from all sorts of adversity. After the transfer of experience is the most important task of our parents. Therefore, it makes sense to listen to their advice. Perhaps something and actually could be valuable to us.
The fourth rule - we must learn to solve their own problems
Agree, it is very convenient to take help from parents. However, if we want to be an adult and free, you must learn to solve their own problems. Therefore, we have a choice. What each of us more personal freedom or parental care, it's up to us. You want to get rid of excessive care? So, it's time to stop letting parents monitor, teach and serve us.
The fifth rule - tune on a serious conversation with the "ancestors"
I sincerely thank all the parents for what we have learned in life: fry an egg, about making the bed, to respect their elders, and the like "golden rules."
The sixth rule - up the courage and explain to them that their child has grown up and is no longer in need of their care
Starting today, we begin an adult life. And they want it or not, to this day, all the relatives have to respect our choices and keep your distance.
Seventh rule - will be convincing, proving his point
Throughout'll prudent and logical. Without breaking the cry of all lucidly explained to them, we are very grateful for the fact that "they lived for us, nothing is spared, put their health in order to grow our decent people ...". This topic close once and for all.
The eighth rule - "living your mind," we will do everything possible in order not to injure the heart of their parents
We will try to keep most people loved us from unnecessary anxiety and unnecessary problems. However, for the parents, will be very sincere and will not be in front of them to do something that can harm our health.
The ninth rule - freeing parents from the custody of them, not let them feel lonely
So hard to break free, we finally parted from them. Only fill their free up time something interesting departure from our family will not be regarded as a betrayal.
After all, as long as they join us in school, ran for training, clubs and circles, were busy procuring of sustenance, they did not notice the world around them has changed. Therefore, they are not accustomed to rest, and now that we are grown up, and they finally got a lot of free time, they do not know what it take.
In order not to feel lonely and useless old people, it is necessary to involve them in the world's interests. When they formed our tastes, now it's our turn to repay debts. We talk to them about their interests and hobbies.
If earlier for our joint success and education "judge" our parents, but now everything is exactly the opposite - a modern and "advanced" our old people will judge us.
The tenth rule - to expand the boundaries of their knowledge about the modern world
Tear them from conventional TV broadcasts, will teach parents to use the computer and they are passionate about the wonders of new technologies.
We regularly interested in their affairs and desires to respond to their rare request. Become their best friends and advisers.
With the "light-hearted" we trust them their children will appreciate what we have.
How fortunate that we have them, give us a sense of confidence and security, worry and pray for us, and at any moment ready to accept us as we are.
And what a blessing to have energetic, alive and remarkably fond of old people, who are always ready to come to our aid, to be our reliable support. All in our hands! One has only to wish and do it!
We strongly recommend to read: section for kids
Rules of the Game: common life
Rules of the game: the moral aspect
Have you ever wondered why there are so many negative comments about in-law? Why has developed just such a stereotype svekruha - the first enemy daughter? Is in fact the mother of our men are bigoted, evil and scandalous ladies who love their son so much to see in every potential rival daughter? After all, the "armed" such attitudes, many young women are part of the family men, live in them, and through the prism of these beliefs take everything that's happening around.
Of course, part of the situation, when the relationship between mother-in-law and remain tight, no matter what steps to "warming" or taken by the latter. There is nothing strange, because there are no universal recipes that fit all, without exception. And her mother in law are sometimes really intolerant, angry and jealous woman. But this does not mean that it will get you one of these, so no need to specifically try and establish normal relations.
Often the mother initially opposed her husband's future daughter, thinking that she is not strong enough in love with her son. After all, the concept of true love at all different. The wife may assume that the expression of strong feelings is a daily oral sex and plenty of kind words. A husband's mother is confident that this love is not enough, so the daughter needed to quit his job and devote himself to burgers, washing and ironing shirts. In-law it is very difficult to convince, but to disarm, recognizing its excellence can be. Suffice it to say, "Oh, I have not experienced such a mistress! Teach me, you're all doing great! "But at the same time to ask your favorite recipe meatballs husband.
But just as often is the fact that young wives provoke conflict situations and reinforce confrontation. Therefore, if you are reading this article and at the same time you will soon be living in her husband's family, the first get rid of the stereotypes imposed by society and, most importantly, even mentally let yourself be called the mother of your future husband svekruhoy. This word obviously carries a strong negative connotation, and you may unwittingly, had initially setting yourself up for a bad relationship. Of course, no one forces you to say "mama" - limit to appeal by name and patronymic, but that so-called in-law, even his own thoughts.
Answers to the question of how to live with her mother in law, there may be several. And every young woman finds herself the only way to coexist. But the right one is the one in which is enclosed around an idea: "I want to live separately, but because at the moment this is not possible, there must and can do everything in order not to destroy your relationship with your beloved spouse, sharing the roof of his relatives. "
That this is a guide to action, we are talking primarily not about your mother-in-law and, as a mom and dad your husband. And often, a happy family life of a young couple is largely dependent on how it is - good or bad - are the relations between them and the parents of one of the spouses, if for some reason all live under the roof of a common home. Therefore, those wives who truly love their husbands, are making every effort to have subsequently svekruh not evil, but at least well-intentioned in-law.
Often, it is of the impression you make on the parents of her future husband when we first met in the future will depend on that if you can, if necessary, to get along with her mother in law under one roof. And not just to exist, and to conduct a joint household, raise children and still maintain normal human relationships, trying not to make each other's lives and others in the ongoing hostilities.
Of course, familiarity with the parents of her future husband always results in some trepidation. Who knows how they will be a potential daughter and will not fight back if the marriage of his son? However, in reality they are much easier to conquer than it seems at first glance. To do this, just need to be aware of some psychological tricks. Neuro-Linguistic Programming is based on the law of attraction similar to like. In other words, we subconsciously seek to get closer to people like us.
Therefore, trying to win her husband's parents, need to find common ground with them. This may be similar education, political views, hobby cars or cooking - anything, any thing, as long as the future mother in law and svёkor could talk about it for hours. To do this, of course, you should learn about them as much as possible before the first meeting. And then to translate the conversation in the right direction, so that parents understand Man: This girl - his own.
For example, the mother and father of her future husband - the ordinary people of rural hinterland, and if you all kind will demonstrate the superiority of endlessly repeating: "It's good that I live in the city! I can not imagine, and what to do with myself in this wilderness! "That clearly set them up against him. Believe me, the future mother in law necessarily seized a moment to express my sincere son private opinion of his bride. So remember that snobbery nobody has added advantages.
In the same case, if you find a point of contact is not possible, you should try when talking with potential relatives to copy their gestures, style of communication and use the same lexicon. These tricks are quite simple, and master them under the force of any intelligent and observant girl. And they have a very good ability to very quickly to win the future in-law and svёkra.
And in order to live together with the mother of her husband did not seem to you to hell, there are a few simple, but quite efficient rules that will help build a normal relationship. They should adhere to the daughters-and who does not live with her mother in law under one roof. After all, you always have to be crossed on a family holiday, and just like that, spending time away from each other. Therefore, those young women who really love their husbands and want to make their family life comfortable and happy, you need to take certain rules of the game in the relationship-in-law.
Rules of the Game: common life
First of all we are talking about normal everyday moments. The two housewives in one kitchen - it is really very difficult. Especially if one of them is an experienced in-law, and the second - a young and ambitious daughter. Yes, both of you will have a hard time, but adapt quite real. You need to show respect and not to violate the boundaries of personal space each other. And to achieve this is not so difficult if you follow some simple tips.
<> & gt; Thus, the board №1: do not forget that it is you came to the house-in-law, and not vice versa
If, as is often the case now for some reasons you with her husband after the wedding will have to move in with his parents, do not forget that it is you came to their apartment or house. Here before you arrived had their own tradition, they acted certain laws and rules by which any normal family lives. Therefore, it is to you and will have to adapt to a greater extent. Shared services - is always difficult, especially with the people about the habits that you can only guess.
For starters take a look just like living in your new home, what they eat, buy, when removed, and so on. It's possible you do not like some moments, but bear with me, because in this period, all in the house feel some discomfort. There is, so to speak, lapping. Over time, when everything calmed down a bit, but life will go down in the groove, you better get a handle on what you are comfortable with and where there is discomfort. Perhaps your mother in law is not one of those who comes into the room without knocking to the newlyweds, and at any time. And that, you see, is a big plus.
Council №2: do not become a servant and do not turn your mother into her husband
Sometimes, even with the advent of a woman in an apartment in-law insists on running individual farms. This is a very good option, because you will be able to buy food and cook what you want. However, be prepared and to the fact that the mother of your husband in this case, would be interested in what exactly you feed her son. Do not get angry, she does not want you to humiliate or control. Most often it is simply a manifestation of the usual custody with her hand towards your husband, because before they lived differently. Stay calm, and even better ask that usually prepares for her son herself, what food he likes, and write a couple of recipes. It is sure to enjoy in-law, and you will find yourself in her eyes caring zhenoy.Ne becomes less frequent option and joint management.
In-law is still engaged in the kitchen itself, and you and the wife of the evening is always waiting for a hot dinner. Of course, it is very convenient. Especially like your man, because that way he lived before I met you, and will be happy if life will remain unchanged. But! Do not take this situation as a matter of course. More often offer their help in domestic affairs, and, most importantly, always clean up after yourself and spouse wash the dishes immediately after meals, do cleaning, buy products and so on. No need to show excessive zeal - so you risk show that encroaches on the role of the housewife. Just offer our help - Over time, your positive message will be appreciated.
It is a totally unacceptable situation in which the very first in-law offers to leave her life completely, arguing that you need to study (work). Believe me, it will take time, and she thought: "Yes, I happen to live with a idler! "What will not hesitate to tell his son. In order to avoid such it is better to indicate a certain measure of responsibility for the work on the farm for you and mother in law. Such an attitude on your part would be the only correct one.
Council №3: do not lose your own identity
It's no secret that all mother-love to share their own experiences. And often, they really have something to tell. After all, living in the post-perestroika realities, many of them had women on their shoulders, pulling out of lack of money and men, and children. Imagine how long it took your mother-in physical and moral strength! So treat it with respect for the prompts. Another excellent method to win the mother of her husband - to consult with her, expressing deep gratitude. However, interest in her opinion in some serious matter, do not promise to follow it implicitly if not initially agree with the position-in-law. In this case, it can seriously resent. Better to sincerely thank, but the right to decide to reserve. Honesty is always worthy of respect.
Almost all mother-love to give advice, which is usually perceived as a daughter reproaches. For example: "With the purchase of an expensive car could wait! Now we got into debt! "Or," There's no money, and again goes to someone's birthday! It is better to be collected on the sly! " and so on. These phrases are generally no special dislike. Just-in-law grumble because they really want to establish themselves in their former place of hostess to which they have long been accustomed. It is enough to create the illusion of its importance - and she will calm down and become attached to the daughter. Thank your mother in law for her grumbling, no matter how it may seem aggressive. And for her care of the young family.
But do not try to establish a relationship with the mother of her husband, with whom live under the same roof or separately, are constantly asking her opinion on any petty issue. This can lead to what you consider absolutely inexperienced, indecisive and amorphous special. Do not be afraid to take the initiative and to assert their own opinions, but do it in a polite manner, calmly and reasonably. Remember that independence must not go beyond correctness.
Council №4: observe the inviolability of personal space
Each young family who lives with his parents in need of personal space. If at least once in-law or mother-in-allow yourself to come into your room with her husband without asking permission beforehand and without knocking, honestly warned that you do not like. But also, with due respect for the personal space of other family members. First giving an example, you will quickly be able to emphasize, what do you expect from the new relatives. It happens that the soft-law ignores hints do not come without warning, then just ask her husband to put a latch on the inside, but in no case do not lock with a key. Otherwise, the house may think that you are - wary and secretive personality.
To be respected, to restore order in the room, where he lives with her husband on their own - do not allow to do it in-law. It is best to keep it clean always, when my mother my husband just will not occasion once again to make you his own comments or dust in your absence. People living under the same roof, in any case, there is a need to adapt to each other. If the house of her husband decided to closely monitor the cleanliness, take it as a necessity, which is not discussed.
Here for example, one of the situations: Rita, forced to share a shelter-in-law, often broke to her friend in tears, "I do not want to live with this particular arrogant! "I must say that Rita is a man not organically transfer order. Her creative nature could only feel comfortable in the chaos. And Natalia S., who comes to her in-law, was a special pedantic, but also delicate.
She did not speak directly to Rita, so she put it in their common room with her husband, but simply in the absence of newlyweds put things in order there on their own. It is clear that such a daughter resented, however, that prevented her heed the hint in-law? Banal stubbornness, expressed in the word "do not want to." I must say that in the end to keep order was a young man, and with the birth of a son, Rita realized, why do I need to clean and why it is better that all things were in their places.
Council №5: remember that your husband has not stopped the emergence of love for his mother
Try not to put her husband in a situation where he would have to be between two fires. Do not complain to him on some kind of action-in-law, especially if they relate to the banal and completely solvable domestic issues. Believe me, he will not quarrel with my mother for you, and vice versa. Of course, on his part to follow certain steps in the search for a compromise, but it is unlikely to suit anyone. But her husband will be very unpleasant thought: "I live like a barrel of gunpowder. Where to go to unwind? ". What do you think, how it would end? Therefore, it would be better if the conflicts and controversies you try to solve a tete-a-tete with her mother in law.
But it is not hoard irritation in itself, always trying to smooth out the rough edges and be afraid to spoil relations with the wife of his mother. This usually leads to an explosion in a vacuum, when the cup of your patience, finally overflowed. Better just to make the bounds of decency with which you disagree, than silently tolerate being in the eternal compromise with myself. This position is only to aggravate the situation and disrupt the harmony in the family.
Rules of the game: the moral aspect
In addition to domestic moments, there are other problems that are best avoided at once, rather than in the future to eliminate possible consequences. It is worth mentioning that the daughter must adhere to the following tactics: do not interfere in the conflict with her husband parents, to be sincere, to learn loyalty, and so on. It is about these things and it will go in the next block boards.
Council №1: find out the relationship with her husband without witnesses
There is nothing worse than a situation where the husband and wife quarrel happening in front of their parents, and it does not matter who is present at the same time - in-law or mother-in-law. Every mother by nature is configured to protect her child, even if he or she already has children of their own. So do not count on the support of her mother in law, accusing her husband of something in her eyes. Even if she will keep silent or would vote in your favor, then I thought to myself about you not too good.